Hey folks, Harry here with Mysterio looking at the next film from the director of 2 DAY IN THE VALLEY... FIFTEEN MINUTES. I once read a great script with this same title that was floating around unpublished by an unsigned writer named Michael something or another. When I first saw the press release that this movie was being made, I got real excited... until I realized it was the 15 Minutes script that I didn't care for. Sigh... Que sera sera eh my friends? As ya know, ol Mysterio is a repeat offender here on the ol site so take a look at his ol review if the fancy hits ya... It's one of them Robert DeNiro/Ed Burns type of films (heh.. which doesn't mean anything since this is their first film together), but I do need to warn you that Mysterio didn't care for this movie much at all... that it is an extremely advanced rough cut... and finally this review contains spoilers. Read on if ya feel like it...
Hey there Harry, it's me, Mysterio, checking in once again. This time I'm coming in with a report on the lastest Robert De Niro / Ed Burns flick, "FIFTEEN MINUTES."
So let's cut to the chase…
* SPOILERS *
The plot concerns Robert De Niro playing a well-known homicide detective who teams up with Arson Investigator, Ed Burns to solve a case, involving a pair of Eastern European killers on a killing spree through New York City. Ok, so far so good, right? Wrong. You see these killers have watched way too many American movies and have come up with the most absurd criminal plan since the Captain Crunch was removed from the Crunch Berries. I'll explain in a minute.
Entering into the states by false passports, the killers are on their way to see an old friend. An old friend who has been holding one of the killer's (EDGAR) large amounts of cash until released from prison. On the way though, the other killer (KLAUS) so fascinated by movies, and making them, steals a video camera before hoping into a taxi.
So Klaus, with his new camera, intends on making his first movie in the United States, with his partner, Edgar his star. He films anything and everything, including the brutal murder of the friend, and his girlfriend over the money that Edgar was supposed to collect. It seems his 'friend' has spent it all. So Edgar kills him in a rage. The character of Edgar reminded me of 'Begbie' in "Trainspotting", but Begbie had a lot more character and was better personified.
So, Edgar and Klaus decide to torch the place and the bodies inside, to help cover their tracks. They do so, and in the midst, discover a female witness in the next room, who makes a run, and escapes. But not so fast! Seems she left her Czechoslovakian passport behind. Name, photo, and it seems she had a 3-month visa two years ago, which makes her an illegal. So she can't go to the cops.
So now ya got a double homicide, (enter De Niro), and a possible arson (enter Burns), add a beautiful redheaded witness on the run to the mix, shake, drain and serve. What your left with is a cocktail called, "FIFTEEN MINUTES" (which seems to be the length of time it took to concoct this inept story).
The title pretty much lifts off the Andy Worhol idea that everyone is famous for a least 15 minutes at some point in his or her lives. I'd be surprised if it lasts this long at the box-office when released. By hey New Line, not too worry. There's still the sad general public that's still out there pumping good money into seeing THE BONE COLLECTOR, so not to say you shouldn't make a few bucks off them folks.
But for the smart, film going public who wants to see an intelligent movie, something worth their 2 hours, I'm afraid this isn't the one. It's insulting to a moviegoer, when one can predict the events and the character's actions before the film finally gets there and capped with your standard movie cliches. The characters get their information too easy here. When one of the characters ask another a question, they get too many answers right off the bat -- no challenge in the story, or for the characters. They're just pretty much jumping through hoops, and we, the audience, left bored.
Here's a couple examples of really lame, standout scenes for me:
There's a hot foot pursuit by several cops, chasing the killer's through New York traffic. Klaus, fleeing on foot, seems more interested in filming himself and his pursuers, then escaping.
Another scene has two characters trapped in a burning building, where they fight the oncoming fire by simply breaking a nearby water pipe by pulling on it with their bare hands. Oh please. I'd like to think water pipes are a bit stronger than that. Especially since the water shoots out from the pipe like a fire hose!
The acting. Bobby D., a message. As your character from COPLAND said to Stallone, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!" Disappointed. Brother, your career as an actor is slowly beginning to falter. With this film, your caricature in 'ANALYZE THIS', that upcoming Schumacher flick, and 'Rocky and Bullwinkle', Scorsese's 'GANGS OF NEW YORK' would've been your best bet. Major career mistake in my opinion dropping out of that one! But I digress.
De Niro's performance here is bland. Not much for his character to do but act like the star and smoke cigars throughout the film. Although, he ALMOST attempted to mock himself in one scene, with that famous: "You talkin' to me" scene in 'Taxi Driver.'
Ed Burns. What can I say about his performance? He's Ed Burns. Ed, a little advice here - stop playing yourself in every movie! Take some acting lessons. Learn some facial expressions! Smile once in a while! Stop looking so 'wooden' on screen all the time.
The two lead, foreign criminals. Their names, sorry don't know, don't care. Note here - stop overacting and trying to chew the scenery at every possible on camera chance you get!
The only good acting came from the two lead women in the film, newcomer Vera Farmiga and Melina Kanakaredes (TV show, "Providence"). Too bad these roles weren't more sufficient in the story.
Directed by John Herzfeld ("2 DAYS IN THE VALLEY") - meagerly directed, but aghast! Is this script and story bad! Bad, bad!
Now onto the most ridiculous plot point, which the movie attempts to hinge itself upon, it that the killer's plan, is to film a murder of a well known character who's a famous media icon. Then, attempt to sell the footage (including showing them committing the murder), to popular local news program, 'TOP STORY' for big bucks. Including the stipulation that they hire and pay for his legal counsel and fees as well.
Now before I lose you, let me explain the main bad guy's reasoning behind this. He figures in court, even with the tape admitted as evidence, that they will both plead insanity. Because after all, who would do such a thing but insane people? Hint, hint: how about bad Hollywood writing and moviemakers. So, insane and caught, they'll both go to a mental hospital, were they'll say then that their NOT crazy, and pretend to be acquitted. Then they'll see psychiatrists, who will later then certify the pair as sane, and because of the US 'double jeopardy' law (didn't we already have this movie?), they can't be tried for the same crime twice.
Ok, anybody believe this? Dare I go on? I think not. You can pretty much figure out where the rest of this story goes, as I did. Yep, right downs the old toilet. Just make sure you double flush this one. Only wish this film would have lasted 15 minutes, like the title promised. Or better yet, 15 seconds.
Materializing out for now…
-Mysterio
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