Good afternoon, party people. Now that sufficient confusion has set in, and Robo and I have managed to stop laughing, I wish to welcome the lot of you to a new and super-fun Coaxial Con Cosmico.
I was tempted to do the entire section in Spanish for all time, just to get a reaction from Harry, but I bend to your collective will and lift the clouds of dubitousness on this most terrible of afternoons.
First, my thanks to Mr. Glen Oliver for his excellent support, and most of all for his friendship. Glen is a most outstanding fellow, and I wish him very well in his new endeavours, which I will keep you all informed of as they transpire.
Additional thanks go to Mr. Chris Shaylor for his continued help in the area of caricatures. Chris provided the caricatures of both Harry and Glen, and just recently was kind enough to provide me with the basis for my own caricature. Chris loves doing this stuff, is most capable, for any of you who wish to obtain his services, he can be reached at shaylordesigns@hotmail.com
Of course, Robo is due many thanks for his excellent talkback response. Why can't the rest of you do as well? Keep trying.
I would be most remiss not to thank El Gordo himself, Harry Knowles. Many dark and evil prayers to Xochipilli ensured that Harry's mind was addled enough to permit my entry into your lives. But where is Mega-Tigger?
Now, I summon a FAQ from the nether-regions. (POOF!)
1)Who the hell are you?
I am one who has received a temporary reprieve from Atropos, the shearer, and...what the hell does it matter who I am? On to the next question!
2)Will you cover Sabado Gigante or interview the Bumblebee Man from the Simpsons?
As much as I like Don Francisco, I will probably not cover Sabado Gigante much, simply because it is more of a game show than a recurring episodic event. It is, however, the BEST DAMN GAME SHOW ON EARTH. Currently, my favorite show on Univision is the excellent "Control". What can I say, I've got a special place in my heart for Lesley Ann Machado. As for the Bumblebee Man, I would LOVE to do an in-depth interview with the Bumblebee Man. I will contact FOX and see what I can do.
3)Will you cover hardcore pornography?
Tall Boy, I praise you, for you have just given me the excuse I need to do so. Rest assured, there will be hardcore pornography coverage in the weeks to come.
4)Lose the antennae, they're tacky. It's been done. Nobody does anything original.
You are correct, sir. Somehow, I don't care.
5)Are you a Latino bastard?
Yes, I suppose I am. I prefer "Chileno bastard", though. Si es Chileno, es bueno. Just plain "bastard" is okay, too.
6)So, this is supposed to herald the new, improved and frequently updated Coax? This is your proof? I ingested corn last night. I could provide proof of that too, if you'd like. This Jennifer Lopez / Ricky Martin / Marc Anthony crapido must cease!
This is easily the best question out there. Yes, it is supposed to herald the new Coax. This is indeed my proof, in a universe where things must ever be without proof or disproof. Do I require a stool sample? Fortunately, my cat is already most generous in that area. I thank you for your support, though. As for Jennifer, Ricky, and Marc... well, since all Latinos know each other, I'll have to discuss the matter of crapido with them before I render final judgment on the issue. Perhaps, as you imply, Hispanic culture and the Spanish language itself are a passing fad. Only time will bear these things out. On a side note to my bretheren, my apologies for a lack of proper accents...the net still sucks for non-English language content. And no, I will not drop my chalupa!
7)Are you a Downocrat or a Getuplican?
I admit to Downocratic leanings, but there are times when I must get up offa that thang in order to get my freak on. Let us simply turn this mutha out and leave it at that.
8)Why do you look so happy?
This week, my happiness comes from anticipation of the new O)+>, aka the Artist Formerly Known as PRINCE album, RAVE UN2 THE JOY FANTASTIC. There is none funkier than the Artist. NEW FUNK! Go check out the news at Love 4 One Another.
9)What are your favourite shows?
In sci-fi, I like my Earth: Final Conflict. I have been working for months on a holo-Lily, without luck. In this show, as in real life, the aliens are in control, and you are never quite sure who is good and who is evil to the depths of their being. I know there are a lot of B5 fans out there, though, and I promise you all that I will do my best to cover B5 and all of the others, regardless of my personal opinions of those shows. Don't get me wrong, I don't think shows like B5 are crap, it's just not on my personal must-see list.
I like just about anything on the History Channel. Like most humans, I also love Comedy Central. If I had to pick just one channel to have, though, it would have to be FOX, for the sheer madness and emphasis on entertainment value. I can get my intellectual stimulation outside of my TV.
Of all the shows on television right now, there is really no question that the IRON CHEF on the Food Channel is the best hour of TV running. I would give up one of my kidneys as the dish of the day if I could visit a taping of this show just once. The showmanship, presentation, music, and all-around badassness of this show are impossible to overstate. YOU MUST WATCH THE IRON CHEF!
Enough of this junk, I must get to the news...more to come later this evening.
Hasta Canibalismo,
-El Cosmico
send email to: elcosmico@austin.rr.com
