What is.... BUTT-NUMB-A-THON'

What is.... Butt-Numb-A-Thon?

My entire life I’ve had to endure people telling me that I am out of shape. Out of shape for what? Was I trying to be a traditional athlete? Did I want to climb mountains? Did I want to jog in place and shower with other men? Is that what my mission in life was about?

What all those bony asses didn’t know was that I was in training. That’s right... Like Balboa, I had some steps I needed to climb and a stage where I could jump up and down and throw my fists in the air while some most excellent Conti trumpets heralded my triumph.

I was preparing for... Butt-Numb-A-Thon...

At the Alamo Drafthouse, I have found my steps and stage. Jason had his Argo. Solo had his Falcon. We have the Alamo.

Why do I think I can withstand 24 hours of film?

I have had 27 birthdays... alot of birthday spankings. Each swat was fiery blow to forge this super-ass of mine. Poke it, prod it... kick it and fist... no... don’t do that. My buttocks are the ass that will not yield... As a young boy I once withstood 72 straight hours of projected entertainment... but that is a boast lost within the mists of time. It’s time to begin anew...

Am I out of shape? Well, for running that ancient Greek message to Marathon... yeah... hell yeah... but in these modern times... you can just pick up the phone and get that message much faster.

But... We, as humans, must strive to conquer that which we have never conquered. Some climb K2 or Everest. Some dive to the Titanic. Some reach out for space. Lofty and sunken goals to be sure, but for me... A theater calls...

My pickax is an armrest, my physique created to withstand an onslaught of filmic delights and perils. And BUTT-NUMB-A-THON calls to me.

On December 11th, at High Noon.... We will be seated inside our perilous vessel... the Alamo Drafthouse.

We will strap ourselves in for 24 hours of.... FILM.

What sorts of films you ask? The entire gamut. From silent shorts to cartoons to serials to a giant lizard movie (that you probably have never seen) to blaxploitation to sexploitation to classics to a director’s cut you haven’t seen to at least one world premiere for a geek flick you’ll quote all the days of your life... if you survive. We’ll have one of the greatest digital adventure films ever, we’ll have swords and battle-axes and kungfu vampires.... We’ll have death cults and bank robberies... We will travel to a lonely mountain and have glimpses of things you have never seen.

This is an experience made only for the strong. The type of event that you get one shot at. I’ll be there.... Moriarty will be there.... Robogeek will be there.... Massage Therapists will be there.... There will be a tingling surprise for those who doze and for those that try to escape....

Armed off duty police officers armed with a big rubber stamp for your forehead with a scarlet “L” for LOSER....

It is only $5 to get in, but more to get out. All proceeds will be going to create a new event here in Austin. A Saturday Morning Fun Club for children. The money will go to secure prints of movies that kids NEED to see young. The movies that provoke the young minds into high gear. Films like INVADERS FROM MARS, JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS, YANKEE DOODLE DANDY, TREASURE ISLAND, ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD.

Soon I’ll be giving you ALL the details... We’re still working it all out. But this is Definitely happening. I’ll be setting it up where through the site you can secure your tickets in advance.... BUT! Know this.... There will only be under 400 seats available for this odyssey.

I’ve already been contacted by people that are making plans to come from California and Arizona.... This is what being a film geek is about. The test to stand up against. You will be Kubrick’s Alex... you will endure it all. You may leave with a new facial tick and a cramped asscheek or two... but you will survive... unless you are a “L”. Are you an “L”?

What do you get for your $5?

A ticket. A tin of Penguins Caffinated Peppermints. If you survive to the end.... A t-shirt of champions... and... Birthday Cake.

If you leave early... You’ll be poorer, and will be marked with an “L”.

How far can you push yourself? What are your limits? For the extremely strong... you’ll leave the theater on Sunday with me..... Drive to the nearest showing of THE GREEN MILE.... A victory lap if you will... Heh...

Join me and one day you can say.... “I was there with Harry... The film geek... At the tables with the beer.... and a hall about the tables and a marquee outside the hall.... in Austin”

Like I said... More details by week’s end... Stay tuned for more on....

BUTT-NUMB-A-THON
A 24-Hour Film-Going Odyssey

Remember.... We’re doing it... for the kids!

Alright folks.... A bit of additional information. Don't fret about getting tickets just yet. I will be offering a portion of the tickets exclusively via the site to guarantee you long distant travelers a seat. Also... down below, I have read a question about Presents for Me. While I love BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, it is not a requirement that anyone bring or send me Birthday Presents. However.... If you feel like sending a birthday present my direction... I will not protest... I will light candles in your name and pray to Cthulhu each and every night for your long life and tormented soul. And by Crom, he will grant it. Cause Odin and Zeus will deem it righteous! As for health concerns... In the great William Castle tradition there will be waivers against death, electric shock, dismembership and buttcramps... Stay tuned for more details!!!