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Capone begs you to please forget REMEMBER ME!!!

Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here. Okay, sure, everything about the ending of this film misses the mark. The problem isn't poor taste or even worse timing; the problem is pointlessness, as in this film is one grande espresso shot of pointless, and the ending is the foam on top. REMEMBER ME reads more like a check list of scenes, shots, and poses that TWILIGHT star Robert Pattinson has created with director Allen Coulter (HOLLYWOODLAND, and numerous episodes of "The Sopranos") to sell him as a dramatic force in the world. Instead, the movie comes across as a moving photo shoot. You can almost hear Pattinson saying, "Oh, here's a good angle of me smoking a cigarette. How do I look in this lighting without my shirt on? Was my voice angsty enough while I was emoting in that scene fighting with Pierce Brosnan?" And the list goes on and on. I'm not a knee-jerk Pattinson hater. His third-rate, watered-down James Dean impersonation in the TWILIGHT films actually serves that story, regardless of how feather-light it may be. But what he's doing in REMEMBER ME is an audition reel. Here's Rob's Tyler character being charming and romantic as he approaches would-be love interest Ally (Emily de Ravin), and here he is being the supportive big brother to a little sister who is taking on the brunt of their parents' broken marriage and a neglectful lawyer father (Brosnan). He's a rebel, a lover, a guy who isn't afraid to pick a fight with a cop (Chris Cooper) and get his ass beat down for the effort. And I wasn't buying a second of it. Pattinson simply isn't convincing me he's a troubled outcast whose family (including mother Lena Olin) was struck by tragedy a few years earlier. But here's the thing about REMEMBER ME. It is worse than pointless. I mean that literally--it has no point. Even without the bizarre final moment, the movie isn't about anything. I was craving a stupid rom-com just to spell out it's themes in giant Hollywood-sign letters to fulfill my desire for purpose. Somewhere buried deep in this film is a message about fate and living life with the one you love because it can all be gone without warning. Suicide and violent murder play a part in the pasts of both leads; this is not a spoiler. Probably without meaning to, Tyler comes across as a spoiled rich kid who is rejecting his father's path as a powerful New York lawyer because he can. Of course, he doesn't refuse his dad's bailout money when he gets tossed in the clink. De Ravin is substantially more convincing, but trapped in this intolerably written screenplay, there's not much the film can do to save her. The script doesn't do anyone in this movie any favors, even such fine actors as Brosnan, Olin, and especially Cooper, who looks ashamed to be stuck in this movie. If you have the same perverse desire I do to see the worst as well as the best films being released into the mainstream today, seeing REMEMBER ME would be considered starting at the bottom. The good news is, there's no where to go but up. And for those who loathe Pattinson and hope he vanishes from movies as soon as the TWILIGHT movies are wrapped, REMEMBER ME is a solid sign that he may do just that. Please don't see this movie; don't even let the thought cross your mind. The regret you'll feel after seeing it may be too much for you to handle. Be strong.
-- Capone Follow Me On Twitter

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