GLEN HERE: I wanna see "Arena". GORN! GORN! GORN! GORN! METRON! METRON! METRON! METRON! Harry is over at the food table, tasting things, grimacing, asking "What the hell is it?" ROBOGEEK is sniffing the punch bowl, saying "This smells funny..." QUINT is standing behind me citing poetry, laughing his ass off because this stuoopit keyboard is too daqmn small for the most unmanly man to type on. This thing is smaller than my ex-wife's... oh, hell. They've got "Arena" ready. Gotta go.
Quint here: As I was presiding over Mary Lee's funeral, I was summoned by Sir Harry of the Round Pizza to view some of his cool trailers to ring in the New Year. Damn shark'll have to wait for another day. Boy was I surprised to be bombarded by images of my future. They called it JAWS. Well, Harry's coming back... all 3 tons of him.
GLEN HERE again. It's not only merely cold, it's really most sincerely cold out here. It's dark and cold. Death Of The Titanic cold out here. GLEN NOTE TO HARRY: A long time ago, humanity discovered fire. Fire has many uses. Warmth and light being among them. This would solve the problem of cold and darkness.
My fingers... can't feel them... lips... can't move... Harry's turning on the hose now that the temperature is dipping below freezing. He's going to hose us down now. This is going to be his "Happy New Year's James Cameron" gesture. Freezing solid all of the Ain't It Cool periphery people. Ice sculptures in his back yard. Gonna quit typing now. Can't see through the vapor from my breath to type further. I'm feeling sleepy. Very sleepy now. Look at that. Such a beautiful green field. The sun's so warm. The birds are chirping. The water running so peacefully. Oh, there's my great, great grandma bringing me warm milk and cookies. Gotta........go......Knew this.....was....a...one...way...ticket....But you know I had to come.
Quint back: Whatta wussy. I've spent many a lonely, cold night on the Orca that make this weather look like Hawaii in the summer time. Anyway, 'Arena' is about half-way over. So far some 3 or 4 poor Enterprise people have died because of their poor choice of red-colored shirts. Sir Harry's print is redder than the bloody sea during the height of the shark's feast after the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, but it is still a fun watch. Much more fun than clinging to a life vest, fighting off the sharks, waiting for that plane to fly in low and spot us. I'll never put on a life-jacket again. Well, I guess I'll let somebody else cover this chilly New Year's Eve party. I gotta go crush some beer cans with one hand... Fair well and ado to you fair Spanish ladies...
ROBOGEEK HERE: "Arena" was way, way cool to see on 16mm. Afterwards, however, Father Geek screened a, well.. uh, a short film he made in the '70s. A film which left an image I will be spending years trying futily to remove from my psyche. Very, very disturbing. I need a cookie. I need a cookie very, very badly...
(HARRY NOTE: This thing that Robogeek now fears is a 16mm short my dad shot in 1968 in a Club here in Austin call the My Oh My club. It shows a strange sex act of a woman smoking a cigarette with... not her mouth. As soon as this came on, two wonderful people I have never met came around the corner bearing a laserdisc player for me. Alas... I attempted to block their view of the smoking beaver, while the assembled crowd cheered. I ushered them into the front yard. First impressions... dooooooooooooooooom. This will be the legendary moment of the night)
ROBOGEEK HERE AGAIN:
Okay. That's better. I got to see both a favorite Sylvester & Tweety, as well as a great Roadrunner & Coyote. Too cool...
Then Father Geek screened something truly special. Something I'd never even heard of. As the leafless trees stood silent vigil under a cloudless, starfilled sky, a hush fell over the crowd assembled here in Harry's back yard. On the screen emerged the 1952 (?) Columbia animated short film of Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart," narrated brilliantly by James Mason. Really something. Remarkably designed. What a treat!
Now they're showing Mighty Mouse shorts. But they feel reeeaaalllllly long. I've never much cared for Mighty Mouse - an opinion Glen tells me he shares. I mean, why are they singing? I just don't get it... But you know - this may be sacrilege to some of you - I liked the Bakshi Mighty Mouse of the '80s. Remember those? BatBat was my favorite! I think I have that somewhere on tape at RoboGeek HQ. I'll have to find it and show Harry. There are many things I must show Harry. Like "Log!" from the original Ren & Stimpy. Harry and Glen think I made it up. Hey, Quint knows it! Cool, he can back me up. And Miyazaki films! I must show Harry and Glen all the Miyazaki anime films. I already showed them "Porco Rosso." They got irrationally fixated on one nagging question, though - "Why is he a pig?" "It doesn't matter!" I'd retort. "But why is he a pig?" "He just is!" "But... why is he a pig?" "JUST WATCH THE GODDAMN MOVIE!" Sorry, I had a flashback...
Mighty Mouse is really, really strange.
What was I saying? Oh, okay! Yeah, I need to show them "Kiki's Delivery Service" next. Boy, do I love that movie. I always get choked up at the end.
Oh, COOL! Now we're watching "Calling All Girls," a docu-hype behind-the-scenes of a Busby Berkeley musical. Wow, this is fun! Look at all them gams! This is truly mesmerizing... Almost enough to make me forget how cold it is out here. Has anyone mentioned that? Damn! We don't need computer-generated visible breath here, thank you very much!
Hey, TITANIC passed $100 million in 12 days! Rock ON!!!
HARRY BACK:::::::::
Well the crowd has swelled to 18 or so. It's pretty cool. TIME AFTER TIME is showing... you know time passing and all.. well what could we do? People are roasting hot dogs, marshmellows, huddled on this cold night around two bonfires of types. They have assembled into two groups. Geeks, and food eaters. These groups are avid about both tasks. There are still more people on the way. The Rum Punch is going. I love it, there is alot of rum going into me, I can feel it's otherworldly warmth growing. This night is netting me booze, food, a laserdisc player and good company. Awwww, the best gift is the company. Well the hot dogs are really really good. THe rum is yummmmy, and well the fire warms my chilled extremities. Soon the pagan dancing will begin. Oh glory David Warner is beating Alex at chess. And two gentlemen from Scotland Yard are visiting. Well I want more punch... Back later.
(TIME PASSES....)
Robogeek is in the bushes somewhere, we hear movement, I think that Calling All Girls got to him a little more than you would first suspect. It's really quite frightening, I can hear his voice humming 'The Shadow Waltz'. Tis a shame for sure. Quint is blowing his nose as if it were some sort of whale blowhole. Damn noisy blowing!!!
While standing around the fire, while REEL 2 of TIME AFTER TIME, we begin talking about why the pig in PORKO ROSSO is a pig. Robogeek, begins asking why STARFLEET pants are flammeable, The Mistress of Hong Kong begins telling Robogeek that he needs to have Duct tape to tape Glen and mine's mouths shut while watching Japanese Anime, Uncle Bob begins roasting a rat's dead carcass on the fire (then precedes to eat it). I run for the computer, people eating rats, taping mouths shut... it's all too real.... Might be gone for a while
As it got closer to Midnight, Glen, Robogeek, Droopy Drawers, Mr Sleaze, Prince Laser and his lovely on his arm all made for the house. To see the GODZILLA trailer. I had already seen it, and thought it wasn't that great. But they were determined to see it. (if truth be told they were a cowardly lot without the cajones to stand the cold, which was about 42 degrees... ewwwww that's sooooooo cold. Wusses.)
Meanwhile I'm out doors warming my self with fire, man's earliest protection against the elements. Father Geek (sits ever vigilant of the film projector), Uncle Bob by his side (he's the man that introduced me to Kong when I was 1,2,3,4 and 5.)
Then the hour turned and NEW YEAR was upon us. We watched EL SPECTRO ROJO, a film that at this moment celebrates it's 100th year of life. An amazing flick that tells the tale of a magical demon skeleton trying to perform his magic, only to be thwarted by evil pixie (rhymes with witch).
THEN Dad strings up BETTY BOOP CARTOONS... Heaven. I've watched these prints of these cartoons my entire life. These are family members. I know every beat of the music, every toe coming to life, or sentient knife, or decapitated shadow. A smile forms across my face which sits atop my rum punch filled gut. I'm sated. Here is the surreal world of Max Fleischer. I'm sorry Disney, Warner, Columbia, MGM, and the rest of ya... Max Fleischer and these Betty Boop cartoons is what the medium is about. Tears begin welling up... I remember hundreds of memories with these cartoons. Memories of a pre-alcoholic mother, memories of a family together before the divorce... These cartoons represent my blue blanket. Glee fills me, my mouth begins doing lines, dialogue, sound effects, my gestures and legs begin ape-ing the characters on screen. I can do most of the voices of these characters!!
SOMETHING ABOUT A SOLDIER -- Mankind and Betty Boop vs the terrible Mosquito invasion. Ever been to Houston? Those type of mosquitoes!!! It's soooo cool. Freddy (Betty's weird boyfriend in this one) looks like RoRo.
CRAZY TOWN - "This world is full of foolish acts, I'm sure you will agree. So we put them all in Rhyme and learned this melody... Foolish facts foolish facts... foolish facts and silly acts, we have nothing else to do, so let's go CRAZY..." God I love this cartoon. I begin realizing where my mind came from. It was formed from these cartoons. (God this rum punch is great)
BIMBO's INITIATION -- What a cool cartoon. "Wanna be a member?" "NOOOOOO!!!!" This cartoon is sooooo cool.
About a half dozen other Betty's were shown, but I was too caught up with cookies, roasting hot dogs on an open flame. Rum punch is good. Hey someone brought Shiner Boch... Great... glug glug glug...
After the Betty's the wussys all decide to leave. Clean up begins. What an undertaking!!!
Like the building of pyramids, the use of geek slaves made the impossible possible. I retire to my room to begin trying to hook up the Laser Disc player to see if it works!!! DAMN!!!! I need some coaxial. GLEN!!!!! I begin fretting seriously. The printer is unhooked, the antennae is buried in a spontaneous avalanche of cool stuff!!!
Finally it's all in place. But there is some sort of magical trick to making it work on the page. Then my sister... says... "Why don't you turn off the VCR and see if it works.
Stupid sister, tell me what to do.. and it works. HEY IT WORKS. WOW I just got a FREE PIONEER LASERDISC player. Coooooool. NOW I can be anal retentive about the images on screen. I'll become spoiled. I'll be picky. And in 2 years when DVD rules the earth I can still be a format behind!!! I need laserdiscs. I have to make it work. I want to see something! WAIT, Guillermo Del Toro sent me a copy of his LaserDisc of CRONOS!!! Cool where is it? Oh there it is.
I put it in... DAMN this remote has sooooooo many buttons. I wonder what they do. "Can't help it, born button pusher" What is a 'multispeed' button do? Or 'A-repeat-b' or 'Frame/time' Very disturbing. Hey 'PLAY' I know what that's supposed to do!!!
Man!!! That image is soooooo clear. The sound is incredibly crisp. Wow. I like this.
My sister comes in, she's never seen CRONOS before. She is blown away by the film. She loves Ron Perlman. She cries several times in the film. She always cries, what a baby!
Then I realize, CRONOS is a New Year's Eve movie!!! Cool, how fortuitous that the first laserdisc player I ever get is on NEW YEARS and the Only LaserDisc I have is CRONOS which is a New Year's Eve movie!! Cooooool!!! I can't believe I figured out how to make this work. Wow, my brain works real good with rum marinating going on!
When the film is over, it's about 4am. My sister wants me to drive her to get... feminine thingees. She wanted me to buy them for her... NO WAY WAS I GONNA BY FEMALE THINGEES!!! I'm sorry, not on New Year's Day, or any other. Men just don't do that!
Finally I get to sleep. I figure I'll HTML-icize this and get it up later this year... sigh, what a night. Hey! I wonder if there is any more of that Rum Punch left? mmmmmmmmmmmmm....
