Folks, you may have noticed a large vacant space about this movie on the site... There is a reason... I, unfortunately, saw an early print of this film that was so awful that my instant reaction to seeing any email with it's title in the headline was to hit the erase button. The film was soooooo boring that I just went to sleep anytime I heard it's name... But now that it's coming out... well, I figure I ought to... give it a mention, so I hand it over to Soze's Suspect... A 15 year old reviewer that nails dead on exactly my feelings on this drivel. Here ya go...
I enjoy your site very much, Harry, and Ifelt that if I had a chance to write something that might make it on Ain't It Cool News, I should give it a shot.
I just caught an advance screening of The Astronaut's Wife and figured since there were no advance screenings available for critics for this movie and that there has been no info about the movie on your site, even though it stars two very interesting and talented actors (Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron), I thought you might appreciate my two cents on this flick.
I can easily see why this flick was greenlit. The concept sounds good on paper. An astronaut goes into space to fix a satellite and loses contact with the spaceship he came on for 2 minutes. He is rescued and he comes home. He starts to act differently now, but the only person who notices is his wife. What happened to him during those two minutes??!! Throw in Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron and you've got a very acceptable project. Unfortunately, something went horribly wrong with the execution of this movie.
The movie just never grabs you. This might be because of its lack of special effects or its laughable dialogue or more likely a combination of both. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a big fan of big special effects movies but goddamn if this movie didn't need something to keep the audience awake. All the dramatic scenes were ruined for me by the laughter of the audience. I shouldn't say ruined because I was laughing harder than anybody. When Johnny Depp said that the thought of a certain female body part that his wife possessed was what kept him warm in space, i just couldn't contain myself. Oh goodness, who wrote this drivel!!
I musn't forget the performances. Johnny Depp gives a good enough performance and is menacing enough in his role to emerge from the movie unscathed (much like he did from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). Regretfully, I can't same the same for Ms. Theron. She basically rehashes her role in the Devil's Advocate except with a different haircut. Actually I can give a more accurate comparison than that, she played THE EXACT SAME ROLE AS MIA FARROW IN ROSEMARY'S BABY AND THEY MAKE HER UP TO LOOK JUST LIKE MIA EXCEPT THIS AIN'T HALF THE MOVIE THAT WAS AND SHE AIN'T HALF THE ACTRESS THAT MIA WAS!!!! Sorry, I got carried away but this movie truly was an uncredited remake of Rosemary's Baby. It is awfully hard to miss the similarities. I am not a big fan of spoilers so i will not go in to them. In summation, this was basically a boring, overlong movie with nothing original to say whatsoever.
Now to the good part. I saw trailers for 3 upcoming Newline movies. I believe these trailers have already been covered on the site but I feel like giving my opinion. The first trailer was for "Magnolia" which looks fabulous. I love Magnolia's trailer with the old urban legend about the jilted woman who fires a warning shot at her husband with a shotgun but accidentally hits a boy in the middle of committing suicide jumping out of a window-style with a voiceover talking about coincidences. Then all the principal members of the cast introduce themselves and I couldn't help but grin at all the fine actors that are in this production and the quirky-looking characters they are playing ( my favorite being William H. Macy).
The next trailer was for Dog Park with Luke Wilson and also Janeane Garofalo, two very funny actors. The trailer is good and this movie looks like it actually might turn out to be quite humorous for a romantic comedy, which I usually despise.
The final trailer was for Lost Souls with Winona Rider and Ben Chaplin. I was intrigued by this movie when I first heard about it but the trailer kind of dimmed my hopes. The trailer is very dark (literally and figuratively) and confusing and the movie doesn't appear to be all that original. I am sure the movie will look good cause it is from the Janusz Kaminski who was Spielberg's cinematographer on Saving Private Ryan i believe but i was a little discouraged by this movie which i am sure will get lost in the wave of horror/drama themed movies that are coming out this fall.
That was my two cents, since you already have a 12 year-old reviewer i do not want to be called the 15 year-old reviewer (i am 15 as you probably already figured out). Call me Soze's Suspect.
