DETROIT ROCK CITY review

I am so tired. Exhausted, worn plum out.

I just got back to Austin from my little 24 hour excursion to Los Angeles to hook up with Moriarty. Read the sacred texts, break into a major effects company and of course go see KISS playing in some UCLA parking lot.

Oh yeah. And we were also going to see DETROIT ROCK CITY.

Now before I get into this review and begin talking about last night, I want to set y’all straight on this. I’m seeing DETROIT ROCK CITY again tonight... Without any of the pomp and circumstance. Just with the regular cool line folks. Gene Simmons will be nowhere within sight. In fact... The only thing I’ll want to do after the movie tonight is sleep, cause I haven’t had the opportunity to do that yet and it’s been a long ass haul of awakeness.

Now... Let’s set the way back machine for 17 hours ago.

WHOOPS!!!! In actuality I hit the snooze button and slept. Now it seems I’m back in Austin and I’ve just returned from the second showing of DETROIT ROCK CITY that I’ve seen. I’ll review both experiences in this review.

So, once again, I’ll attempt to set the way back controls...

(doodily doo doodily doo doodily doo)

Alright. I’m in Los Angeles, it’s the 25th Anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation. And 30 years ago in this town we all learned of a terrible murder that took Sharon Tate’s life and introduced us all to Charles Manson and his family.

I wasn’t around for Manson, but I remember Nixon’s presidency coming to an end. Quickly followed by Ford’s head hitting that microphone and Chevy Chase doing an impersonation of it.

I remember Jimmy Carter and his brother’s BILLY BEER, I remember boycotting the Olympics and cheating Kurt Thomas out of the chance to win a ton of Olympic gold.

I remember the world of KROFT, the original Stretch Armstrong, Mego Dolls, metal lunchboxes, long hair, polyester, tight jeans with funky stitching on the back pockets. I remember Phantom of the Paradise, Dark Star, Schlock (aka The Banana Monster), projected Godzilla movies, Drive-ins, glass bottles with no plastic in sight. Gasoline under 70 cents. I also remember the OPEC strike and the 7 mile gas station lines with cars being pushed empty to the pump.

I remember being afraid of the Russians, but knowing that we would win. I remember disco and all it’s glory, and I remember Rock-N-Roll kicking Disco’s ass.

Back when Ozzy Osborne was eating the heads off live chickens on stage and tongue kissing the serpents as well. I remember the first time I heard of KISS.

It was 1975. I was 3 and a half years old. It was in Detroit. Technically at the DETROIT TRIPLE FAN FAIR to be precise. A convention that my parents had taken me to. It was the same convention where my father purchased a two foot stack of YELLOW SUBMARINE animation cels and the original pan backgrounds for FORBIDDEN PLANET.

My mother had befriended a stripper at the convention and she told my mother how she goes from costume contest to costume contest winning best costume and collecting the $100 reward without ever stripping.

Hearing this (there is a point to the story) my mother wanted to try it out and wondered out loud where she could get a costume. Mom’s new friend said she had an extra costume that was about her size that was a Barbarella costume.

Mom really did love BARBARELLA so consented. She went out on stage and stomped her foot 3 times to get the room’s attention... The costume came apart at the Velcro hinges and left her completely nude on stage. She won the female division of the costume contest. The male winner was a guy dressed up like some sort of nightmare. And the runner up was a god of thunder viking character with a long beard.

The winners posed for an artist and my father bought the piece. I had it hanging in my room since the age of three and a half. Here it is....

Now at that time, I knew nothing about KISS. I didn’t know that that character sung songs. At the time I was in my ‘RAMBLIN MAN’ phase with an occasional intervention of Snow White’s “DIG DIG” My favorite things in the universe were GORGO and THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

As the following years went by I began seeing that head next to my mother’s appear everywhere. I had heard their music, but hadn’t put the image with the music together yet.

I remember at some point in 1977 or 78, KISS played near or in Austin. And everyone in Mrs Sparkman’s class in Elementary school was talking about them. I’d seen magazines out the ass of fiery explosions and gurgling blood and bad ass images that would haunt my subconscious as well as conscious mind.

Then in 1979... Three Mile Island went insane. Two weeks before I had seen CHINA SYNDROME and I was officially scared of Nuclear Power. A party in Austin called EEYORE’S BIRTHDAY PARTY was coming up and I put on my glow in the dark Reptilian mask, my NO NUKES t-shirt and green makeup along my arms and went to win the costume contest. They asked me what I was and I told them, “I’m the thing that survived three-mile island!”

Being the political town Austin was/is... I won. My prize? The 4 KISS solo albums. Each with a face upon it. That night, I put the music and the faces together. And I’ve been dying to see them play ever since.

I’ve had the gumcards, the comic printed with their own blood, the Love Gun water pistol, the 4 12 inch dolls, the lunch box, the belt buckle and a shit load of magazines.

I had a very real chance to see them without make up once. But... I had faith that the make up would return. It’s kinda like when DC fucked up the SUPERMAN costume, or anytime MARVEL screws with SPIDER-MAN’s costume.... They always come back to the classic iconic image.

But, I remember my friends in the late 70’s, and I remember trying to connive to see KISS. My parents would have been cool with it, but... There was something about KISS that made you not want parental support in your seeking out of them.

I didn’t want mom or dad to say, “Oh cool Harry, here’s your tickets!”

I wanted to.... see them on my own. I wanted to quest to see them. I wanted to go, not with mom or dad, but a fellow friend who could sing loudly and out of tune to every song sung. That would flash the ol horns with the thumb out and not tucked in like the University of Texas hook’em sign.

So, when I got my tickets to the world premiere to DETROIT ROCK CITY (not through the studio btw), I decided. It was my time to quest as well. Those four kids in the movie, traversed many dangers to see that concert. And one quote I had heard from the movie, “What? You want to be watching KISS on album covers for the rest of your life?” got me.

No goddamnit. I want to see KISS now!

So, I stepped off that plane, got to my hotel, telephoned Moriarty and had some major adventures into the forbidden that Moriarty and I will be clueing you folks into over the next.... oh couple of weeks or so.

About an hour before we were suppose to arrive at the WESTWOOD VILLAGE, Moriarty and I hung out in my room. And tried to relax. We were hyping ourselves up too much. Also, both of our days had started waaaay too early. And we both hadn’t much sleep.

We sat in the room, drank our caffeinated drinks of choice and talked about KISS. Moriarty being around since the time of Leopold Stokowski has made a study of music in this century. He told me about how he had constructed 4 robotic rock stars, one with an animatronic tongue, that were built and unleashed with the express purpose of bringing forth diversification. Moriarty has always felt that evil needed some poster boys to take the heat off of him, so he created KISS.

Personally I believe he’s full of shit and senile, but that’s another story all together. I talked about Tom Joad and his experience with his parents, specifically his ex-nun Mom and her destroying of his Gene Simmons poster. While my parents were doing things like hanging posters in my bedroom as an infant that portrayed Mickey, Donald and Goofy smoking a hooka, and another that had every Disney character in the midst of an orgy.... think of Pinnochio’s long nose and a spread legged Cinderella (drawn by Wally Wood). KISS was tame in their eyes... to me, they’re exciting.

The clock ticked down. We got ready and hiked the 4 or 5 block walk on over to the Westwood Village.

We could hear sound checks from the UCLA parking lot 7 blocks away... and we smiled. Me and my fat cheeks and Moriarty with his wrinkled skin texture, though as we got 2 blocks away he put on this wig and had me affix these strange clothespins pulling his skin smooth for a stunning BRAZIL-like disguise of a young man. (We don’t call him an evil genius for nothing)

Soon we saw the crowds and pulled out our tickets got in the theater as quickly as possible and sat down.... About 7th row center. This premiere had a high degree of mega-babes walking around. ‘Big breastses’

Moriarty was saying, “Lotsa of potential Mrs. Evil Geniuses walking around tonight.”

Dirty old man.

Sure enough the movie started a good 45 minutes late, which to me was actually 15 minutes early cause these things always start an hour late... You can set your watch by it.

From the opening New Line symbol it had me smiling. There was this cool electric guitar riff version of that... ‘New Line theme’

Now, right around here you are thinking. ‘Gosh Harry, is it really necessary to go into all that above detail before we get to the movie?’

Well, simply... With this film it’s imperative. DETROIT ROCK CITY could be described as an ‘Animal House meets American Graffiti meets I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ comedy. But to me, it’s a lot easier than that. It’s like DAZED & CONFUSED if it had been directed by Robert Rodriguez.

SEE THIS FILM IN A LOUD DAMN THEATER!

The soundtrack rocks hard and often. Not just with KISS tunes but with music from all over the period. And for me, the coolest musical sequences are a couple of classical selections used for comic and dramatic underscore which are just friggin hilarious. If you can survive that EXCALIBUR piece about 12 minutes from the end without cracking up in hysterics then you are a much stronger rock to crack than me.

Recently we’ve been seeing a lot of seventies set movies, but the problem is.... while we see a few references here and there to this and that from way back when... We miss key objects. Where are our Famous Monsters, the Marvel and DC comics, the MAD magazines, the Hustlers, the Farrah poster, the Partridge Family games, Stretch Armstrong, the black light posters, the 8 track tapes, Lou Ferrigno, Cheech & Chong, Jaws, Saturday Night Live, Nixon, poisoned Kool-Aid and the Village People?

If you at all have a fetish for the seventies this is a bit of an all-you-can-eat buffet for the eyes and ears. If you have a complete distaste for the seventies then... well you may very well leave the film with ribs exposed and a bloated gas filled belly awaiting to hear the stirring tune of WE ARE THE WORLD.

The film is rich in it’s detail. From the hairstyles to the belt buckles to the wallets and watches. Now, one person in my group tonight (here at the Austin screening) claims that at the time of this movie there were no punch button pay telephones, but that is a detail that I sure as hell can’t remember one way or another.

But I remember with great trepidation the K-MART stylings that my maternal grandmother used to wrap my carcass in. They were... HORRIBLE. Made me look like some sort of red-headed step child of the Brady Bunch. I hated them. Instead I grooved to the political and pop-culture t-shirts my parents provided me with. The ‘Question Authority’ one was a particular fave of mine.

I’ve seen the film twice now. The first time was a perfect visual and aural film presentation. Tonight at the CINEMARK MULTIPLEX off of Stassney here in Austin, Texas.... They turned the film on with ONLY the center front speaker on and volume so low that if a giggle came from behind you, you couldn’t hear the following dialogue. And there were a lot of frigging giggles, belly laughs, cheering and clapping at the screening tonight.

Meanwhile, in Westwood.... The screening was filled with a lot of industry types and a few instantly recognizable KISS fans. The result was whole sequences of hilarity where it felt as though only Moriarty and I were howling in laughter. By the end of the screening in Westwood though, the audience was fully fired up.

One of the reasons I wanted to wait and review the film after this second screening is this.

Last night was one of my favorite film experiences I have ever had. Watching DETROIT ROCK CITY which is nothing if not a wonderfully constructed mythic quest to seek out KISS and to affirm us KISS fans for doing so. It’s a bit about how while KISS fans are in fact obsessed with KISS they care about other great issues like getting laid and raising money.

There is also a theme of not preaching blind morality to those who can see. Which, what with all the bullshit we are getting from the MPAA to the Catholic League to the Senate itself... Well, it’s a nice message to preach. Unfortunately the ears that will hear it are not the ears that need to hear it.

In a lot of ways I’m smiling like crazy cause I believe that there is probably a higher degree of religious subversion aimed at the Catholic church in this film than in DOGMA, but the idiotic kneejerk reactionary splinter group called the Catholic League just didn’t get this script at all.

The editing in this film will remind some of the work in BOOGIE NIGHTS, while the cinematography reminded me of Robert Rodriguez’s work. The sound editing and design was just lovely cartoonish and over the top to provide that hyper-reality that we all exist in when the adrenal gland is pumping pints of that shit into our skulls.

The audience here in Austin would range from trying to be extremely quiet so we could just hear the damn movie, on account of the crap Tinseltown garbage mart, to prolonged laughter. Through out the film there were cheers and laughter.

Not a single person in my group didn’t really really like the film, including my Father, who is cool for a grown up (“I’ll never grow up dammit!”).

As for the filmmakers and cast? Well, damn....

First off is director Adam Rifkin who... to be perfectly honest hasn’t made a movie I’ve even come close to liking (that I’ve seen). I didn’t care too much at all for THE CHASE, and while I love SMALL SOLDIERS, which he had a hand in writing, I don’t know to what degree I owe him thanks as many writers worked on that project with Joe Dante. This film seemed to be injected with enthusiasm and passion for the material. There seemed to be a genuine love for each and every character... even if they were the loathsome bad guys.

Eddie Furlong as Hawk is... really damn convincing. Annette Kellerman feels that Eddie is cute as hell, and I’ve always liked the kid even if he’s gonna be a great military leader someday. In a lot of ways this is an older version of his John Connor character but with a significant lack of savvy and common sense. But he is... cool. He’s got one hell of a mean kick to the gonad ability and is the luckiest damn KISS geek this world has seen.

Giuseppe Andrews as Lex is a pretty dang real kid. He gets pissed, he tries to have self control. He’s quiet and when he opens his mouth he wants it to sound cool. Sometimes it is... sometimes it isn’t, but is that not the way it is with all of us?

Sam Huntington as Jerome or.... JAM (it’s his... Band Name. I friggin love that. ‘Band Name’) Well, gosh... this boy is sweet. Once again Annette has one of her ‘school girl crushes’ on JAM here, and it’s easy to see why. Of the 4 he’s the only one that you can believe might possibly get a relationship with someone on a continual basis. And, though I thought the film was supposed to be Furlong’s... after watching it twice I really do believe that Sam here might have taken that away from him.

James DeBello as Trip... Man oh man, I really love this character and actor. In some appearance levels he looks a bit like a clone of Jay (ya know as in Silent Bob), but there is a deeper level of innate stupidity and non-awareness at work within his character. But... I love it when this guy geeks out. In fact all 4 of these guys geek out REAL WELL! But Trip does so with no hindrances. He’s loud, uses his hands and becomes physically rambunctious when thwarted from his geek ideal. And I just have to say he should win some sort of award for merely using a Stretch Armstrong to the fantastic degree that he does. I loved my old Stretch Armstrong and.... I knew he could be a real hero someday and man oh man is he ever. The pan from the SMILEY MART sign to Trip’s face is wonderful... and he brazen sort of ‘nothing that leaves my mouth can I be really held responsible for’ ethic is just beautiful.

Lin Shaye as Jam’s mom is one of the great comedy villains for me. While she isn’t quite given say the lines of say Dean Wormer’s “Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining”, but her conviction and venom with which she delivers her lines are just biting as hell. The cold uncaring look of agitation and bewilderment in her eye, the instant kneejerk reactionism... Perfect character. I loved her.

Natasha Lyonne as one of them Stellas is once again very strong. You might remember her as the girl in AMERICAN PIE that was always getting involved in everybody’s business and helping them to get laid. She’s the one that helped that one guy spread rumors about the size of his cock and his sexual prowess. Well, Natasha has my interest in the same sort of way that I’m fascinated with Christina Ricci. Lyonne is a cool quirky character that really seems to chew the hell out of the scenery that she is placed in. Her upcoming parts in CONFESSIONS OF A TRICK BABY and BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER could very well help solidify her standing as one of the cooler young actresses working today.

Melanie Lynskey. Now that’s a name that a lot of people don’t know. And I have to admit that I didn’t know it, and while I had the ‘feeling’ that I’d seen her before I could not place her for the life of me. I bumped into her a couple of times at the afterparty and still did not place her. But then Robogeek tonight squealed with glee at how great it was to finally see her again since her role in HEAVENLY CREATURES opposite Kate Winslet. Well ya could have just hung a “I’m Stooopid” sign above my head cause... I should have recognized her. But man it’s been like 5 years since that film. I also saw that she too is in BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER. Man, between her, Natasha and Clea DuVall... I can’t wait to see that film. Her character in this film just feels honest. She feels like a real nervous girl.

Then there is Shannon Tweed, who... heh heh... Maaaaan, fucking Furlong. Lucky little bastard. She really does ooze that older seductress of young male meat look like you wouldn’t believe in this film.

But then there are tons of other characters that you’ve seen on that fantastic poster that are equally praise worthy in this film. That boy and his brother Chango, Elvis the hall monitor, the disco car guys, the scalper.... who has a fantastic scene of coercion with Furlong that just leads him along the path to the dark side, through which he may reemerge in... Well I won’t say what he emerges in, but oh man.... You can probably figure it out.

I really really like AMERICAN PIE quite a bit, and to some it may end up being the better film to their tastes, but to me.... I prefer, by a lot, DETROIT ROCK CITY.

Why?

First off, AMERICAN PIE is set in the here and now, with today’s youth. In a strange way I don’t quite associate with those guys. The desperation to get laid by a deadline with whoever you possibly can is... Well it just isn’t particularly endearing to me.

What I love about sex, and which is handled to a wonderful degree in this movie, is it’s usually best when you haven’t planned it, plotted it and scheduled it on you weekly calendar.

The biggest point is... I associate very closely with these characters. I remember the very same excited rapturous glee with which they speak of KISS. I love their roadtrip to the concert, something I have done on many occasions and loved their ‘theater of the absurd’ version of it.

I love the way the movie reinforces the very fibre of a KISS fan’s universe that it is cool... oh so very cool to kick ass in the name of KISS, to get laid in the name of KISS, to tell your parents off in the name of KISS, to be different, wild and eclectic like KISS.

The movie is at all times not about KISS and nothing but about KISS. The film is probably closer to ROCK-N-ROLL HIGH SCHOOL than ANIMAL HOUSE, but it definitely has a mighty powerful dose of laughter.

Once again. Seek out the loudest possible theater in your area that is playing it. You want the cuffs of your pants to vibrate as Chango walks, as the dogs howl and as the shotgun goes off. You want to be immersed in that concert, in the strip club and you want to feel Ron Jeremy say “Swallow”!

I really want a soundtrack that is exactly the music off this movie, with all the other non-ROCK stuff as well. I want that Little Rascals music between LOVE GUN and DETROIT ROCK CITY.

This has been one hell of a summer for fun comedies. I still feel ELECTION is by far the smartest, I believe this to be the most fun and cool.

And lastly... I’ll spare you the description of the concert afterwards. It was cool. And... there was a moment where it looked like security wasn’t going to let me and Moriarty in. And I instantly went into a Trip impersonation looking for a couple of kids to beat the shit out of. Luckily we managed to use a couple of Moriarty’s henchmen, who gladly gave up their lives so that he and I could have black powder burns for explosions splash across our faces. So we could feel the blast of heat from every fireball erupting from the stage. And... I do want to say that the performance was everything I always dreamed KISS would be like on stage. Though it is airing on VH1 this Thursday so you can catch the concert and maybe a glance of me. I’m about dead even with the ‘I’ in the KISS sign and three bodies from the front. Right in the heart of the jumping pounding KISS screaming maniacs. Twas quite a bit of fun.

But then... So is just watching the movie with a bunch of friends right here in Austin. Enjoy the show.