In the beginning, there was this:
Then there was this:
and this amazing adversary:
Then they reinvented Stretch with this fucking awful head!
Still Later there was this:
As you can see...The toy went from awesome to having awesome villains... to sub retard toy status. Now, the powers at be have decided to hand the astonishingly pliable property that is STRETCH ARMSTRONG to Steve Oedekerk. The guy behind such shit as: PATCH ADAMS, THUMB WARS, BAT THUMB, THE GODTHUMB, FRANKENTHUMB, THE BLAIR THUMB, KUNG POW, THUMBTANIC, BARNYARD, ACE VENTURA, JIMMY NEUTRON and both BRUCE & EVAN ALMIGHTY. That said, he's not done with us yet. He's going to dish out a STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie... something that will probably be rushed to beat whatever PLASTIC MAN movie the Wachowski's have in the works - and will further taint my fond memories of my Stretch Armstrong that I had... as a child.
That's right, this is Harry... and I have a painful Stretch Armstrong memory. I got this awesome toy for Christmas 1977. That following Spring of 78, my childhood house was broken into. The thieves stole untold treasures and collector items from my parents' horded geek gold... but the real trauma came when I walked into my bedroom. You see... STRETCH ARMSTRONG, for a period of time, was my favoritest toy ever. I loved that toy. And on the day where we found our house raped by strangers... I found the gooey innards of Stretch Armstrong poured all over my child hood television and his decapitated head glued to the set top. WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
Oh sure. Sure, the thieves undoubtedly decided to see how far Stretch could stretch. The commercials made it seem he could stretch for miles... but that wasn't so. This wasn't miracle material - and when grown man strength was applied - it could and would burst. I never replaced my Stretch Armstrong. It was a casualty of home invasion. And now, hack extraordinaire... Steve Oedekerk will dig all that up, ruin a genuine great property in PLASTIC MAN - and bring back my own personal trauma. What a jerk move!
and this amazing adversary:
Then they reinvented Stretch with this fucking awful head!
Still Later there was this:
As you can see...The toy went from awesome to having awesome villains... to sub retard toy status. Now, the powers at be have decided to hand the astonishingly pliable property that is STRETCH ARMSTRONG to Steve Oedekerk. The guy behind such shit as: PATCH ADAMS, THUMB WARS, BAT THUMB, THE GODTHUMB, FRANKENTHUMB, THE BLAIR THUMB, KUNG POW, THUMBTANIC, BARNYARD, ACE VENTURA, JIMMY NEUTRON and both BRUCE & EVAN ALMIGHTY. That said, he's not done with us yet. He's going to dish out a STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie... something that will probably be rushed to beat whatever PLASTIC MAN movie the Wachowski's have in the works - and will further taint my fond memories of my Stretch Armstrong that I had... as a child. That's right, this is Harry... and I have a painful Stretch Armstrong memory. I got this awesome toy for Christmas 1977. That following Spring of 78, my childhood house was broken into. The thieves stole untold treasures and collector items from my parents' horded geek gold... but the real trauma came when I walked into my bedroom. You see... STRETCH ARMSTRONG, for a period of time, was my favoritest toy ever. I loved that toy. And on the day where we found our house raped by strangers... I found the gooey innards of Stretch Armstrong poured all over my child hood television and his decapitated head glued to the set top. WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? Oh sure. Sure, the thieves undoubtedly decided to see how far Stretch could stretch. The commercials made it seem he could stretch for miles... but that wasn't so. This wasn't miracle material - and when grown man strength was applied - it could and would burst. I never replaced my Stretch Armstrong. It was a casualty of home invasion. And now, hack extraordinaire... Steve Oedekerk will dig all that up, ruin a genuine great property in PLASTIC MAN - and bring back my own personal trauma. What a jerk move!
