Have Brian Robbins And Eddie Murphy Reversed Course And Crafted A Comedy Classic With A THOUSAND WORDS??

Beaks here...

Remember when we thought DREAMGIRLS was the beginning of the Eddie Murphy redemption tour? Remember when, during last year's press tour for MEET DAVE, he said he was ready to do stand-up again? Remember when you didn't actively dread a new movie from one of the most gifted comedic performers of the last fifty years? I'll spare you another lament over the soul-crushing direction of Eddie Murphy's career, and hand you over to "Weapon X and a Half". From the paycheck-cashing duo that brought you NORBIT and MEET DAVE comes A THOUSAND WORDS...

Hey Harry! Longtime reader, first time writer. I'm writing because tonight at the Paramount Pictures Studio on Melrose in LA I was "fortunate" enough to attend one of the first screenings of Eddie Murphy's "A THOUSAND WORDS." The film's coming out in October, according to IMDB, so they had us check it out to see if it needs to be fixed. So does it? Let me just say that I'm rootin for Eddie Murphy because I know he can be funny. I can still watch classics like Coming to America or the first Beverly Hills Cop and crack the hell up. But frankly the man hasn't churned out anything funny since Nutty Professor 2 back in 2000. Unless you count his vocal work in the Shrek movies, (at which, only the first two were good) so if you want to get technical, he hasn't made anything funny since 2004--5 years ago. Unfortunately the streak continues. This is a movie with a decent enough premise. A man finds out he only has 1000 words left before he dies. But it's completely wasted on a dumb movie with horrible characters you don't care about, and horrible direction courtesy of Brian "the hack responsible for Norbit and Meet Dave" Robbins. That man is easily killing Murphy's career. But let's not give him all the credit...Let's share some with Steve Koren, the man responsible for Click and Bruce Almighty! Those two may have been decent comedies, but the "what-if a crazy workaholic comedian ends up in a crazier unbelievable situation" formula's wearing thin buddy! Murphy plays Jack McCall, an agent for a successful book publishing company looking to get deals with successful authors. He's so successfull that he can afford to be a douche that specializes in bullshitting people, and in the process neglects the "important things in life that matter" like "being good to others" and "being a good father/husband." His wife, played by Kerry Washington (the blind chick The Thing is taking advantage of with his rock parts in Fantastic Four 1 and 2), is--get this--frustrated because he *gasp* is always on the phone thinking about work! He mistreats his assistant (played by Clarke Duke from Sex Drive), and everyone else around him. But one day Eddie goes to sign a book deal for his boss (Allison Janney) with some successful religious guru/yoga instructor played by Cliff Curtis. When he sees him, he ends up getting cut by some magical tree (yes you read that correctly), which all of a sudden appears in his backyard one night. He starts to notice that for every word he says, a leaf falls from the tree--which includes writing words, and giving the tree the finger, but for some inconsistant reason, NOT nodding "yes" and shaking your head "no." The Guru Pitka, or Chopra, or JoJo--whatever the fuck his name was--tells him that once all the leaves fall off the tree, and it dies, so does Murphy. So our protagonist, not being able to speak, decides to spend the rest of the movie playing charades and acting like a moron by jumping up and down, shaking, and making funny faces. This predictably ends up frustrating his wife more because she's bitching about moving into a new house, and forcing him to go to Daddy-Son classes without getting a real response from him (other than a "comedic" spasm) to the point where she, *gasp* leaves him and takes their son. He then gets fired, and in the last miraculous 10 minutes, undergoes a revelation that makes him a "better person," a transformation that comes so suddenly, it makes the Grinch's change of heart look amazingly reallistic. Ok, now to rip this one a new asshole...What can I say. The movie's pure shit. It's completely illogical, you end up disliking most of the characters, and it's painfully unfunny. For one thing, Murphy's able to show and convince his assistant about what's going on with the tree late into the movie, but apparently he doesn't think about showing it to convince his wife. I guess it just doesnt occur to him. But if he had done that about 40 mins into the movie, he'd have saved us all 50 more minutes of crap. I mean he doesn't even keep track of how many words he has left (how many leaves the tree has). And rather than using those final words constructively, he uses them acting like a moron. It's attempts at comedy are basically Eddie Murphy trying to make rap noises during yoga chanting, or spasming while struggling to say something, or a few slapstick dumbass scenes. One scene had a blindman (John Witherspoon) asking Eddie if it's safe to cross a busy street, with Eddie unable to say anything, which predictably turns out to be nothing more than a retarded over-the-top rejected Mr. Magoo joke. Another scene had Eddie being attacked by a stuffed cat. And another had Eddie being hit by a swing that his son was on. If there was any comedy in the movie, it's all because of Clarke Duke. He's a pretty talented actor/comedian, and his career's going to take a hit because of this crapfest. His character is someone the movie tries to get you to root for or have sympathy for, only to make him inconsistantly turn into a douche at the end, so you dislike him completely. There's only a few decent attempts at character development, which have something to do with Murphy's character's daddy issues. Legendary actress, Ruby Dee plays his alzheimer-afflicted mother, in scenes which actually make you want to feel something for the movie, considering she believes him to be her late husband during his visits. Unfortunately there's only around 2 of those, and they don't compensate for the rest of the shitfest. The movie doesnt even attempt to connect these with Murphy's own situation with his son and wife. The problem with these "what-if" comedies are that they're ALWAYS the same. Workaholic idiot goes through a supernatural situation that changes his life and make him realize his priorities. However, Click and Bruce Almighty regardless of how formulaic they were, were actually funnier and presented the formula in a more coherent way. The characters and their changes were more believable, and you actually ended up giving a damn about their stories and situations, rather than completely mocking and questioning them. They were definitely less flawed. And I remind you, I'm talking about CLICK and BRUCE ALMIGHTY, for god's sake--Movies that make you wish for old school Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler---they're practically Oscar worthy compared to this piece of shit! The problem is Brian Robbins. Terrible amateur director, who specializes in poor sight gags over coherent storytelling or character development. But what do you expect? The man started out doing that low-rent child's SNL, "ALL THAT," and continued with Norbit. And Eddie definitely needs to stop associating himself with this guy ASAP. His career is dying--we all know it. But we have seen what happens with he works with a capable director (just see Dreamgirls, which earned him an Oscar Nod). Anyway, I just wanted to warn everyone before the movie comes out. They want to save this thing? Refilm everything. However, at this point, it's hardly worth it... Anyway, thanks a lot! If you use this, call me "Weapon X and a Half"

And yet I'm holding out hope for Karey Kirkpatrick's IMAGINE THAT (formerly NOWHERELAND). He's a good man, momma, when he ain't throwing me down the stairs...