Cichlisuite's review of DOGMA!

First off, let me introduce you to Cichlisuite... He's one of our latest super secret weapons vs the vaunted terror of the test screening process. He's one of them there motivated movie goers.

Secondly, as the hundreds of good standing Catholics have let me know, there is a difference between the CATHOLIC LEAGUE and your regular Catholics. Apparently the Catholic League is one of those radicalized groups, where as Catholics are just normal people like you, me, Kevin Smith and Guillermo Del Toro. So this review is for all of you folks... Norman or Saxon, Christian or Pagan that can't wait to see DOGMA.

Since it seems to be having problems picking up distributors (while it is picking up fans), perhaps the Weinsteins will run off some film prints and do a limited distribution in say... the top twenty markets? The only way to silence the contreversy is to get the film out their so the film can pick up the supporters that it doesn't currently have. Personally, I'd push for a Dobie Theater or Alamo Drafthouse run here in Austin! I know for certain those places would be packed... every showing.

Now... onto Cichlisuite....

HOLY 'DOGMA', BATMAN!!!!

by Cichlisuite

I'm gonna make this as quick and painless as possible. I had a choice between seeing 'Dogma' or 'Mystery Men' on a fine Thursday night in this shithole known as Los Angeles, and there was no question as to which one I was gonna see. Kevin Smith almost rules the planet (Right behind Scorsese and the Wood Man) and there was NO WAY in hell (scuse the pun) that I was gonna miss this evening (exept if I died and that did not happen). even if it meant lying to the place that employs me (which never stopped me in the past....I think my Dad or Mom was in the hospital dying last week! Suckers always buy that excuse). Anyways I made it into the coveted 'Dogma' screening and what a happy friggin camper I was.

No stars. I'm assuming they're already sippin Cristal on the french Riviera as we speak. Only Mr. Harvey Weinstein (who left REAL early, probably so peasant nobodies like me wouldn't kiss his puffy anus for a job). Just a bunch of die-hard fans who would've sold their grandmothers to make this screening. Now, long story short. I'm assuming most of you reading this have read the 'Dogma' script. I have and it was very funny. If you haven't, then there are places to download it. So, no spoilers here. It all pretty much went as scripted, anyways. The cast was superb. I read the script after it was casted and thought everyone was perfect....and they were (Yep...even Ms. Morrissette, God bless her 'Ironic' self).

There were a few surprises, as expected (fans of old 70's films and of course films from Mr. Smith's oveure will undoubtedly recognize them!) The best part of the film was, even though it was long, it did not drag. There was enough great dialogue and character interplay to keep your interest The standout, for me at least, was Alan Rickman, whose pretentious British-alcoholic angel was a laugh riot. I've always been a big fan of Mr. Rickmans work.

Jay and Silent Bob were, well, Jay and Silent Bob. No change there. Chris Rock was a fucking laugh riot and the fems (Salma and Fiorentino....even Morrissette looked do-able) were hot little tamales. The film won't come out until fall and will most likely open to all the religious idiots picketing their whiny, self-serving asses off (Note to Mr. Weinstein....don't sell the film...you've always made good choices and have stood behind some amazing talent. Just like the message of the film.....HAVE FAITH!!!!).

Well, Dogma's and Dogette's, it's been real fun (actually, I hate doing this shit, I just like to brag about cool movies I've seen and YOU HAVEN'T...HA!). Peace mortals and Snootchi Bootchie to all the blunt heads in the house!

Love, Cichlisuite :)