a. ANAKIN: "This smells like Count Dooku to me!" b. JABBA'S TRANSLATION DROID: "[Jabba] demands you bring back the slime who kidnapped his punky muffin." c. ANAKIN: "I knew you'd get here on time!" AHSOKA: "Always in time to save your life!" d. The whiny Anakin and the even whinier Ahsoka bicker like the anti-Bing-and-Bob, and immediately start calling each other "SkyGuy" and "Snaps." Ahsoka also refers to R2-D2 as "Artooie." e. On two different occasions, seemingly minutes apart, Anakin responds to one of Ahsoka's lame wisecracks by saying, "Very funny, Snaps." (The "very funny" rejoinder is, of course, the laziest possible laugh-track of a retort that you can use as a screenwriter.)3. Because you demanded it, Lucas shovels out loads of all-new slapstick comedy with those "Roger Roger" droids. They can't remember simple strings of numbers! They trip off cliffs! They accidentally refer to Asajj Ventress as "sir"! 4. The stolen "Huttlet" baby looks like a bowling ball with a tadpole tail. It belches green fumes. I am also unclear on how Ahsoka can suddenly tell it has a fever. 5. There's a dull, repetitive sameness to the action scenes. This is partly because watching one faceless soldier fight another faceless soldier makes it monumentally tough to care. It's also partly because the movie is three episodes strung together -- meaning you get two or three marching-robot battle scenes that each would have been the high point of an individual episode. 6. The TV-sized music score is by "Stargate," "Enterprise," "Walker, Texas Ranger" and "Wing Commander" composer Kevin Kiner, and it isn't so much awful as it is deeply, generically uninteresting. (It's also apparently a lot less interesting than the score for "The Force Unleashed," if anyone here keeps track of that sort of thing.) I pity anyone who has to follow John Williams on this gig, but Kiner barely even uses Williams' themes; I've already heard more than one person compare Kiner's drum-driven version of the "Star Wars" main title (you can listen to it here) to something played by a marching band. (Over on the JWFan message boards, one poster wrote: "The [title] track sounds like Hans Zimmer's shot at the Star Wars main title. In other words, a personal nightmare.") If I want remixed "Star Wars" themes, I'll stick to the amazing movie-music mashups by serial-Katie-Sackhoff-interviewer Fatboy Roberts, thank you very much. 7. There's a moment where Anakin refuses to discuss with Ahsoka his bad memories of Tatooine. Oh, that's right: This children's-film hero is a mass murderer! 8. Unless I'm reading these Amazon pages wrong, this new "Clone Wars" is bumping Genndy Tartakovsky's vastly superior 2D-animated "Clone Wars" series out of print on DVD. Please, someone -- confirm or deny. 9. Finally, I have absolutely no idea what to make of Ziro the Hutt. He's a painted, feather-wearing old queen of a nightclub owner who speaks English in a lispy, Truman Capote Southern-fag accent -- reportedly at George Lucas' specific request. Phonetic spellings of Ziro's statements to Padme would read like this: "Ah KNOW!" and "A senatah ... in THIS nay-buh-hood?" and "Yuh TRIED to call fuh HELP, senatah." I honestly haven't decided yet if this character is SO wrong that it actually goes 'round the bend and becomes kind of perversely awesome in its totally-batshit-insane political incorrectness. But I'm guessing most everybody will hate the drag-queen Hutt, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if GLAAD issued some sort of statement.