Can A Movie Called DONKEY PUNCH Possibly Live Up To Its Title?

Beaks here... From British director Oliver Blackburn, here comes DONKEY PUNCH, a film that isn't entirely about... this. Actually, it'll be screening at this year's Fantastic Fest, and, according to their summary, it's about "a group of European party kids who 'borrow' a yacht for a private party and take things much, much too far." In other words, it's a bitchin' version of KNIFE IN THE WATER. Is it worth your time? Our frequent contributor "The Northlander" has some thoughts on that.

Hey guys. The Northlander here, and I've seen DONKEY PUNCH. I'll keep it short, since there's really not that much to say about it. By now, everyone with half a google who's heard of this title knows what the word means (it's a Nintendo game, right?) This movie... has had some pretty good reviews so I thought I'd might warn some of you in case you're looking forward to it - It's not really that great. I went into this deliberately knowing next to nothing about it. I knew what a 'donkey punch' was, and I'd seen the poster with a bunch of young attractive people on a boat. Also, I knew this was a thriller of some sorts where people got killed. So no real surprises despite my lack of spoiler knowledge. Here's basically what happens (AND IT CONTAINS SPOILERS!): Three young good looking British chicks are in Mallorca to party, and they hook up with four young good looking British guys who works on a yacht. It's the guys' last weekend on the ship before the new crew arrives so they all end up "borrowing" it for some sex, drugs and alcohol out at sea. So they go out, swim about a bit, drink, do drugs, have some sex, and we're now about 35 minutes into the movie. I know this, because this is where I thought I had walked into Big Brother the Movie by mistake instead of a thriller. After this, one of the guys punches one of the girls during sex so bad she dies from it, and this is the catalyst that sets off the thriller elements (about 15 minutes too late imho) which basically consist of these people killing one another for reasons including (but not limited to) not wanting to go to jail, being more afraid of cops than each other trapped on a boat, revenge, self defense and just being pissed off, it seemed. As a thriller it's pretty weak. It borrows structurally a bit from the HOSTEL movies, but where HOSTEL had a real threat and were much more cleverly written; DONKEY PUNCH is still about a bunch of people partying on a boat and then killing each other for reasons they COULD all avoid. It really IS like watching BIG BROTHER at times with all the drinking and drugs and sex and bitching and all of these people you wouldn't want to hang out with in real life being trapped in a small space. The main difference of course being that instead of voting each other out, they just kill each other instead. Oh well. There you have it. It takes way too long to get going, contains no real likable characters, and it's not all that fun or enjoyable either. I will however before I quit my own bitching give one actor an honorable mention. Tom Burke, who plays Bluey, is the one actor that stands out. His darkly funny bad guy performance is worth remembering. But that's about it.

Tough to start out thinking KNIFE IN THE WATER only to end up with BIG BROTHER. At least the title isn't a bait-and-switch. Magnolia Pictures will be releasing DONKEY PUNCH later this year.