Parent and MGM chairman and CEO Harry Sloan announced the "Red Dawn" remake -- along with a big-budget rebuild of "RoboCop," which director Darren Aronofsky among others has recently been in to discuss -- in May at the Festival de Cannes.So Darren Aronofsky's "been in to discuss" the ROBOCOP, eh? The "rebuild" of the Paul Verhoeven classic. Was he drunk when he took this meeting? Aronofsky's a very smart man. He's three-for-three as a filmmaker. Why would he want to go messing around with something as iconic and sui generis as ROBOCOP? For some reason, I'm thinking of Mel Brooks, one of the greatest comedic minds of our time. Two decades ago, he made a horrible mistake and and remade Ernst Lubitsch's TO BE OR NOT TO BE. The result was decent, but, compared against the original, it was a waste of time, talent and money; it served no purpose, and is barely considered nowadays. I'd like Aronofsky to consider this before he does anything rash. I'm not saying he can't make something worthwhile out of a ROBOCOP "rebuild" (hating this terminology so very much); it's just that... he can't make ROBOCOP. That's been done. And ROBOCOP is a very particular thing. It was a superhero satire before theaters were overrun with superhero movies. It's as relevant today as it was in 1987. It ought not be fucked with. Do what you will to RED DAWN, Ms. Parent, but leave our ROBOCOP alone. And don't be complicit in this, Darren, unless you have a worldbeater of an idea. If you really need a hit, remake something less essential. TOP GUN could be updated. Fox is still futzing around with THE FLY. I'd like to see another BYE BYE LOVE. Do I think you could pull off a JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING? Yeah. Do I want to see you take that risk when MGM would just as soon greenlight another HOT TUB TIME MACHINE? Not when you've got THE FIGHTER on your dance card. Just... be careful, man. I care. I care too goddamn much. Now who's driving me home?
