Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I'm almost done with the Cusack interview! Ha! One more review came in, though, so here is a different, less positive, look at the flick to hold you over. Enjoy!
Quint, Long time reader, first time writing... After reading that latest review of War, Inc. I felt that I had to write and post a slightly different take on the latest John Cusack vehicle. Now before I begin I have to say that I've been a long time fan of John Cusack films from Say Anything... and the brilliant Better Off Dead, to Being John Malkovich, High Fidelity and Runaway Jury. The man can pick a good script and seems to really be comfortable infusing his own sense of style and personality to make the role his own. Now this is not to say that I wasn't a fan of War, Inc, but as the credits started to roll at the end of the film the only thing I could think of was that I just finished watching a movie that was one part jeckle and one part hyde. And the result left me with a resounding... meh. From the first moment that John walks into that bar and starts pouring the tabasco sauce into his shot glass I felt like I was seeing a good friend in Martin Blank from Gross Point Blank. From the way he walked into the bar, how he wearily sat down, how he interacted with the bartender all the way through to the end of the scene it felt like this was a continuation of his previous film and for a moment it felt like a sitting down with a good friend that you hadn't seen since high school, but never realized how much you missed him... only to realize that your friend is still the same person he always, became an alcoholic, married the once hot cheerleader-turned-moose, with six kids and living on unemployment. And that was the problem for me. The entire film felt like it was Gross Pointe Blank Revisited. But not the way we wanted.As Gross Pointe Blank ended you almost wanted to see what happened to the now happy Martin Blank and Minnie Driver, and see what new hijinks they'd get themselves into. Maybe a wackier Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But not this... Dear God, not this... As everyone who uses IMDB is aware, here is the basic rundown: John Cusack plays Brand Hauser, a weary assassin with the weight of the world on his shoulders, but seems to be missing an important part of his life. Again, he's a brilliant assassin who always gets his kill, but still he seeks the services of a AAA-like shrink voiced my Montel Williams (This guy is still working!?!) who replaces the much-missed Alan Arkin. Quickly, he is recruited by the former Vice President played by the great Dan Ackroyd (who I felt was inserted just to make you realize how much the filmmakers wanted you to remember Gross Pointe, while still trying to MAKE IT THEIR OWN!) Hauser is enlisted to fly to Turaqistan, where the VP's company, Tamerlane, is engaged in the first war to be entirely outsourced. His mission is to assasinate the Oil Minister, Omar Sherif (Lyubomir Neikov). For cover, he is to act as the Chair of a Tamerlane Trade Mission, which is holding a trade fair within the Green Zone (the Emerald City) of the Turaqustan capital. A highlight of the fair will be the marriage of pop star Yonica Babyyeah (Hilary Duff) to the son of the Emerit. Along the way he meets, and falls for the fiesty female reporter, played by Marisa Tomei, while bantering with his sidekick/secretary Joan Cusak who plays the same roll as their previous outing. And just like the previous journey he finds that he has second thoughts about his chosen life, finds a reason to live again and ends up with the girl. And then some... To be fair, John is as good as always. His delivery was as great as always and the fight scenes were fast, fun and felt real. I still loved Joan and she seemed to lift up any scene she was in. And while wasted, the great Ben Kingsley and Marisa were fun and did the best they could with what little the absurd - and blatantly ripped off - plot from Goss Pointe would allow. The dialog was witty and the cast as a whole seemed to be having fun, especially Ben Kingsley who sadly seemed to be stuck in a role that ultimately left me feeling as if the filmmakers wanted to have a great final foil for our hero, but never really felt to me like he was any serious threat. And that leads me to the biggest problem for this film: the ending. It was as if they were trying to wrap up the film and all it's plot points with a bit of humor, just to slip on the leather jacket, fire up the old speed boat and completely jump the shark. Leaving you to silently wish they'd tripped on the ramp and fell into waiting maw of the shark. Quite often I leave a movie feeling like I had a seen a good movie that just barely missed being great. As if the filmmakers had a fistful of movie making fairy dust that seemed to slip from their tightened fist as the film was wrapping the final scene. As if they had a great idea, but as they were filming a the final sequence some douchebag went out and rented McG's Charlie's Angels and bought shit-ton of tequila and Tace Bell. The resulting hangover (from the film and tequila) and bitter anal drainage (Tace Bell) caused them to add a new "flavor" that just wasn't in line with the rest of the movie. Sure, I was laughing as John broke into the grand wedding at the end riding Ben Kingsley (you have to see it), kills a dozen men and makes a big, over-the-top revelation to another character that felt so wrong (and not in a "wow, that changed the whole movie in an awesome Identity/Sixth Sense kind of way", but more of a "I saw this in that Jean-Claude Van Damme, Cyborg movie when I was 15 and it ROCKED!" kind of way) it pulled me out of the film. Except for the infamous scorpion panty-drop or Hillary writhing on the desk begging for our hero, the way the female characters seem to just switch from their previous roles to hardened bad asses and then to happy intelligent family unit just left me with the same feeling all over again. Meh. Sure, you could watch the film and see that they were trying to make a statement about the state of the world and where we're headed. Great. But in the end I want to be entertained. And the worst way to do that is to make me reminisce about a movie that I feel was beat-for-beat one of John's best films. As much as I would love to expound on the latest John Cusack film and tell everyone I know to run out and see this movie when it hits theaters, but save your money for the sure-fire films like Indiana-Mother-fucking Joooooones or Heath Ledgers almost-final performance in Dark Knight. Save this one for DVD. If you use this, please call me Nero. Just Playing My Mother-Fucking-Fiddle.
