Hey there everyone. Harry here, blind as a bat. I can't find my glasses so I'm squinting like hell at my screen trying to make sense out of these blurry lines of type. Ya know, from the sounds of things, perhaps Disney would have done better to hire the old AICN forum writers to make this movie, cause they knew what they were doing. This is just an advanced review from a test screening though, but.... For me, the problems of adaptation were committed back at the scripting stage. What's with all the sexual innuendoes? This is INSPECTOR GADGET! Sheesh... Well, Here's the Light House Shines....
Go Go Gadget crap fest!" Should be the more fitting mantra
used in
place of Disney's latest promotional ad campaign for the
truly abysmal
and insipid Inspector Gadget. One of the worst cartoon
into film
adaptations to date, especially if you look at in Disney
terms. Even
worse still when you realize that Inspector Gadget was
actually far
more noxious a film than George of the Jungle (If you can
believe
that?)! For unlike the later film, Inspector Gadget was
actually quite
painful to watch. In fact I repeatedly found myself
literally squirming in
my seat during much of this incredibly juvenile and sadly
uninspired film.
In addition to apologizing profusely to my friends
afterwards, most of whom
I practically dragged all the way to Thousand Oaks to see
the film. Just a
mere two months before it's official release date. A huge
mistake on my
part as I know now that I definitely could have waited
until Disney
settled on their final theatrical version, before wasting
a whole hour and
a half of my life on this worthless piece of celluloid
garbage!
For even the plot of the film, which you assume based on
the original
cartoon series could practically write itself, sucks
beyond words can
convey. As one would naturally assume the writers and
director of this
film would (or should) simply build a better foundation on
the original
idea or concept of the much loved cartoon series. Instead
of making up
almost everything from scratch, thus destroying any real
connection
or sense of nostalgia the film had with it's animated
predecessor. A
mistake just about everyone who has ever adapted a famed
TV show or
cartoon series into a live action film has made ( Think
Lost in
Space). Hence Inspector Gadget becomes yet
another unfortunate
casualty of the Hollywood film making process, that not
even the powers
behind this film are immune to. A little something that
Matthew
Broderick's inept security guard character John Brown is
quick to prove,
rather early in the film. When Mr. Brown is fiendishly
blown up by Rupert
Everett's evil billionaire character Stanton something or
other ( I don't
remember Doctor Claw ever having a real name in the
cartoon series?!).
Simply because he attempted to stop Everett's character
from robbing a
local robotics lab run by Brenda Bradford (played nicely
enough by Joely
Fisher of Ellen fame). Where Rupert's character was
successful in
acquiring a recent breakthrough in robotics that allows
for the
intermixing of human and robotics parts in (almost)
perfect
harmony...Essentially the entire plot of the film and the
subsequent
details behind John Brown suddenly becoming the
robotasized Inspector
Gadget, as well as how Rupert Everett became the evil
Doctor Claw (
His hand was crushed in the very same explosion that also
injured
Broderick's lame character, i.e. he gets a claw hand to
replace his
original one).
Thus Doctor Claw and Inspector Gadget are born anew on the
big screen, and
stupid nonsensical mayhem ensues. As the classic battle
between the two
arch rivals continues in anything but classic fashion.
Especially since
Broderick's Inspector Gadget has almost none of the warmth
of charm of the
original cartoon character, which sadly speaks volumes
about the film as a
whole. For it's never a very good sign when a cartoon
character can be
deemed to have more personality or charisma than an actual
living
breathing human being does. Which is similarly true in the
case of Doctor
Claw, who is played well over the top by Rupert. To the
point that it is
just pathetic to behold, since Mr. Everett is a much
better actor than
this and shouldn't have to stoop to such a pedantic role.
Which reminds
me of a lingering negative impression that I kept getting
as I watched
this film. As It's always disheartening when you have to
assume that an
actor or actress only took a role based on the amount of
money that they
were offered. All for subjecting themselves to such a
meaningless and
forgettable role, that is obviously far beneath their
acting range or
abilities. Especially since it is so painfully clear that
both
Everett and Broderick were just going through the motions
with this film,
as they mentally winched their way through each and every
scene and
cheesy spoken word of dialogue. Motivated by nothing more
than the
thought of obtaining that fat paycheck at the end of the
film, that I
sincerely hope they must have gotten for actually agreeing
to work or be
associated with this piece of irredeemable schlock!
For the film Inspector Gadget as well as everything
sadly
associated with this haphazard film has been conspired
and/or inspired by
only one thing, and one thing alone. The quest for the
almighty dollar,
since absolutely nothing about this films reeks of
originality or
even contains evidence of any real creativity. Despite the
updated introduction of the Gadget or Ghettomobile, voiced
by D.L.
Hughley. Which I personally think all of the Disney exec's
behind this
film should burn in hell for! As I know for sure the only
reason why the
ebonics spouting Gadgetmobile is in the film in the first
place, is to
help trick a more ethnically diverse crowd into seeing a
film that would
otherwise be dominated by a mainly white audience ( I know
how you
Disney people work!). Another marketing stunt which
succeeds in
further trivializing the overall look and feel of the
film, that under
such conditions should never really have been made in the
first place.
Since Disney obviously had no intention of ever making
this film the way
it should have made, with an actual heart and soul as it
were. For as the
films stands now, it actually succeeds in destroying so
much of the fond
childhood memories associated with the original series. By
once again
rearranging or altering way more than was necessary about
the
beloved original cartoon into an almost completely
incoherent mess
of lame sub plots, bad special effects and really, really
bad dialogue!
Which you don't want me to get started on, as just the
fact that Brain and
Madcat's fluffly little imposter actually spoke in this
film makes me
sick to no end! Just as the over abundant use of
ridiculous sound
effects and music from just about every single major film
to come out in
the last decade or two did as well ( Specifically Star
wars and Godzilla
among many, many others, too numerous to mention). All
seemingly thrown in
randomly at the last minute, none of which works to actual
the benefit of
the film. Which is what gave me the distinct impression
that Disney is
deftly aware that their film has some majors problems and
are desperately
trying anything and everything in their power to fix it.
Alas from
what the mangled mess we saw displayed on screen, nothing
they can do
short of a complete overhaul is going to resurrect this
film from the bad
cinema canyon is has fallen into. So they might as well
save their money
for more worthwhile projects, like hiring people who can
actually
successfully adapt cartoon series into watchable film
projects! Otherwise
the only truly redeemable thing about this film is going
to be you get to
hear an updated version of the Inspector gadget at the
film's end, and
that's sadly the just of it!
P.S. Awhile back I noticed that quite a few of you had
some objections or
problems with the manner and style in which I wrote more
than a few of my
reviews. Mainly in regards to the large number of spelling
and/or
grammatical errors contained therein, for which I would
like to take the
time to apologize for now. As I really should have
monitored my reviews
more closely than I have in the past before submitting
them, as well as
taken the time to proof read them more thoroughly. Though
truth be told,
all of this is really just a fun hobby for me. Therefor I
really do not
have all that much time to be constantly double checking
each and
everything I write or say, as I do have a life outside of
seeing an
ungodly amount of films ( I do not think any of you
realize how many
films I see or how much time all of this takes, just ask
Harry). As such I
hope that you are all able to keep that in mind the next
time you read a
review of mine that has more than it's fair share of
mistakes, and can
enjoy the essence of the review nonetheless. Either way if
you have any
comments or questions about anything I have just said or
written about,
please feel free to email and someone will get back to you
right way. As
such I hope to hear from you all very soon, take care
Light House
Shines
Sincerely,
Light House
Shines
