The Pony Expressman rode 19 horses to death to bring you this news of THE POSTMAN screening in LA last night. And whether it was all that riding or the film experience itself... well The Pony Expressman ain't too happy. In fact this is what I would call a scathing review. I would say the film severly angered The Pony Expressman. He wishes to seek vengence for the wasted 3 hours of his life. I have to say this is the first review that hasn't used the word "cheese" so far, but.. as you can see by reading it, that's not a good thing. Surely someone out there liked this film? Right? Are you out there? I'd like to see your review. If not... bum bumm bum buuuuummmmmm bum ba bada bum da bummmmm. (Death march hymn)...
Last night I saw "The Postman" at the Warner Brothers studio theater. Before a packed house, Kevin Costner stood up and proudly introduced his "epic yarn", the print "literally still wet", saying he just wished he could see it the way we were seeing it-- "for the first time." The vanity with which he introduced the film pervaded the movie, an embarrassing three hour long exercise in self- indulgence. As with "Waterworld" Costner has shamelessly ripped off of the "The Road Warrior", but in an effort to give his monotonous posing and the trite dialogue more meaning, he's brought along the American flag he abandoned back in "Dances With Wolves". The film's astonishing lack of integrity and finesse is sure to stun Costner fans and critics alike, if not destroy what "Waterworld" has left of his career.
"The Postman" takes place only twenty years in the future, but it seems that the world has already been through an apocalypse and been restored to a lush, picture perfect forestland and somehow, the people have all lost all memory of the most basic principals upon which the pre-apocalyptic society was based. Costner plays a stereotypical wanderer who talks aloud to his only friend, a beloved mule named "Bill". After he finds a mailman uniform and a bag of mail, he easily dupes the people in the local communities into believing he's a representative from a restored U.S. government in order to get food and shelter. They're so thrilled to see him, they at one point break out into a chorus of "America, The Beautiful" led by a little girl played by Costner's real-life daughter. Naturally, he incurs the wrath of a local racist warlord who hates the very idea of the U.S.A. and forces pureblooded white boys to serve in his army or die.
What follows is one scene after the next in which the camera and the supporting cast worship Costner from every angle imaginable with American icons in the background of each shot. The scenery is beautiful, but sadly, it can't drown out the mind-numbing dialogue which Costner himself "customized" from a cliche-ridden script written--astonishingly--by the creators of "Forrest Gump" and "L.A. Confidential". Costner's efforts to justify his self-promotion by triggering our sense of patriotism backfire horribly. There are senseless scenes that ravage the flimsy plot just to make Costner look visually powerful, such as one in which Costner takes a dangerous high-speed mini-gondola ride over a river for no apparent reason. It's as if Costner thinks audiences are no more perceptive than the strangely ignorant masses in the movie, and that we'll worship him for doing nothing more than riding a horse and waving the flag. Instead of becoming the embodiment of all that is good in America, Costner becomes the champion of the self-indulgence, mediocrity and fraud that represent us at our worst. The film is an embarrassment to Costner and the American heritage he so shamelessly tries to exploit. It bored me and insulted my intelligence, but when I walked out I felt sorry for Costner rather than angry--he seems so blissfully out of touch with reality and in love with himself that when the film inevitably bombs, he'll be left in a crippling state of bewilderment and despair. One can only hope that the experience builds some of the character that the movie so sadly lacks.
