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Massawyrm Loathes THE HEARTBREAK KID!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. My asshole is quivering, by bowels are shaky and my stomach is doing somersaults. Which can mean only one thing. Ben Stiller is back in a romantic comedy. But wait! What is this? Is this a faint glimmer of hope? Have the Farrelly's returned on the wings of promises to return to the hard R comedy that made them famous? Nope. They've returned. And they've made promises. But apparently their days are over. They returned to their classic mold, all right - but they lost the magic that made it work. What they churned out this time is generic Ben Stiller ROMCOM number whatever, which just happens to be filled with a more risqué style of dick joke. I'm not going to waste any more time than I already have on this forgettable little turd. This film suffers from one gigantic problem. You hate Stiller. Not because he is Ben Stiller and is doing the same shtick he usually does. You hate him because they won't let you like him. Gone is the fluffy, happier Farrelly Brothers who had begun making comedies with heart like the adorable Fever Pitch, Shallow Hal or even the really funny Stuck On You. They've gone back to making characters you're not supposed to like. And this one is a complete Douche nozzle. It's bad enough that you may not (and I certainly didn't) buy the wife character as crazy. She's actually a pretty cool, quirky chick who's just clearly not Stiller's speed. But you certainly get the idea that they married WAY TOO SOON. And that never quite makes it okay for him to start putting the moves on Michelle Monaghan. Even the Jack Tripper like series of events that prevents Stiller from telling her the truth never robs him of blame. But when he actively begins cheating and lying to his wife, it is then and only then that you realize what a turbo mega douche this guy really is. And from that point he never lets up. Yes. I know. The characters weren't likable in the original either. But that was Written by Neil Simon - not The Farrelly Brothers and a team of three other writers. This is nowhere near the calibre or style of the original. It took the premise and the name. And it really needs to be judged on its own. Comparing it point by point will just make me look mean. Compounding the problem is that while this is definitely a return to the Farrelly's 90's style, they seem to have failed to come to grips with the way comedy has changed in the last ten years. A little something called South Park happened while we all gained access to the internet - and our tolerance for the offensive increased substantially. Now days if you want to be offensive and raunchy, you should probably be trying to say something while you do it. Otherwise you're just telling dick jokes. And that's what this is. And sadly, they're not particularly good ones. In their attempt to recapture their glory days of raunch, the Farrelly's failed to look around and see what kind of raunchy films are selling. Wedding Crashers, 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up. Love them or hate them, they all have one thing in common. Gobs and gobs of heart. This shit is weak. It's Along Came Polly with some bush shots. And no, not of Michelle Monaghan. It is a comedic train wreck that seems lazy from the first shot. There are a few funny moments in here, a sprinkling of jokes that fire on all cylinders, but they are spread too thin to make this anywhere near the laugh a minute comedy it needs to be. Come on, Stiller is playing straight man to his dad Jerry Stiller and Carlos Fucking Mencia. How funny do you really expect this to be? Well, as it turns out, it is about as funny as it has any right to be. Throw another heaping disaster on the remake pile. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
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