Alrighty all you church goers.... BEWARE, if you are uptight about words that describe these body parts, do not read further: bunghole, clefted peaches, the fleshy nightstick, the little man in the boat, and titties. Or if the following acts of carnal pleasures mere mention sends you into a rug ripping tirade... shooting the chute, pumping for oil, gargling the tissue bus, parting the mountains or squeezing out the albino mustard... well then... you might not want to read about SEX: The ANNABEL CHONG STORY as covered by our resident smut peddler.... Tom Joad!
Tom Joad on…
SEX: The Annabel Chong Story.
I’ve worked in video stores for years. But a lot of things are illegal in Oklahoma. Tattoos, 6.0 alcohol, and porn are the taboos of the land. Now that I’m in Texas, my place of business rents both the Hollywood productions, and the ones from Sin City and the Nasty Brothers. Now before I worked there, I didn’t think this would be a problem, I simply loved movies. I wasn’t a big fan of porn, but how many people actually rent porn? One helluva motherfuckin’ lot, let me tell you. After four straight hours of work on my first day, I was actually given a break from the likes of GRANNY TAKES A SQUIRT, SWEET BLACK CHERRIES, and WHITE TRASH WHORE #10, when someone actually rents something from the front of the house instead of the XXX room. I reach for the box, smiling at the first normal person of the day, only to see him holding out a PLAYBOY: CHEERLEADERS toward me. AAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my hell.
My job scares me now. Osmosis exists. I’m absorbing pornography. The other day a guy asked me where the Chasey Lain movies were. I was reading my VIDEO WATCHDOG and didn’t want to be bothered. I mean, hey, I’m an underpaid smut peddler for Chrissakes, I can be bitter! Nonchalantly, I told him that most of her films are in the W’s, but we just got in Chasin’ Pink, which should be on the wall to his left when he entered. I froze in horror as he gleefully entered our room containing over nine thousand XXX boxes. I knew who Chasey Lain was. Without even looking up from my sentence, I new both who she was, and where most of her movies her. I felt ill. A week or so later a guy rented Big-Ass She-Male Adventure part 2 (which is a popular title, despite the abundance of adam’s apples and scrotums… and I walked right to it (in the back amidst 15,000 movies) without even thinking… Yup that’s two strikes. One more and I’ll have to go and push videos somewhere else…
I have heard many things about Annabel Chong. You see, she went from unknown amateur to worldwide star when she had sex with 251 guys in ten hours in the World’s Biggest Gangbang , a video which is constantly being rented. This documentary, Sex: The Annabel Chong Story, chronicles her life, including much of the behind the scenes and actual footage from the World’s Biggest Gangbang. Knowing this beforehand, I decided to pop the tape in at work. Curiosity killed the cat, all right… I should have known better. The opening credits had various shots of her being anally pounded and rained upon by many, many men. The video was in the sixth minute of it’s two hour and twenty minute running time when I saw a scene that impulsively made me hit the eject button. I can’t go into it here, because poor Harry would suffer a coronary from all the angry talkbacks. But I will say that it’s the most degrading and hateful porn scene I’ve watched that didn’t come from our FETISH section (whew, they’re BAD!). So it was decided then and there that I had no interest in this woman or her life. I had already been exposed to six minutes of it and that was six minutes too much.
But of course the buzz was good and there were supposedly a couple of pretty incredible scenes of voyeurism, so Annette, Cora and I headed to the Dobie to watch the atrocity that was Annabel Chong covered in semen.
This was a very interesting experience. First of all, I had seen Annabel at various screenings throughout the week and she failed to impress me on a physical level. I could only see her covered in about two dozen different loads spunk talking to Ron Jeremy about how liberating an experience this was for her. Whew! Since I’ve seen the film, I still picture her covered with love glue when I hear her name, but in person she was very intelligent and personable. The exact opposite of herself in the film. Onscreen, she was strung out. Way out. She would sit, cutting the undersides of her forearms with a knife to, “let the pain out.” Jesusgod, whatever. The film even said that this was a first time occurrence as we watched her cutting over and around old scar tissue that shared a striking resemblance to the wounds she was making.
The movie to watch if you want to dissuade people from going into porn, I guess, because it sure isn’t a glamorous business. I think more porn stars overdose than street trash. Nothing like a trend. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with porn, or else I wouldn’t work where I do. But when dude after dude after dude after dude rents sixteen hours of porn to be watched in four days, I mean Jesus, it’s all the same: a little oral, and little reciprocation, a little missionary, a little doggie which becomes a little anal which culminates with the moneyshot facial ejaculation. Oh boy. For sixteen hours. We should sell medicated lotion for a discount to these human scabs…
The film is full-on though, when Annabel travels home to tell her unknowing mother (who is soooo proud of her daughter for going to school and making her living in America) that she had sex with 251 guys and that she’s in pornography to discover that her mother already knew and was crushed by it. The tears flow. The director, Gough Lewis, had the decency to film Annabel’s mother from behind, in order to respect her a little bit by not showing her sobbing and pouring of tears. Annabel promised to vindicate her mother and to restore her pride. So she goes back to America and goes back to school and makes more pornos. She’s still making pornos. God bless her.
The Q&A is when she really redeemed herself. For what it’s worth, she’s apparently undergone a lot of therapy because unlike in the film, in person she actually sounds sane. Not that this was actually asked or anything. We had the fantastically intelligent questions like, “Are you mad that Jasmine St. Clair broke your record the next year?” and “If I was going to buy one Annabel Chong video, what would it be?” If you are really that curious, the answers were: “No, and she only did it with 302 guys, it’s been broken most recently by Mikie Ramone, who proudly did 620 guys in I believe 6 hours,” and, “Pink Stilettos. It’s a really fun movie, I get to wear a Nixon mask and fuck a girl with his nose…” Suffice to say I’ve blocked out the rest. If you’ve ANY interest in porn, and I know from the number of people dressed in their Sunday best coming in right before church that there are a lot of us, this will be of some interest. You get a good look inside the pornography industry and you’ll be surprised how little money is actually made by anybody except the producers and those directors who benefit from the back-end. Go see it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…
