I am – Hercules!!
“Weeds,” the best sitcom on pay-cable, is back in fine form tonight. A 3.1 mini-FAQ: All the promos depict Matthew Modine as the man shaking up Agrestic, Calif., this season. Does the third season pick up long after Nancy Botwin’s showdown with the thugs who want her cannibus? No. The season opening actually starts a few minutes or so prior the end of season two, with characters we’ve not met before. And Nancy’s predicament remains far from resolved this week. Matthew Modine doesn’t rescue her? Modine does not rescue her and in fact doesn’t turn up until episode four. What about the Olsen twin? My filmmaker pal Eli Roth will be sad to learn no Olsen twin is employed in the first four episodes Showtime sent along for review. Mary Kate will turn up later in the season’s 10-episode run as a Jesus-happy teen pothead. Last we saw Strange Shane Botwin, he had ditched his age-appropriate girlfriend to hitch a ride out of Agrestic with crazy sexy Zooey Deschanel. Is Zooey back? Zooey, still hilarious, has a 140-second cameo but she’s gone after tonight’s installment. Wait a minute. Herc’s seen the first four episodes? We demand mammoth invisotexted spoilage! As the first four episodes have already been all over the bittorrests for weeks (beware spoilers in talkback, kids), I can little fathom the harm. * Celia Hodes, perhaps the only citizen of Agrestic still unaware of what Nancy does for a living, remains in the dark not much longer. * In 3.2, we learn something most unexpected about Sanjay, the lad who’s been in love with Nancy for the prior two seasons. * Doug Wilson gets back his government job. * Andy Botwin will discover the Army wants him despite his low toe count. * Nancy will come to work for Modine’s character. * Shoshannah Stern remains in Jericho. * Celia’s older teen daughter will continue to remain as invisible and unreferenced as Richie Cunningham’s big bro. Any Mary Louise Parker nudity in those first four episodes? Sadly, no, though at the end of 3.2 she does cavort outdoors in bra and panties. So be sure to tune in next week. Anybody famous sing the ticky-tacky song tonight? On my screener, it sounds like Randy Newman! 10 p.m. Monday. Showtime.

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