What Happened To Joe Hallenbeck!
Published at: April 1, 1999, 1:25 p.m. CST by staff
I've received a good many emails, and seen this question posted on a few TALK BACKS, and I figured I'd give y'all a peek into what Joe Hallenbeck has been up to.
About 6 months ago I was in Los Angeles on one of my typical spy conferences with Houdini, Hallenbeck, Goldfinger, Moriarty, Flunky SideKick, John Robie, etc... The topic was... How are we going to get someone in to review.... STAR WARS EPISODE ONE.
Joe was specifically adamant that he be the one to first review it. He and Moriarty got in a bit of a brawl resulting in inflamed gonads all around, but before he left.... He said, "This isn't the last of Hallenbeck you'll see!"
About 7 weeks ago I received a plain white envelop with a normal non-geeky stamp with a San Francisco postal code on it. Curious, I opened the letter and inside was a letter that stank of Hallenbeck. It had stains that crime labs would marvel at. The letter informed me that Joe was no longer living in Los Angeles (temporarily) but that he decided to undertake the "GREATEST MISSION OF THEM ALL!!!" He is on the hunt to see and review STAR WARS EPISODE ONE.
Apparently he has some sort of position of non-import at Skywalker Ranch. Apparently he is convinced that he will watch this film before any of our other regular spies. He begged for forgiveness at the fact that he wasn't going to be covering the great amount of 'Shitfests' that Hollywood was going to be 'Spewing' at us. But... a higher calling was trumpeting his true inner wino.
He's seen some, but not the entire film. He reported to me that about 2 weeks ago there was a second screening of the movie for a large contingent of Lucas' friends that was of a print containing John Williams' score. He claims that Brian DePalma, Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Matthew Robbins, Steven Spielberg and a few others were there. But... he couldn't attend as he was forced to do something... I'm not allowed to mention.
So, true readers, know that Hallenbeck is out of the loop temporarily, but he's big game hunting at the moment. Take care and rest easy... The bastard is on the case....
