I am – Hercules!!
Not many are watching Fox’s filmmaking competition “On The Lot,” but those who are watching are voting admirably. More admirably, I’d gauge, than the show's judges and the contestants. Last week viewers kicked out “resident cutie” Trevor James, whose ham-handed blind-date short severely tested everyone's patience. Here’s how I rank last week’s (generally much better) crop. 1) “So. I think we should talk about slipstream.” David May’s “Love At First Shot,” about the tardy cupid, demonstrated sharp comic sensibilities and gets big points for its authentically nerdy dialogue discourse on warp drive vs. transwarp. The Jack Bauer-ish take on cupid was a great idea too. 2) Shira-Lee Shalit’s “Beeline” suffered from a shaky premise and terrible lapses in execution and logic, but there was something inspired about a slutty mom revealing the depths of her post-split horniness by racing around town in a giant down coat. 3) Andrew Hunt’s “Polished”, about the maintenance man who used his floor-waxer as a instrument of vengeance, was a bit of a botch. It would have been funnier if he baited his victims with something more valuable and alluring than free hamburgers, and the mad rush may have made more sense if he announced the giveaway on a public-address system instead of via flyers. The fade in on the huge pile of victims was pretty funny though, so give the guy points for a solid visual punchline. 4) Marty Martin caught a lot of undeserved shit and bad advice from the judges a few weeks ago because his snazzy earlier effort was a mock-trailer. His follow-up, the handsome but narratively famished “Dance With The Devil,”, was about a guy whose criminal past claims his love, and induced a lot of shrugging. 5) Kenny Luby’s “Edge on The End” was about a guy who, apparently reeling from a death of a loved one, wanders drunkenly in the snow as a lot of bad rock music plays. It was so plainly awful Carrie Fisher had to blunt her complete lack of enthusiasm by complimenting Luby on his looks. Luby, a veritable filmmaking Sanjaya, also made the incomprehensible short about the laughing cabdriver. This guy has got to go go gooooooooo. Tonight heralds the return of frozen-coathanger guy. 8 p.m. Tuesday. Fox.

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