I am – Hercules!!
“Veronica Mars,” “Studio 60” and “Drive” are gone for good! How are we to fill the pitiless network void in our lives? Here are the 10 new broadcast shows I’m most excited about, sight unseen, in these innocent days before the pilots begin turning up in the mailbox. 1. Pushing Daisies When Does It Air? 8 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC. Opposite sitcoms “Back To You” and “’Til Death” and three reality shows – “Deal or No Deal,” “America’s Next Top Model” and “Kid Nation.” What’s It About? A pie-maker who can resurrect dead people for a minute finds his ability useful to frustrated homicide investigators. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? I’ve read the pilot and it is hilarious. It was created and is overseen by Bryan Fuller, who wrote the best episodes of “Heroes’” first season. He also created “Dead Like Me” and “Wonderfalls.” Dude’s a genius. What Could Go Wrong? “Deal or No Deal” is a very popular show. 2. The Return of Jezebel James When Does It Air? Midseason on Fox. What’s It About? A hard-charging career woman with reproductive issues (Parker Posey) recruits her estranged younger sister (Lauren Ambrose) to birth her a kid. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? It was created and is overseen by Amy Sherman-Palladino, who masterminded all (but the shitty final season) of “Gilmore Girls.” What Could Go Wrong? It’s only a half-hour, which is not the most viable kind of daypart this century. Fox could potentially pair it with manatee-friendly projects like “Family Guy” or “American Dad.” 3. The Bionic Woman When Does It Air? 9 p.m. Wednesday on NBC, opposite “Gossip Girl,” “Private Practice,” “Criminal Minds” and “Bones.” What’s It About? A hot bartender gets a robot arm, eye, ear and legs following a grisly vehicular mishap. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? Fembots!! Plus? NBC just hired writer-producer Jason Smilovic, who oversaw two of my favorite shows - “Karen Sisco” and “Kidnapped” – as showrunner. What Could Go Wrong? “Private Practice” will crush it. 4. Chuck When Does It Air? 9 p.m. Tuesdays on NBC, opposite “House,” “The Unit,” “Dancing With The Stars” and “Reaper.” What’s It About? A twentysomething computer geek at the Buy More finds himself enlisted by the government as a top secret agent. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? It’s the first series since “The OC” created by Josh Schwartz. What Could Go Wrong? It’s not a reality show and “Dancing With The Stars” is alarmingly popular. 5. Gossip Girl When Does It Air? 9 p.m. Wednesdays on The CW. What’s It About? Rich teens in Manhattan. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? It’s another show from writer-producer Josh Schwartz, who created a really entertaining show about rich teens called “The O.C.” What Could Go Wrong? “Private Practice” will crush it. 6. The Sarah Connor Chronicles When Does It Air? Midseason on Fox What’s It About? The terminator of terminators, between “Terminator 2” and “Terminator 3.” Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? Its showrunner is Josh Friedman, who scripted Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds.” Summer Glau plays the prettiest T-800 (T-801?) ever! What Could Go Wrong? Liquid-metal robots and Arnold Schwarzenegger are too expensive for TV. (Though it’d be cool if they could lure the governor with a guest appearance, a la “Pimp My Ride.”) Friedman also scripted “The Black Dahlia” (11% fresh on the Tomatometer). It’s been a while since Fox demonstrated any patience with scifi. 7. Cavemen When Does It Air? 8 p.m. Tuesday on ABC, opposite “The Biggest Loser,” “Beauty and the Geek,” “NCIS” and “New Amsterdam.” What’s It About? Unfrozen neanderthals find themselves confused and frightened by a modern world too quick to judge them. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? It’s made by the same guys who made the Geico Cavemen commercials, which I find hilarious. What Could Go Wrong? Sitcom versus reality show equals low-rated sitcom. 8. Reaper When Does It Air? 9 p.m. Tuesday on The CW, opposite “Chuck,” “House,” “The Unit” and “Dancing With The Stars.” What’s It About? On his 21st birthday, a slacker discovers his parents sold him to Satan to act as a hunter of Hell’s escapees. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? That’s a pretty cool concept, plus its creators – Michele Fazekas & Tara Butters – are veterans of “Ed.” What Could Go Wrong? NBC’s sci-fi secret agent show, “Chuck,” is after its audience. 9. Swingtown When Does It Air? Midseason on CBS. What’s It About? It sounds like “Ice Storm: The Series,” with wife-swapping and pill-popping in the screwed-up 1970s Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? CBS doesn’t air enough shows about wife-swapping, and it’s from Mike Kelley, another “OC” vet,. What Could Go Wrong? CBS will want to replace it with “CSI: Miami” repeats before it airs its second episode. 10. Miss/Guided When Does It Air? Midseason on ABC. What’s It About? A high-school guidance counselor takes a job at her alma mater. Why Is Stupid Herc So Excited? It stars Judy Greer (“Arrested Development,” “Love Monkey”), the most fabulous girl on Earth. Its creator, Caroline Williams, is an “Office” vet. What Could Go Wrong? Sitcoms are a dying breed; somebody might think about turning this into an hourlong by letting it serve as its own lead-in.
The autumn schedule:

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