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Review

Harry reviews QT's EURO SEX COMEDY tribute to the Original Alamo Drafthouse!

Hey folks, Harry here… Tonight something sad began to happen to me. As I watched Tim introduce Quentin to the stage of the Original Alamo Drafthouse – it hit me, I’m only ever going to see this happen, one more time. For many in the room, they’ll see it, twice more. Me, I’m off to Romania on Saturday – and I don’t get to attend the SWINGING NIGHT on Mother’s Day, perchance. When Tim League hit the stage tonight, he felt it to, he said, “This is the first time I’m feeling the end of this space.” – and at that moment – I felt an energy of loss in the room from the audience. You could just sense it. Tim then changed gears towards talking about the fact that these 3 nights with Quentin are not just a tribute to Quentin’s own QT-fests – but also to the spirit of the Weird Wednesday and Terror Thursday programs that have existed for well over a half decade. Tim called those years a Golden Age of Cinema exhibition, one he hopes to continue. Then Mr League stressed the importance of attending the triple feature in its entirety. To really enjoy the experience of these very rare prints with a perfect host and audience. Well… technically – that’s a lie. Tim didn’t say that. Tim said that if you got an emergency message from your mother that she laid upon her deathbed, fuck that, she wouldn’t screw up your evening… but IF that were to happen and you were to have the fucked up priorities to leave, well, you’re a fucking pussy. Then Tim told us what the final night of the Alamo Drafthouse – the original would be. The first event would be a classy multicourse feast to the film, THE BIG NIGHT, this would be followed by a screening of EARTHQUAKE in Sensurround – supported by an additional 50,000 watts of sub woofers – to shake the very pillars of heaven and hell. Then… for the very last film to grace this legendary screen… It will be a film that I first saw at WEIRD WEDNESDAY… a film called NIGHT WARNING. I then programmed it to play BUTT-NUMB-A-THON with Bo Svenson attending that screening. Well – for this very last screening at the original Drafthouse, Tim is bringing in Susan Tyrell – who, in NIGHT WARNING gives the very most fucked up disturbing sphincter revolting cult nightmare performance off all fucking time. She’s ICK like swallowing raw rancid washed up whale blubber on 110 degree beach in August. And if you’ve never seen the film… and you can be there for that last screening. Pony up bitch, the film will fucking own you. With that, Tim brought up Quentin Tarantino – and Quentin said, “NIGHT WARNING as the last film, that’s some perverse shit!” Then he paused, looked out at the audience with a Shiner in one hand and the microphone in the other and in a tone, I’ve never heard from Quentin, he said, “I kinda can’t deal with the fact this place is closing soon. So let’s just forget that shit for now and enjoy the night.” The night’s theme was EURO-SEX COMEDIES. And for the night, Quentin said he’d have better luck mentioning the Euro-hotties not in these films, because the list of those in these films is simply too many to name. He then ran through: Elke Sommers is not onscreen tonight. Senta Berger is not onscreen tonight. Ursula Andress is not onscreen tonight. Around that point my notes left off – and began with the fact we had Raquel Welch, Barbara Bouchet, Jeanne Moreau, Marisa Berenson, Marisa Mell, Britt Ekland, Edwige Fenech, Sydne Rome, Michele Mercier, Elsa Martinelli and that was off the top of his fucking head. Crazy. He then teased us… that if we stayed all the way through the evening, that in the second Sex Comedy Vignette film tonight (meaning film made up of many thematically aligned short films) That contained within THE WORLD’S OLDEST PROFESSION – there would be a future film, showing how prostitution in the future would be like, and it was created by Jean Luc Goddard and called… simply… ANTICIPATION. I know I was teased. Then Quentin began the proper introduction for SEX ON THE RUN aka CASANOVA AND COMPANY (title you can find the DVD under) aka SOME PLAY IT COOL… play on Tony Curtis’ own SOME LIKE IT HOT. Then Quentin did a call out to me, which he wasn’t intending he let us know, but when I wrote up the QT4 Sex Night coverage, where he first played this film for us, I had apparently written something that stuck with Quentin as a funny kinda way of describing and getting people ready to see the film. Quentin said, “Harry noted that this film came during a low ebb in Tony Curtis’ film career, but having said that, we should all be so fucking lucky to have such a low point.” Then he quoted Woody Allen as saying if he could be reborn as anything, it’d be Warren Beatty’s Fingertips. He also noted that SEX ON THE RUN contained his second favorite lesbian scene in film history. His first fave is in AMUCK between Barbara Bouchet and Rosalba Neri. Note for those of you out there that don’t know… These are not hardcore Lesbian scenes with Christmas ornament dildos and butt-to-butt pogo fucks, this is the world of EROTIC film – that teases you and sets up a very good evening between you and your lady. That said, his third fave is in BLOOD SPATTERED BRIDE – which does indeed rock. My groomsman, Johnny Wad gave me an autographed by Barbara Bouchet and Rosalba Neri dvd of AMUCK… thus, the Wad rules… cuz I’ve seen Quentin’s fave Lesbian scene – and I agree that it’s a mighty awesome Lesbian scene. Having said all that – this took us into the first feature of the night. I didn’t take note of the trailers that played this night, sorry, but we went into SEX ON THE RUN. Before attending this evening, I couldn’t remember if I’d seen any of the films tonight, but yes, I’ve seen and reviewed SEX ON THE RUN. That said, this was a different experience, mainly because I was seeing it with Yoko – and this is the exact reason to see sixties and seventies EuroSex comedies. To have a beautiful woman that you’re dedicated to… watch a film like this with… well, she was giggling in that naughty giggle way, that gals do that let’s you know… YUM, you know? These sort of films are quasi-European cousins to the Russ Meyer films in many ways. Tony Curtis isn’t the young vital version of himself, the man that landed Janet Leigh. Rather this is an older man that isn’t as “tight” as he once was, but ya know… there isn’t a single chiseled beach bod in the whole affair. And throughout the night, it tends to be goofy, quirky guys getting in the sack with gorgeous Euro-tarts. And in this film, watching Tony Curtis work… well, you’ve never seen a man so glad to be working. I’d love to bring Tony Curtis to Austin sometime for a series of his films – and on the first night, I’d show this and Spartacus --- and then ask him, which he had more fond or fun memories making. There’s no doubt, he’d be prouder of SPARTACUS, but I doubt there was ever a more fun movie to make, than Tony Curtis in SEX ON THE RUN. The sheer beauty of these hotties… throughout this evening had even my blushing fiancée commenting on how gorgeous they were. And there’s nothing more awesome than the girl you’ll be calling wife soon, telling you how gorgeous someone like Jeannie Bell or Britt Edland is. She definitely gets it! feature #2 Quentin hits the stage with, “Is tony curtis the man or is tony curtis the man? The day my career goes in the toilet, that’s the toilet I want to go in!” Quentin also mentioned that SEX WITH A SMILE was our next film. And one, directed by the hand and eye of Sergio Martino, which many of us know from his thrillers like TORSO, but is possibly more well known for his sex comedies like this. Quentin then mentioned that the theme for this film, made of many smaller films, was REALLY SEXY EUROPEAN ACTRESSES and FUNNY ITALIAN COMEDIANS… like Tomas Milian and Marty Feldman. He told a story about how Barbara Bouchet said that everytime she worked with Sergio Martino he always placed oversized eyeglasses on her, to fulfill a fetish of his. I can see that. She looks damn sexy in them. Then, Edwige Fenech was apparently the Producer’s mistress, but then she has a sex scene with the producer’s brother… and when Quentin and Eli Roth were watching this film, they said to one another, “Now this guy knows how to live, man!” The most important thing about the film according to Quentin was… that it is just fucking funny and the damn girls are hot. And the babes and the laughs never ever let up. And having seen the film now, I have to say… A-MEN! During the first segment, which featured a very bizarre looking Tomas Milian – and Edwige Fenech… after about a minute on screen, Yoko whispers… “She’s gorgeous.” And the comedy was funny and the scenes were hot. The telephone exchange of fantasies, they’re funny fantasies, yet honest enough to be hot… which isn’t hard with Edwige making Jolie look like SNL’s PAT. She’s not only hot, but her pilot light is lit and she’s raging to go. She’s in heat and that’s communicated in a thousand unspoken invisible pheromones that she ignited in both males and females. The second segment… featured Marty Feldman… and it’s fucking genius. There was a very lovely and hot Dayle Haddon in the segment… but Feldman’s BUSTER KEATON-esque bodyguarding, but with that beautifully insane, funny gaze of a crazed determined clown… He can make you laugh, static. Just his walk. His movements, his body language was so precisely hilarious that it was quite stunning. This segment is absolute genius. Absolute Genius. And it literally cockblocked the impact of everything I saw for the rest of the night, save Racquel Welch and Goddard… but more on that later. The segment is simply a BODYGUARD story. But you’ve never seen any bodyguard like this. Fuck Costner, this is who you want. The last film of the evening was THE OLDEST PROFESSION. Quentin hit the stage a final time – and told us this film was about prostitution throughout the ages… with each segment being directed by a different director, but the only ones he could remember off the top of his head was Jean-Luc Godard and Philippe de Broca. The other directors were Claude Autant-Lara, Mauro Bolognini, Franco Indovina and Michael Pfleghar. The film features a caveman era sequence, the period of the French revolution, the 1890s “Gay Nineties,” Modern Paris and the future. Quentin left us with the knowledge that the Godard one is fantastic, but when you watch the film, it’ll take a while to figure out what the fuck is going on… not only that, but that for a while on that segment, you’ll feel you’re watching the worst actor ever, that “this guy sucks” but then you’ll go, “oh, that’s why he sucks, Ok!” He then gave the caveat that you might not like it, not everyone likes Godard. Then Quentin left the stage for the final time this Thursday night. It’s not 6:30am. My brain is getting tired, but I’ll power through this. Why hit this so quick, so intensely? Well… Because someone should. Over my association with Quentin and his screenings, I’ve passed on these titles, his intros – and have in turn allowed many of you to live through my tales of the QT fests. These films… All of them play not as trash cinema. It isn’t the scratches or the color fade, it’s that they are really good films. Not just that, but films that honestly don’t have compare today. Take Raquel Welch’s segment. There’s a playful sexual suggestion between a young beautiful woman and an older rotund banker that’s genuinely hot. No, her tits don’t come out of their corset for us to gander at, but the way she looks at this man, you know HE’S GONNA GET TO PLAY WITH EM! And you can see how DELIGHTED he is by that. Of the 3 films of the night, this was the most chaste, in terms of bodies on display… But the sexual energy of the night was palpable. It was engaging in a titillating manner that films in this day and age just can’t seem to capture. In the modern day, people make sex about intensity, not about the playfulness of sex. Watching this night of sex comedies, there was more realness to the sex, the interaction between couples – than in any of the films we see made today. Sex is fun. Isn’t it? It’s grown up play time. It has it’s intense emotional dramatic genres of sex time, but more often than not in my experience, it’s about the playing of fantasies, laughing, joking, giggling… And none of that is really present in modern film… be it X-rated or PG-13 or anywhere else on the map. The final segment by GODARD was stylistically the most divergent of the night. The filtered reality was striking. The Prostitution of the mind and the body was very sad, yet fun. It is WEIRD, but good weird. It is Artsy Fartsy, but you know how sometimes farts smell good, this is one of them. With that – I show how tired my brain is to hit metaphors. So I leave you. Good Morning, Planet Earth!

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