Let's see how mature the TALK BACK on this post is going to be. Personally I hate posting the title for this article the way I did... Ultimately these are just 5 movies. Sure they have Gay films, but that's kinda like referring to WAITING TO EXHALE as a 'black movie'. To me it's all film. Last year one of my absolute favorite films was labeled a 'gay film', GODS AND MONSTERS, but for me there were many themes at play there and the gay storyline was just one of them. Here is a warning though... If you are intolerant and feel the need to 'strike out' in Talk Back raging about how this isn't what you want to read... and then begin using all types of slurs... YOU WILL BE BANNED. The title should have told you what was here... So live with it. And for those people out there that laugh like hell when you hear about purple triangled topped Teletubbies... well you might find some damn good films in this lot. Enjoy...
Hey Harry - here's my take on 5 films being released over the next few months. They all got gay themes or subplots so I hope you're not homophobic dude, cuz I just overdosed on caffeine and I'm on the flame.
Here's the cool scoop:
THE GAY INVASION IS CUMMING. The master plan has worked - Breeders Beware! Any day Ellen DeGeneres will sound the final trumpet and ride Anne Heche to victory for the homo front. Hope y’all like sodomy and eternal brunch. But first we will be sneaking our homosexual propaganda into your theaters in a matter of weeks - pink journalism and limp-wristed, bow-legged filmic snuff designated to brainwash your children who will soon turn against you as you sleep comfortably in your status quo sloth. You might have caught Tinky Winky, some of you even successfully fingered BATMAN AND ROBIN. But what about SEINFELD, GARFIELD, GILLIGAN, BUGS BUNNY, Jean Claude Van Damme movies, REN AND STIMPY, the obvious homo-erotica of FRIENDS… We Are Everywhere. And I know you’ve heard of ‘Big Brother’. Here’s the dirt on our pre-Millenium blitz. I’m telling you this because I like you. I really like you. In that special way.
RELAX… IT’S JUST SEX - opening this March in NY & LA (maybe nationally later if received well). This is the best of the bunch - a hilarious film about sex and friendship with an amazing ensemble of 10 talented actors including Jennifer Tilly (BOUND), Lori Petty (TANK GIRL), Mitchell Anderson (PARTY OF FIVE), TC Booker (LIVING SINGLE). Hilarious writing and a floating narrative akin to THE THIN RED LINE but with gossiping Angelenos instead, this film features a spastic group of gays, lesbians, straights and bis in bed and at dinner parties, like a gay 90’s THE BIG CHILL. Bad trailer though - doesn’t really communicate the heart of this flick which really comes closest than any film I’ve seen to capturing the buzz of a good friendship tribe.
EDGE OF SEVENTEEN - opening mid-May in NY & LA and nationally in June. Another coming of age story set in 1984, this film starts out kind of silly with a closeted guy and his best girlfriend getting jobs at a fast food restaurant. It’s one thing to be in junior high and spray whip cream up your nose and giggle deliriously in a laughing fit with your best friend - I well remember thinking my own geeky moments at that stage would be so great if captured in a film - but actually witnessing such behaviour is just fucking annoying. But as the lead struggles with his sexuality by dressing more and more in a laughable New Wave 80’s Nightmare, the story and characters kick into gear midway through and become phenomenally engaging. Excellent cast for the most part, particularly the best friend Maggie played by Tina Holmes - a young actress who will instantly remind you of Meryl Streep in looks and caliber of talent, and Stephanie McVay as one of the best screen moms committed to film. Both the parents are so familiar and realistically drawn they really tug at one’s own nostalgic memories of growing up. This is the kind of film that when it’s over my sister and I with our friends spent 2 hours relaying personal anecdotes to each other and laughing ‘bout our past. Really charming - soundtrack by Tom Bailey of The Thompson Twins.
DANCEMAKER - opening in March. Oscar-nominated for best documentary, this flick probes Paul Taylor and company. Of all the fine arts, Dance is probably the most neglected these days - onstage and in film, so this work is successful just on the basis of its rarity. But the content is constantly interesting - the dancers are so insecure and choreographer/taskmaster Taylor is so enigmatic that much of the drama uncovered regards a unique take on employer/employee relations. And Taylor is so obsessive about Martha Graham it’s hilarious. The dance excerpts are fierce, but towards the end some pieces are way too extended and while his experimental modern dance pieces are so exciting and provocative - some of the more classical ballet works are boring and trite as hell unless you’re hot for dry technique or passionless hetero romanticism by mostly obviously queer participants. Even some of the male to male couplings in these instances are just like a dry hump on heroin.
GET REAL - opening in NY & LA April 30th and nationally in May. Yet another coming-of-age tale set in Basingtoke, England - a very Americanized suburb. This one features an excellent debut by Ben Silverstone as closeted yet still slutty Steven who has a crush on the closeted school jock. Many of Silverstone’s scenes are emotionally fulfilling and subtly fantastic - hopefully his star will continue to rise - but there’s just too many cliches in the telling of the story and the jock has some really, really melodramatic speeches to deliver. One in particular had me laughing in its earnest solemnity - it was like a Mad TV parody - "…and then I - I cried… I was so alone… so very alone…" And it’s the longest long shot. Steve’s best friend is of course a slightly overweight fag hag who tries to dress like Muriel from MURIEL’S WEDDING. She looks like a barbie doll some older brother destroyed with Magic Markers. Not believable for a second - completely forced, though the actress does try her best to play it down. Many of these coming-out/of-age stories stem from a director’s own autobiography and in some cases, LIKE HERE, it’s so subjective there’s no perspective. A good film, it just should have been great.
SPARKLER - opening in LA March 19, then nationally to select cities. This film just sucks. Darren Stein’s first feature before JAWBREAKER is just now being released, and it’s a vain attempt. Now I really liked JAWBREAKER - I thought it offered many really memorable visually thrilling moments in spite of the unsatisfying storyline. But all the worst elements of that box-office and critically lambasted disappointment are more than evident here. Overacting, trite plots, painfully insubstantial script, and worst of all supposedly raunchy strip joints called "The Crack" where the girls wear poofy skirts like early Madonna and/or biking shorts - I mean has this guy ever actually seen a stripper? You know, I’m a fag but even I hate to see a production go pussy on the T&A when its obviously called for. Park Overall from EMPTY NEST plays Melba May, a white trash Punky Brewster who says things like "I’m going to Las Vegas where I’m going to be a star!" ugh. She’s nicknamed SPARKLER cuz of her get-ups by 3 dudes breezing through Victorville, CA on their way to Vegas. Now I’ve spent time in Victorville, it’s not all tacky trailer parks and haunted loser dives. The depiction of small town mentality as utterly inept and sophomoric is utterly inept and sophomoric. The 3 dudes who will soon join Sparkler’s lame fray are naïve Jamie Kennedy, lothario Freddie Prinze, Jr. and average-Joe Steven Petrarca - one of them’s gay, bet you’ll never guess which one. Sadly it’s the closest any of them come to any sort of personality.
Fuck that’s a lotta ammo for the impending marginalization of heterosexual traditionalism. And I didn’t even get to…
TRICK - opening July 23rd starring a couple gay boys looking for a spare bed in Manhattan for a quickie with Tori Spelling as a high-maintenance fag hag.Not a quickie WITH her, but… eh figure it out yourself or blow. I’m outta spy-time - Judge Judy’s on (drag queen) and then I gotta watch THE SIMPSON’S (gay).
GO - opening March with a subplot featuring Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr as gay soap stars.
…and there’s more. But I have to go corrupt my fellow man now…
Later Days, gays.
TOMMY TERROR
