I am – Hercules!!
And I am not a big fan of the soaps! Never could be bothered with “Dallas” or “Dynasty.” Bored to tears by “Desperate Housewives.” Ditto “90210.” “Melrose Place” corralled into its cast some of the most beautiful women ever birthed, but the words – the words coming out of the hot girls’ mouths were so stale and clichéd and idiotic I could not stand to watch more than five minutes at a time.

But “The OC,” which airs its final episode tonight? I loved. Loved from day one, when Luke slugged Ryan Atwood and called him “bitch.” Never stopped loving it through four relentlessly disparaged seasons. For me, there was never an episode devoid of entertainment value. And some episodes sent me into bawling fits, so strongly did I come to identify with these characters and their romantic travails. Series mastermind Josh Schwartz is one talented dude. He has two pilots in the hopper for next autumn and I hope they both get picked up.

Chief among “The OC's” thespianic virtues we hail Adam Brody as indie-loving comic-book ubernerd Seth Cohen. Seth was always way more “Freaks & Geeks” than “One Tree Hill,” and Brody can get laughs out of the phone book. And I came to love the haughty object of his affection, Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson), just as aggressively.

And yes, I came to love the grown-ups: Seth’s parents, the big-hearted Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, and scheming neighbors Jimmy and Julie Cooper. And I came to love a litany of characters who paraded in and out of the Cohens’ lives. Summer and Fightin’ Ryan first and foremost, but also Anna Stern, Luke Ward, Theresa Diaz, Hayley Nichol, lesbianic Alex Kelly, Lindsay Gardner, Taylor Townsend, Kaitlin Cooper, Winchester of Brown, Princess Sparkle and Captain Oats. I even liked Kevin Volchok, Caleb Nichol and Oliver Trask. Mostly because his name is almost Boliver Trask. You heard me! The club where all the underage kids hung out was called The Bait Shop!! This show also gave us Chrismukkah, which kicks Festivus hinder. Tonight’s finale is said to be set six months in the future. I love that. I think all series finales should jump ahead in time. Let us know how everything turned out, “American Graffiti”-style. I think my two favorite characters, Seth and Summer, are marrying. I’m wrong a lot.

Tape “Grey’s Anatomy.” TiVo “CSI.” Watch “The OC.” 9 p.m. Thursday. Fox.

Ack!! Season-Sets Winging Furiously Toward Us!! Batman Beyond 3.x * Bosom Buddies 1.x * Bullshit! 4.x * Columbo 1989 * The 4400 3.x * Justice League Unlimited 2.x * Hawaii Five-0 1.x * The Larry Sanders Show: Not Just the Best Of * The Loop 1.x * Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman Vol. 1 * Michael Palin: Around The World In 80 Days * Moonlighting 5.x * NewsRadio 5.x * Northern Exposure 6.x * The Odd Couple 1.x * The Rockford Files 3.x * The Rockford Files 4.x * Secret Agent AKA Danger Man Complete Collection Megaset 2007 * The Shield 5.x * South Park 9.x * Twin Peaks 2.x * The Venture Bros. 2.x * WKRP in Cincinnati 1.x

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