MiraJeff squeezes THE DEPARTED's package and makes sweet love to it!!

Greetings AICN, MiraJeff here with a look, no a stare, at The Departed. Everything you’ve heard about this movie kicking ass, don’t believe it for a second… MAJOR ass is more like it. Wow. While not quite as classic as Goodfellas or Casino, the latter of which my bosses at Variety say is hardly a classic, The Departed is easily one of the best films of the year if not the best, and I can’t imagine anything knocking it off that lofty perch anytime soon. My fingers are still crossed for a lot of the Oscar bait we’re about to be fed, but I can safely uncross them where The Departed is concerned.

First off, to clear the air of bias, it’s true that I did work on this movie. I spent one day on set with the 2nd unit as a production assistant. It’s an uncredited gig although it is the sole credit on my IMDB page. I worked til about four in the morning and it was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. I stood in the rain and basically just waited around, guarding the underbelly of a bridge in a very sketchy part of Boston, where I’m from. Marty wasn’t there and neither were any of the stars, just some body doubles for the scene where DiCaprio cold cocks Wahlberg in front of Martin Sheen. I spent the night telling teenage girls from Southie that no, Leo wasn’t around, and marveling at Nicholson’s stand-in, who looks so much like Jack that it is scary. Someone should do a documentary on this guy, I’m telling you, he just coasts from set to set pretending to be Jack Nicholson. Anyways, second of all, I am a mega-fan of Infernal Affairs. It is without a doubt the smartest, most exciting, entertaining Hong Kong film I’ve ever seen. The whole trilogy stands up as being pretty solid but the original, for obvious reasons, works the best, and considering Departed screenwriter William Monahan has never seen Infernal Affairs (he’s only read a translated copy of the script), he’s done a helluva job adapting it for American audiences. Personally I don’t think it matters whether or not you’ve seen Infernal Affairs. Allegedly, there is a distinct delineation in audience reaction between those who are familiar with it and those who aren’t, but aside from knowing more or less what would happen, I would say it had no impact on my viewing the film.

The Departed is relentless on all fronts, from its humor and violence to its cunning deception. It is masterfully acted with rich, textured performances from Jack Nicholson and most impressively, Leonardo DiCaprio. It’s not that I was surprised by DiCaprio’s talent, which has been on display front and center in everything from Gilbert Grape to Titanic to The Aviator for which he was robbed of a gold statue. It’s more that I just didn’t think he could pull off this particular role, especially opposite Damon, who already had the natural Beantown accent and more cerebral look down pat. But only Leo could pull off an undercover role like this, as an Irish thug who grew up on both sides of the tracks, who scored a 1400 on his SAT’s before growing up to bash a guy’s face in with a coat rack. Damon does solid work like he always does but his character, Colin Sullivan, didn’t hit me as hard as DiCaprio’s Billy Costigan, maybe because Sullivan never really seems to be worried since he’s the one holding all the cards. And this has to be considered a return to form for Nicholson, who chews scenery like he’s Paul Fischer at a junket buffet. FYI, film journos in the know should be laughing their asses off at that joke. Vera Farmiga holds her own against the legendary testosterone onscreen, and although her character’s romance with both leads isn’t wholly convincing, she pulls it off and makes it work for the most part. Wahlberg goes a little over-the-top at times but is still a hilarious force to be reckoned with as Dignam, a guy who was born to be a cop. Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin are both solid despite not getting enough screentime or juicy moments. Their presence is nonetheless more than welcome. Anthony Anderson seems a bit out of place in a Scorsese film (I bet he never thought that would happen when he was filming Kangaroo Jack) but he keeps his head above water and manages to swim rather than sink amidst the heavyweight cast. Kevin Corrigan also has a few cool minutes of screentime. And I almost forgot Ray Winstone as Mr. French, Costello’s consiglieri of sorts. Winstone is so bad-ass here, I think he was taking notes on Kingsley’s performance during filming on Sexy Beast.

Listen, there are a few plot holes and gaps in logic here and there but they’re nit-picky. For instance, one of Costello’s crew knows that Costigan is the rat, but elects not to say anything until his last gasping breath. Also, after Costigan is initially suspicious when Sullivan calls him from Queenan’s cell phone, why does he trust him so easily when he knows Queenan has a mole in the department. Why does Dignam disappear for the third act, when he’s the only one who knows the identities and passwords to the undercover cops’ files? He just walks away from his career and nobody thinks of asking him, or forcing him, to give up that priviledged information on his way out? Like I said, those are things that you don’t really think about during the movie, which has a nearly airtight plot, their just minor quibbles that arise when you dissect the film as carefully as I did afterwards with the lucky buddy I took to the screening.

The ending sticks pretty close to the original Infernal Affairs ending, with a neat twist at the very end thrown in for good measure to completely satisfy mass audiences, who never seem to show up when the bad guy gets away in the end (see Arlington Road’s meager box office take). Credit has to be given to Marty’s longtime editor, Thelma Schoonmaker, for helping him nail the pacing. The chronology of the film is a little fuzzy, but only because the first act spans so many years. Scenes don’t begin or end, rather, we’re just thrust into them, and I for one was glad that the film never stopped to take a breath. It was adrenaline-pumping suspense all the way, and that’s largely thanks to Monahan, whose screenplay is sure to get an Oscar nomination. He just inked a deal with Warners and I like the name of his production company, Henceforth. I’m glad Warners realized the bang-up job he did here and decided to pay the man, because with a story as complicated as this, it would’ve been easy for it to go off the track and into convoluted territory. I don’t know whether or not the Academy will finally give Scorsese the Oscar he so richly deserves, but I’m fairly certain it will be the biggest box office performer he’s ever had. If you are a human being with testicles between your legs, you simply have no excuse for missing this movie. If you are a human being without testes, and you have either a brain or hormones or both, then how can you go wrong with a brainy thriller starring not only Leo, but Matt, Mark, and the sexiest 70 year-old on the planet (aside from maybe Hef), Jack motherfuckin’ Nicholson. This thing has the pedigree to be the next Titanic, and although there’s no way it will approach a billion dollars, it has a pretty good shot at $100 million, and $200 mil ain’t out of the question either. Bottom line: The Depahted is wicked pissah brah.

That’ll do it for me, folks. I’m workin overtime to finish reviews of Little Children and Shortbus. I’ll also have a preview of the rest of this season of Weeds, a recap of my bout with Boll, and screenings lined up for Man of the Year, Tideland, The Prestige, and Babel, and hopefully Fur and Pan’s Labyrinth too. Wow, I love this time of year. ‘Til next time, this is MiraJeff signing off…