Whew.... this one doesn't sound very good.... Well, it was a rough cut, and on a comedy that can really be trouble, but ya know, I just watched the DVD of BLUES BROTHERS last night with the extra footage in place from an earlier screening of the film, and ya know.... It was just as funny and a bit better in my opinion. So... I don't know... this sounds like a stinker...
The Sony Online Junkie here again. Thought I'd toss in a report on a film I knew nothing about until Monday night.
Monday evening as I switched on my neural interface and jacked in for another sixteen hours of those fantastic "Multiplayer Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy" online--gotta get the top scores of those two every day or I ain't a man--I was suddenly hit with an overload from an excited Universal executive who sent me upwards of 40+ emails in less than that many seconds.
The emails were an invitation--no, a begging--for me to come and see a VERY early screening of a film that as of this moment still doesn't have a final name. It had originally been called "Pittsburgh" (because that's where the film takes place) but last night the title was called "Backstabbers" (because that's what I guess the filmmaker's--or more likely, the marketers--thought the film was about).
Not having anything to do last night, I agreed to allow myself to be linked to a camera that had been connected to the net and pointed at the screen at some theatre in Burbank.
Once they had all the teenagers they felt they needed to truly test this film's marketability, they lowered the lights and started the film. It was a VERY rough cut--the jumps from edit to edit were still exceedingly rough, making it hard for me to follow what was even happening some of the time.
For those who don't know anything about this film, let me give a quick synopsis. Norm MacDonald (Of SNL and Dirty Work fame) plays a chauffeur for a mean old bitch who pays him shit and won't even give him a new suit--he's still wearing the one his FATHER wore for decades and was buried in (she made the funeral director give it back after the funeral). When Norm finally gets tired of being her slave, he decides to steal her dog and ransom it for $1,000,000. Suffice it to say that every step he takes from the kidnapping on only gets him into deeper trouble. Before it's all said and done, the police think HE was kidnapped, that the old LADY was kidnapped, that Norm IS the kidnapper and to top it all off, add in Danny DeVito as a sleezy morgue physician who enjoys keeping a collection of things he's found in people's bodies and is the vice-president of the Hawaii Five-O fan club.
Yes, it's a supremely screwed up film. Now, since I know people like to bitch a lot in the talk back, let me do one of those countdown things so people are ready for spoilers. 'Cause, you know, spoiling THIS film would be worse than spoiling Ep. 1--after all, who can resist a film with Norm MacDonald?
10
9
8
7
oh, fuck it.
Here's the deal. If you like films that bounce around with lots of crazy insanity--a la "There's Something about Mary" or "Kingpin", you might like this film. Just don't expect it to be nearly as GOOD as either of those is (and yes, they ARE good for the type of film they are trying to be).
First of all, Norm MacDonald isn't star material. I'm sorry, he's just not. He's got a great deadpan ability, which makes him perfect as a side-kick to someone else. But he CANNOT hold a movie himself. He just doesn't appeal enough.
For instance, in the movie I downloaded last night, I went for 20 full minutes before I laughed at anything in the movie--never a good sign--and when I did laugh, it wasn't at him. It was at something that Sherman Helmley (or however the hell you spell his name--Mr. Jefferson from the old "Movin' On Up" days) did. In fact, just about everyone in the film was funnier than Norm. As long as the scenes focused on what was happening, I enjoyed it. When they focused on him, I could care less.
There was one person in the film who was even worse. The old biddy. I never even bothered to check out what her name was, but she's been an old biddy in numerous films before. I had hoped, in fact, that she was dead since I haven't seen her in anything for a while. No such luck.
It is unbelievable to me to watch someone on the screen who literally looks ON SCREEN like she has either A)forgotten her lines B)is reading a cue card from off set or C)has some type of dysfunctional mental challengement that makes her wait for 30-40 SECONDS before she delivers her line. I literally spent most of the movie hoping that the film would go dark enough that she would die. As that would have been the greatest moment of the film for me. Alas, that was not to be. She survives--and again, the SITUATION is fine. She is not.
Speaking of those in the film, the only one that interested me (and is this a surprise, given the B-level cast) was ole Danny. WOW can he look like a slimy bastard when he lets his hair grow long. And he was fun to watch, too, because I never knew where he was going to go next. Unfortunately, he's a minor character (with a great ending, though) and he spent too little of the film on-screen. In fact, the emails I sent the executive stated that I almost wish you could throw out the whole plot with Norm and instead do a film about Danny. I even remember that character's name (the only one worth remembering): Grover Cleaver. How's that for the perfect name for some screwed-up, unhinged mortician/doctor who's got a fetish for combing his hair with a comb found in someone's intestines? He's truly beautiful when he wants to be.
So the plot: Actually, to be fair to the executives (after all, someone has to be. The reviewers and the audience won't be), the plot is actually pretty good after you get through the WAY TOO DAMN SLOW first half. By the time it was over, I found that my neural implants were actually glittering--a sign that I had laughed and had found the latter half of the movie worth watching. Unfortunately, you had to get through the first half to get there. And the first half DRAGS.
Moreover, this is one of those films where characters are invented out of necessity. Not because they are necessary to the film--but because whoever the shleck was who wrote this script would write himself into a corner and then create a character specifically to get him back out of it. Such is the case with Norm's girlfriend (her name in the movie was Hillary or something like that--I have no rememberance of her real name). This character was only a 1-joke gag that was simply used whenever Norm got into too much trouble. Boring.
Also, this film made a great many attempts to be 'gross' in its jokes. Unfortunately, 99% of them have been seen in other ones--way to be original folks by having a dog attack Norm and having him slap it against a table. (Did anyone see "Mary"?) But hey--at least they added their own touch to it by having the dog bite his hand and having blood splurt all over the place. It did actually matter in the plot that the blood hit the walls, so that much I give them credit for--but come on. Gross out movies are fine--but they have to be done FRESH.
All in all, this is the perfect video movie. Wait until it comes out at Blockbuster or whatever (it'll never be on PPV) and then download it to your nearest computer, invite some of your virtual friends over and crank out that virtual popcorn. In fact, you might even want to make it a double feature by adding that other stellar Norm movie "Dirty Work". That would be a perfect double-bill for one of those nights that you're just too damn lazy to get out of your VR suit but you want to watch something that will, in the end, make you laugh.
Other than that, avoid this at the real movie theaters. Save your money for something better--like just about anything.
