Folks, Harry here, with my typical Hallenbeck warning. What follows is the mighty one's top ten of the year. Many of you will VIOLENTLY disagree with him on his choices, as I'm sure you will when I do my list (still need to see LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE and THE THIN RED LINE). Hopefully, I'll be getting similar lists from Robogeek, Moriarty and my own self soon. Hallenbeck has no control over his soot filled mouth, so beware ye tender eared chap and chaplets. Prepare to get angry....
Alright, listen up all you whiny little Mother Bitches. This is the Mighty Joe Hallenbeck here with a recap of the best of '98. Personally, I believe 1998 was the best year for movies since 1994. I saw many solid films...some good, others VERY good. Unfortunately, I didn't see that one(or two) movie(s) that made me fall in love with cinema all over again. Perhaps next year. C'est La Vie.
The following is "MY" Top Ten Films of the Year. Many of you will scoff and ridicule my absurd picks...saying I should take my head out of my ass. By all means, do so. I could give a Mickey's ass! Besides, at least my #1 film of the year isn't a certain "Pig" movie (that fuckin' tanked) unlike some "Professional" Film Critics.
Before I get to "THE TEN" I want to make some honorable mentions to the films that just missed the cut. These are films I enjoyed immensely, but for some reason or another, they just weren't good enough to make an appearance on the Mighty One's Top Ten.
What Dreams May Come
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Prince of Egypt
Patch Adams(could possibly sneak in as a Best Picture nom. It's an
audience favorite!)
Without Limits(You fuckers at WB are dead to me)
JOE HALLENBECK'S TOP TEN FILMS OF '98!!!
10. ARMAGEDDON - my guilty pleasure movie of the year. Every year I always throw one movie on my list that I felt just rocked my world. I may not have gained anything intellectually or spitirtually from a movie like this, but it sure did entertain the hell out of me. A Hearty Hallenbeck Fuck You to all you cocksuckers out there who wrote this film off after its decent opening weekend. Two Hundred Million Dollars plus here and another $300 million plus overseas proves that some people in this world dug this flick as much as I. It's dumb, fun, and full of cum! I had an absolute blast with this film! Many other movies came out this year that are a hell of a lot more superior to this piece of pulp, but they didn't blow up my skirt as much as this fun little ditty did. Kudos to Michael, Bruce, and Jerry for delivering slam bang entertainment! Plus, I must admit, that any movie where the hero sacrifices his own life for his fellow man and dies because of it is thumbs up in my book!
9. VERY BAD THINGS - It's for the sick fuck in you! 'Nuff said!
8. SAVING PRIVATE RYAN - It ain't nearly as self-indulgent or pretentious as Malick's The Thin Red Line, so that's why Spielberg's opus made it on my list instead of Malick's often haunting and sometimes terrifying vision of WWII. I never said this was a bad movie. I said this was an over-rated one. It will most likely pick up several Oscars and rightfully so. No other movie this year is more "Oscar Worthy" than God's exploration of War. No other film managed to touch the hearts and minds of filmgoers than this very good War film. SPR is a solid pice of filmmaking, but to me, at least, it ain't no Masterpiece. As a matter of fact, those will most likely be my dying words: "Private Ryan is over-rated....."
7. DARK CITY - quite possibly the most spectacular looking film I've ever sene. So much is going on in every shot. The detail to the f/x and the art direction boggles the mind. This movie is audaciously original in it's physical look as well as in it's plotline. This is just one Uber-fuckin'-cool flick!!!!
6. THE OPPOSITE OF SEX - my favorite original script of the year. I will be heart broken if the Academy doesn't recognize the script, Lisa Kudrow and Christina Ricci in their respective categories. I'm not saying grant them the win, I just want to at least see all of them get nominated. I was really surprised how much this film affected me right after seeing it and how much it still affects me months later. If you haven't seen this film I highly recommend picking it up at your local video store. It's biting, caustic, mean-spirited, yet somewhere beneath this tough exterior lies a soul worth exploring. Rent it and you'll see what I mean.
5. SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE - Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. Iw ill admit, I was wrong. This movie had three strikes already against it before I saw it.
ONE: It's one of them "costume flicks" that I hate more than Woody Allen films. WRONG!!!!! It's not one of them stuffy, British Art House flicks that makes one want to fetch a translator. It's not stuffy. It's not boring. And it sure as hell ain't difficult to understand!
TWO: It had quite possiby the worst trailer of the year(second only to The Faculty...surprisingly, a half way decent flick). The art work was wretched as well. I hated this movie! I wanted to throw shit(literally) at the screen when the trailer came on.
THREE: This is the movie that fucked over THE MIGHTY. This one really pissed me off. I loved The Mighty, as has everyone else I know who has seen it. I just wanted to fuckin kill Bob and Harvey for what they did to this wonderful flick. I didn't care how good Shakespeare was, it wasn't gonna be shit in my eyes...that is, until I saw it.
"Shakespeare" is the kind of movie that makes one fall in love with words...not that the script is anything earth-shattering(although, it's got a great chance at taking home the best original screenplay trophy...A GREAT ONE). It's the message, my fellow geeks and geekettes...it's the message behind those lines of dialogue and longing looks that made this cynical reviewer squirm in his seat. It opened up the romantic in me. I've always enjoyed The Bard's Comedies, but some of his Tragedies just left a stale taste upon my palate...in particular, ROMEO AND JULIET. I find it absurd that it took a movie like this to open up my heart to the romantic splendor of such a beloved, yet now cliched piece of literature, but I'm ever so glad it did.
4. PLEASANTVILLE - How the Mighty has fallen. Once my best film of the year, now it's only considered #4. Why is this so? Well, simply put: upon repeated viewings I managed to find flaws in the film. Is it a bad film then? HELL NO!!! I still love it, but it's not perfect in my eyes. The last half hour, unfortunately, ruins what was a perfect movie in my eyes. I still think Pleasantville is a hell of a movie, but I can no longer call it "THE BEST" film of the year.
3. THE MIGHTY - FUCK YOU MIRAMAX!!!! Fuck you very much!!! A hearty Hallenbeck fuck you for screwin' over a great little film like this. You usually "do" movies like this right, but someone in your home managed to fuck over this special lost little gem. If I ever find out who it was I'll make sure my trusy Bat will have a good talkin' to to the person or persons responsible for this unfortunate mistake.
2. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL - ...as is this wonderful film. I wept when I saw the trailer. I had hoped the movie would allow me to do the same. It did...and then some. This is an amazing movie about love, family, and the power of imagination. If you haven't had the oppurtunity to take a gander at this spectacular film I highly recommend doing so at your earliest convenience. It's a magical film that you'll never forget. I know it's going up for Best Foreign Film, but that doesn't mean you can't nominate everything else the film has to offer. I want to see at least 6 nominations for this film, including, at least, a WIN for Foriegn Film. You know this incredible flick deserves it!
And now, Joe Hallenbeck's Best film of 1998 is.....
URBAN LEGEND!!!!
Ooops! I said best, not worst. The best is....
A SIMPLE PLAN - I managed to see this film many months back. I loved it then...and I love it even more now! Fuck FARGO!!! Sam Raimi's brilliant direction, not to mention Scott B. Smith's incredible adapted screenplay are by far the best of the year. The performances by Paxton, Fonda, and especially Thornton are top notch! Many movies have been made dealing with greed, but none are as haunting as this gut-wrenching film. Just when you think the fire has gone out, another log is thrown onto it. Certain images and lines of dialogue haunt me to this very day. When Billy Bob asks Paxton, "...do you ever feel evil." My heart just stops. Or, when Billy Bob and Paxton are having that conversation in the truck I just have to break out the hanky(and I'm not talking about Mr. Poo here) and wipe those tears away. This is an amazing film that deals with greed, friendship, family, honesty, love, dreams, trust and a hell of a lot of fuckin' snow. It covers the entire spectrum of the human rainbow and manages to convey not one, not two, but SEVERAL messages to the audience. Perhaps, as time goes by I'll be able to categorize this amazing film as a masterpiece. As of right now, unfortunately, it has to settle for best film of 1998.
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
PS In the next week or so I'll finish up my best AND WORST list for the films of 1998.
