Ok, so ya wanna dismiss my opinion of this film because I have a part in the movie. You want to think that Rodriguez cast me in this film in order to sway my opinion into liking what must otherwise be a piece of shit... Right? Well, gosh, you must be right. So completely ignore the following, because I’m obviously a sellout turd without an inkling of taste...
THE FACULTY
This is the weirdest and strangest and longest, yet most exciting film experience of my life. Why? Because.... well, here...
One year ago today, I went out Christmas shopping with Robert Rodriguez, we wound up at a restaurant here in Austin called Ninfa’s and (technically you can read about this day in my POSTMAN review) well at dinner he pulled out a whole buncha sketches that Bernie Wrightson had done for this movie he was doing next entitled THE FACULTY.
I was excited because, well for one thing, I had been Robert’s friend for about 11 months at that time, and in all of that time, he wasn’t doing a movie. It was just Robert the guy I painted monster models with, and I really was hankering to see Robert make a movie. It had always seemed a bit legendary to me. Sure he wore the bandanna round his head, but to watch him actually direct and shoot and put a film together.... well that would be a chance to see a part of Robert that I hadn’t seen.
On top of everything else, it was an alien/horror film, and I had dreamed my entire life about being on the set of one of those. It would be like walking into an issue of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND or STARLOG or FANGORIA or CINEFANTASTIQUE... Wow.
For four months Robert was in casting for the film, dropping me hints here and there, teasing me with the script, but never handing me it... so I reached out with my spies and grabbed the draft right out of MIRAMAX’s home office.
The day Robert walked into my house and saw the script laying there... his eyes bugged, it was classic. The funny part was that it was a draft that Kevin Williamson had turned in only three days prior and Robert didn’t have a copy of it yet. Hee hee hee... That’ll show him!
But what Robert did have was pictures of some of the work that KNB was doing. WOW... this was all work based upon the sketches by Bernie Wrightson. We then went out and painted some more, we went swimming, he cooked a homemade pizza, and we watched HEAVY METAL and JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING. We talked about some of the stuff he was working on, yadda yadda...
Time passed and the sets began to be built. I went out to the big soundstage here in town that they were building the interior sets on. Elizabeth, Robert’s wife and producer, took me around the production office and sets. In her office she got a phone call telling her that they had just landed ELIJAH WOOD for the part of Casey.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!, My brain screamed. I really didn’t like Elijah Wood in film at that point. I’m not sure what it was, but... well dammit, he just looked like the sort of kid I’d ram into a flagpole. It was nothing personal, just this fundamental urge to physically harm the kid. I mean he was the flipper boy, the good son... He’s the kid that wouldn’t go all the way with Christina Ricci and would rather play with fireworks. Elizabeth tried to reassure me that Elijah was a real human being, and that upon meeting him, I would never ram him into a flagpole.
I was unsure. To be fair to Elijah, at this point I had never actually read the script for Robert’s film. THE FACULTY sat at home, read only by my father. Robert asked me to wait to read the final draft, that he needed someone to read it at that point with fresh eyes. Ok, sure.
The cast and crew party for the film was scheduled. This was where everyone got together three days before filming was to begin. Party party... It was on top of a building in downtown Austin and well, about 3 seconds after I was on the roof this kid came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder... it was Elijah Wood. It was amazing, I still wanted to ram him into a flagpole. Elizabeth was wrong. And then Elijah said, “Wow, I’m A HUGE Fan Of Your Site.” Hmmm, he’s smart. So I talked with him and found that he was a geek that just exuded excitement about working in a movie with Robert and wow there was a Star Wars movie coming up and gosh wouldn’t it be cool to be in a Star Wars movie... yadda yadda... Amazing. He’s a real kid. He doesn’t walk around like some sort of pompous ass, he’s not all Hollywoody, instead he’s just a normal kid that can act real good. Hmmmm... I decide to possibly consider him as being suitable for this film.
A little bit after talking to Elijah, Robert gave me the final draft of the script and I went home to read it. Wow, Elijah was perfect for Casey. In fact after reading the script I was very excited about this project. I couldn’t wait to see effects stuff shooting.
Most of you have read my on-set adventures for THE FACULTY. They go into great detail and well, every bit of it is exactly true. It was a wonderful set. It was always busy but always friendly. No raised voices, no screams. Even the top AD on the film, Doug, he was very cool. And usually ADs have the rep to be A-holes. Not the case on this film. Elizabeth kept the set moving at all times, making sure every conceivable problem was taken care of. No stumbling blocks for Robert. It was really quite amazing to watch.
I had complete access to the set, any time day or night. The film had secrets, but hey, this site has never been about the twists and turns of films, it’s always been about whether or not there’s something for you to get excited about, or to stay away like it’s some sort of poison ivy.
I had parties at my house for the crew. Everybody would come. For most of the kid cast (Elijah Wood, Laura Harris, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy and Jordana Brewster) well they came over and watched everything under the sun including INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, the Donald Sutherland version. They loved it. We talked film, drank and ate Dad’s brisket and sausage. It was a good time.
When filming ended, Robert became a hermit, staying at home for days without leaving the garage editing. When he finally had it all together he showed me the film.
I was the third person to see it. First was Bob and Harvey Weinstein. When I saw the print there were no special effects in place at all. The sound was in it’s roughest possible form, with very little sound in place. The film was still not quite solid.
I thought the first 30 minutes dragged like hell, the character of Delilah had her best lines cut out of the film, but once the film got moving... it really kicked ass. It got pretty damn intense, and Robert isn’t used to letting off the gas pedal. But I was a little worried about the film because of how slow the first 30 minutes were. I told Robert that and said he needed some great music for the introduction of the main characters. I really wanted to hear a better sound mix, cause I know how intensely Robert builds his sound in films. Just listen to what Robert does to an audience in DESPERADO or FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. Those sound mixes are amazing.
That was the last time I heard from Robert when he took off for Northern California and Skywalker Ranch to begin the months long journey of building the sound for the film. He talked about taking me out with him, but we both knew that Lucas’ machine-gun armed assassins would kill me and ruin the upholstery in the vehicle Robert was driving at the time.
He called me up every other week or so and we’d shoot the shit about how it was going. I was dying to see a final print.
Over the course of all of this, Robert and I have talked and talked about seeing this film at the Paramount Theatre here in Austin. About giving away Zeke’s car at the premiere. About hearing this movie with an Austin Audience. It would be mega cool.
So that brings me up to yesterday and the screening at the Paramount.
People drove 8 and 9 hours to get to the theater on time, several people (normal folks like you) that read the site flew into Austin to see the movie. I was nervous as hell.
No, not because I’m in it, but because I know for a fact that if I somehow didn’t like the way the film came together... well, I’d have to look Robert in the eye and ask him, “What Happened?”
Who attended?
Copernicus, Tom Joad, Annette Kellerman, RoRo, Robogeek, Paul, Johnny Wad, Quint, Hooper, Sister Satan, Lobo, El Gordo, his wife and mother-in-law. Oh, and me too. None of the stars were able to make it because of work, hey that’s a good thing.
The theater was packed, sold out, more than 1200 people packed that place. I had just arrived from the pre-party where I had several people try to pitch their scripts to me. NOTE: HARRY IS NOT RICH!!!
At that party I was approached by no less than 50 folks that were there from the site. Cool. At the theater... well Zeke’s car was parked out front in all it’s pristine glory. Before the film started Robert came out, did the regular introduction thing, while filming everyone with his digital camera he keeps in his little stomach bolsa. Before that he had filmed the audience while greeting everyone in their seats.
My sister was extremely psyched, she’s been walking around picturing her head in the midst of big yellow stars. Yeah, she’s like that.
The film began...
At an instant you noticed the absolute killer sound in the Paramount and it’s newly installed SDDS. Wow.
I’m not going to spoil the film, I haven’t during my one year association with it, so I’m not about to now.
This is a really really good movie. I wish for the purposes of this review I wasn’t involved, but hey, that’s not the reality of the situation. And in reality I’m ecstatic to be a part of this film. Why? Because I’m in a fucking horror/sci-fi film.
This movie is an amalgamation of lots of films. It’s equal parts INVADERS FROM MARS, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, 3 O’CLOCK HIGH, DINER, ALIEN, INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN, THE BLOB, LIFEFORCE, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING and many more.
What’s good about that?
Well, I hate movies that you can just say, “It’s Die Hard on a Boat!” or “It’s TITANIC on a Blimp!” Instead, when you have movies that are genuine fresh combinations of multiple film types... well, sometimes it just works out. This is one of em. And besides it’s original elements, there are nods and pieces from 10 other films at least, and it’s all done very cool.
I’m gonna go through and touch on a few things about this film, and I’m gonna do it by heading...
THE KEVIN WILLIAMSON ELEMENT...
Unlike SCREAM and SCREAM 2, the ‘pop-culture’ dialogue felt natural to me. You see, in THE FACULTY, what they are dealing with, these kids would only have a film reference for. Really, if you began to experience Aliens and Body Snatcher type stuff... well you’re frame of reference would have to be films like PUPPETMASTERS and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS... When talking about Aliens taking over, films like ID4, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, etc... well they’d come up. At least they would if I were in the situation. Let’s face it, everything we know for certain about aliens came from books, television and film. Everything else we know about em is sheer speculation.
THE TEEN SLASHER FILM
This isn’t a teen slasher film. There are ALIENS, the ads have been a bit misleading, there is more to it than... what you think right now. There is not just ONE bad guy, there is no man with a hook. It feels much more like a real live horror film. That’s a good thing I assure you.
THE ULTIMATE HIGH SCHOOL GEEK MOVIE?
Yes. I wholeheartedly believe this to be the ultimate high school geek movie. Why? Because... well... gosh... I don’t really want to get into it, but... dammit, ok. There is a main character in the film. You may not know who he or she is at the beginning or the middle, but there is a main character... sorta like Ripley in ALIEN. Anyway, this ‘Ripley’ is each and every one of us put upon High School Geeks. The type that the jocks picked on, or that the cheerleaders poked. The quiet bookworm, science club, film fan that... well... You know, ‘Ripley’ is supposed to be us. That being said, different people have their own specialized character in this film. It’s a bit like THE BREAKFAST CLUB in that respect, you will hate one of the characters and totally love another of them. It’s the way you are supposed to feel. Because in High School, you love this character in class and you hate that other one. It’s all part of the natural order.
Anyway, this ‘RIPLEY’ character literally gets the significant other, has an adventure and gets fame and glory. That just kicks ass. It’s not like in that fucking retarded SCREAM 2 where they kill their main character in broad fucking daylight in a fashion that that specific character never should have died. Dammit!
Don’t think about ‘Who’s Ripley?” during the film, instead just go along with the gang and choose your favorite.
WHERE DOES THIS RANK IN THE RODRIGUEZ FILMOGRAPHY?
Well, I think technically speaking it’s his best film. My favorite is still FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, followed by this then DESPERADO and EL MARIACHI. What’s the difference? What makes this ‘technically speaking’ his best film?
Well... There is no tonal inconsistencies for me. Remember the deflowering of Jennifer Jason Leigh in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH? Remember how brutal and honest that was? Well, there is actually quite a bit of that thing in here. At the same time there is some cartoony as hell stuff going on. This is high school reality to a geek.
You have the asshole jocks, the snobby fucking drop dead smart as hell wet dream, the innocent shrinking violet, the ‘I vant to be alone’ type, the self-aware football guy that hates the silver spoon treatment.... It’s like that in High School, or at least it was where I went. You had a teacher or two that were wet dreams, you have the adults that treat you like a child, etc...
One of the biggest breakthroughs in this film is the use of High School kids as High School kids. I really can’t stress enough how that one little detail adds so much more honesty to this film. These look like kids, the teachers look like teachers, even me, and that’s a real fucking scary thought. My god, I look like one of them was the thought that coarsed through my lobes.
How the hell did I get to look like a teacher? I’m a kid, I still plead for pwesents for crissakes! I’m... 27. Gosh, I’m ‘Them’ age. What the bloody hell? Man, 27 years on Planet Earth.... weird.
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO SEE YOURSELF IN A COOL MOVIE?
Well, it is actually even more weird than that. Ya see, because of that call for you folks to join me at the PARAMOUNT... well, I sort of stacked the audience... I think. Everytime I appeared on screen the audience went nuts, not quite as nuts as when Zeke’s Car, but then they were not winning me to take home with em... Not that that would illicit anything besides screams of absolute mind numbing horror. Actually the ‘character’ look I gave was pretty cool really. It didn’t make me look dumb, which really is amazing, and I must complement Rodriguez for eliciting such an amazing depth of emotion from me. Not to mention the amazing subtlety my character arcs through the film. This is very very important. It is only a shame that... well... I didn’t end up with Salma for one of the end shots of the film. However, I’m sure this will be explored in one of the myriad of sequels that will pour forth. BTW, my line is still in the film, but is delivered off camera, so you may miss it. The one other mentionable is this. Seeing a movie that you are on set for is WEIRD. It’s like having memories from a different set of eyes. You remember the event, the motion of the mouth, the sounds and the smells. You remember the rooms, but you can pan around and see through the ‘fourth wall’ where Rodriguez sat, and Enrique help his tricorder-thingamagig and the big fuzzy boom and the dude holding it, and the painter people and the apple blocks and all the other teeny tiny pieces to what seems to be a seemless memory. Tis cool indeed.
THE FACULTY ACTORS BESIDES ME...
The other teachers and school staff in the film... well they’re wonderful. The stand-outs are BEBE NEUWIRTH and ROBERT PATRICK and JOHN STEWART.
Lilith is dead, long live BeBe! After this film I can't imagine ever seeing Lilith again. Plus now I really really want to see her in CHICAGO up there in New York. She did a little of it on the Football field that night at the football stadium shoot and it twas mucho frio. Believe it or not Robert Patrick is not just the T-1000. He’s amazing as Coach. It was a role that he could have completely ripped off from his role as the liquid metal one, but ya know... I’m sooooooooooooooo glad he didn’t. I know initially that’s what Robert and I were talking about. Having him run just like the T-1000, but instead he runs a bit more like Rutger Hauer in BLADE RUNNER. Jon Stewart is really good in this. He comes across as a real actor and not a stand-up comedian. His scene with the 6 kids is just cool as hell.
NUDITY IN TEEN HORROR!
It’s Back with Class! Yes, no more namby pamby Bras..... We’re talking full ass cheeks and titties! We’re talking about wet out of the swimming pool head to toe nudity! We’re talking about DVD action here!
THE UNMENTIONABLE
The thing I won’t talk about and you should only talk about with your friends that have ALREADY SEEN THE FILM! There is a cool thing that happens in this film and we get something cool that happens. It’s not hinted at in the trailers, and you are not in any way expecting it. This is a very very very good thing. It’s THIS elements that elevates this film from just the standard run of the mill horror films involving High Schools. And it and the nudity and the characters and the action is the reason I’ll see this movie a lot. Oh, and so I can ego-stroke myself off to mental and physical jizz ejaculations! Trust me though... and listen, don’t ruin this film for your friends and neighbors.
THE TEENS...
I love this group. And if my bias is anywhere in this review, it’s here. Perhaps it’s because I got to know each and everyone really good during the filming. Because I met their parents, because they came to my house and watched secret spy stuff and 16 mm films in the backyard and we ate and hung out. Maybe. But I really don’t think so.
Elijah Wood/Casey is wonderful in the movie, he just really really comes across as a kid without any friends. Like the kid that is standing in a room that you and a friend are in, and when you tell someone else about the conversation you say, “Yeah, me and Schroeder were in a room talking and noone else was around.” He’s a noone. And he knows it. He loathes it. He looks at people right there besides them and covets. He doubts himself and he’s perfect in the film. As a person, well Elijah in reality is quite honestly one of the best people I have ever met. He’s honest and real. He comes with a great family and wonderful sensibilities. He’s what folks up north call, “Good People.”
Clea DuVall/Stokely is my sister’s favorite character. Clea plays Stokely so dead on you’d swear up and down that THAT is who she is. You would just know she stumbles around mumbling and looking coldly at people. You could see her being a bitch in real life looking at this character, you might think she’s really insecure. NOPE. In reality she’s bright and happy. She’s playful and fun. Everything this character isn’t, but with the smarts. She’s got 4 movies come out next year, I’m gonna see all 4.
Jordana Brewster/Delilah is so perfect in her role as the stuck up beautiful snob that could just stare holes through your head that you know that’s who she is. It isn’t. She actually is quite human and approachable, even a bit shy. My sister got to know her pretty good and describes her as being an absolute darling, and my sister generally hates ‘beautiful’ people, of which Jordana is a stunning example. Beauty with no beast in life, on film she’s got the verbal fangs. She basically de-nuts Stan with a line or two. Icy and cold.
Shawn Hatosy/Stan is the most overlooked and under appreciated actor in this film. He is absolutely being screwed by MIRAMAX’s promotional wing. If you look at the ads and listen to the ‘narration’ you’d think USHER was actually in this movie. Thank God he isn’t really, I mean he has a part, he’s good, but he’s in this film maybe 2 minutes more than me. STAN/SHAWN on the other hand is not only in this movie as much as anyone on the poster, but he’s probably the most subtle and strong kid in the film. I’m dying to see what he does next and how he does. On set he didn’t really talk to me much, but he did come up a bit here and there. He seemed to be a pretty serious fella. Never met his Dad, but got emails from him with messages for Shawn. That was weird, let me tell ya.
Laura Harris/MaryBeth for me is the name and face I take from the movie. If she doesn’t play the daughter or sister of Michelle Pffeifer in a movie soon I’ll be shocked. The both have that same look in their eyes, that same sparkle. A lovely smile. In the film her southern belle accent never slips, though in reality she is CANADIAN. Everyone on set fell in love with her, she’s a pure joy to be around and along with Elijah and Josh, the person I most miss at my backyard parties. They were and are very good people.
Josh Hartnett/Zeke is gonna be picked on a bit because well, he plays the cocky self sure “I’m too cool” dude, and Hallenbeck hates him from point zero. Personally I think Zeke is cool from the first shot of him in the movie. He’s a fifth year Senior in the film. Why? Well it’s never answered in the film. In reality I think it’s because he felt comfortable in High School. Like he didn’t know what he would do on the ‘outside’. Like he was a long time prisoner in Jail that just grew too old to do anything else but sit in his cell and work in the sweat shop. That’s my read on him. Maybe I’m reading too much, I don’t think so. Josh is in reality a pretty cool guy, he likes vintage black and white animation, especially Betty Boop, and that makes him really fucking cool in my book.
THE DRUG USE IN THE FILM
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, When I was at John Carpenter’s house earlier this year I was talking with his wife about subversive elements in Horror films. Things that will get under peoples’ skins and make them uncomfortable. She was talking about how it was hard to come up with stuff today that would just mess with peoples’ heads. I responded with the use of drugs in this film. Personally I’m counting on actual OUTRAGE, public screaming at the highest levels. Mentions on the floor of Congress when some pompous ass begins farting out a pontification about what’s wrong with society today. Absolutely wonderful. It is, quite simply... Real Damn Cool. Ok, you want to know what I’m talking about... Well go see the movie, I’m still hoping this review gets me points.... Ahhhh come on just a little itsy bitsy 25 points.... Come on Bob! It’s Christmiss... or Hanukkah... or Ramadan tis a time of giving!
Is this the greatest film ever made? No
Is this the greatest horror film ever made? No
Is this a film that you should fall down on your knees and worship? Yeah, but only when I’m on screen.
This is a fun as hell movie to see with a group of friends. It’s a smart blending of a lot of films, and it’s shot with that ever-present Rodriguez style. And it is a style, you know immediately that he is directing. You can feel it. You know that a crazy guitar playing bandana wearing monster model painting HEAVY METAL (the movie) THE THING fan is a making. You sense it.
This year you’ve been assaulted with a lot of bad teen slasher films. So many that you’ve probably fallen into the, “I never want to see a Teen Slasher film again!” phase. I agree. BUUUUUUUUUUUT, this isn’t a ‘Teen Slasher’ flick. Instead it’s more of a rebirth of the old TEEN MONSTER MOVIE. It’s more like INVADERS FROM MARS or INVASION OF THE SAUCER MAN or THE BLOB. It’s kids doing battle with the personification of authority and chaos.
This film doesn’t take place in REALITY REALITY, this is the High School that Jack Burton and Ash and Snake Plissken and Seth Gecko and Robert Rodriguez went to. It’s mean and ugly and spits out bad asses. And you’ll never in a million years believe the bad ass this one will spit at you!
Go see the movie, not because I told ya to, but because it’s the latest Robert Rodriguez film. It’ll kick your ass if you want it to.
