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Herc's Seen NBC's HEROES!!

I am – Hercules!!

Heroes 1.1 FAQ

What’s the title of the “Heroes” pilot?
“Chapter One: In His Own Image.”

Who’s Responsible?
“Crossing Jordan” creator Tim Kring created “Heroes” too.

Ew. “Crossing Jordan”?
I now point out that “Lost” co-creator Damon Lindelof wrote for “Crossing Jordan.”

Is the Lindelof connection why NBC gave Kring a sci-fi show?
I don’t know.

Did J.J. Abrams ever write for "Crossing Jordan"?

Who’s in "Heroes"?
Milo Ventimiglia ("Gilmore Girls"), Adrian Pasdar ("Judging Amy"), Hayden Panettiere ("Ally McBeal"), Ali Larter ("Final Destination"), Greg Grunberg ("Alias"), Noah Gray-Cabey ("My Wife & Kids"), Leonard Roberts ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer"), Santiago Cabrera ("Empire"), Tawny Cypress ("Third Watch"), and Masi Oka ("Scrubs").

What’s it about?
People from all over the United States (and one guy from Tokyo) suddenly learn they have superpowers. The guy from Toyko discovers he can teleport himself, just like Nightcrawler. A cheerleader discovers she can heal herself, just like Wolverine. A cop discovers he can read minds, just like Professor X. A nurse thinks he might be able to fly, just like Storm. An artist thinks he can see the future, just like Destiny. The stripper can kill people by summoning a dark psychic force, just like Phoenix.

Is this “X-Men”? It sounds like “X-Men.”
I have no opinion.

When’s it air?
9 p.m. Mondays, opposite ABC’s “The Bachelor,” Fox’s “Vanished,” The CW’s “Runaway” and CBS’ “Two and a Half Men” and “Old Christine.”

Wait a minute. Didn’t you, Mighty Hercules, just tell us “Heroes” doesn’t debut on NBC until Sept. 25?
I did.

Why then are you reviewing “Heroes” weeks before it premieres?
My understanding is that “Heroes” will be available for download on iTunes starting Friday, Sept. 1. That’s today!

Greedy Hercules! How much is iTunes paying you?
I receive not one penny from iTunes and, as far as I know, neither does anyone here at AICN. If the idea of downloading a TV episode you’ll be able to see in a few weeks on NBC offends your delicate sensibilities, I implore you to steer clear of iTunes and boycott the TV part of AICN forever.

I'm on iTunes now and can't find "Heroes."
The free Heroes pilot is available starting today on a special, "hidden" section of iTunes that can be accessed with promotional gift cards now being given away at AMC, Cinemark, and Regal cinemas.

Is the “Heroes” pilot better that the those for “Supernatural,” “The Night Stalker,” “Surface,” “Threshold,” and “Invasion”?
Based on the pilot, I’m saying yes.

Is it as good as CBS’ “Jericho”?
Based on the pilots, I’m saying no.

Do the people with the superpowers form a Legion of Justice?
Not in the pilot.

Will they form a Legion of Justice?
I don’t know.

What’s Good?

* The pilot is far closer to “Unbreakable” than it is to “Mutant X.”

* Its prologue, likely to make many a true comic-book nerd squeal with glee, reads thusly: “In recent days, a seemingly random group of individuals has emerged with what only can be described as “special” abilities. Although unaware of it now, these individuals will not only save the world, but change it forever. This transformation from ordinary to extraordinary will not occur overnight. Every story has a beginning. Volume One of their epic tale begins here … “

* I suspect the connections between the series’ leads will be explained. (If I’m wrong I will be much displeased.)

* Ali Larter strips down to panties in her first scene. She’s pretty!

* The mirror effects in the Ali Larter sequences are kinda cool.

* The stripper’s son is a supergenius, and the kid who plays him plays him well.

* Hayden Panettiere, who played Ally McBeal’s kid, plays the self-healing cheerleader. She’s also pretty. But she was only 16 when she shot the pilot, so anyone who finds her sexually alluring is perverted and wrong!

* The Japanese guy who can stop time and teleport himself keeps a Godzilla action figure on his desk and knows about Kitty Pryde and the Vulcan Death Grip. He is clearly one of us.

* The Japanese guy’s name is Hiro.

* As the pilot draws to a close, there are at least four really interesting reveals that will make it impossible for you not to tune in for episode two.

* Subsequent to the pilot’s filming, the great Bryan Fuller – who created “Dead Like Me,” “Wonderfalls” and the TV version of “The Amazing Screw-On Head” – was hired to help out on “Heroes.”

What’s Not So Good?

* The Indian actor at the center of the saga may be a bit better looking than Naveen Andrews, but not as good an actor.

* Ditto the guy who plays the morphine-addled artist.

* I don’t get the cheerleader character. She needlessly (and, frankly, unrealistically) engages in extremely dangerous activities to test her Wolverine-like self-healing ability. And she somehow thinks her superpower will affect her ability to cheer at the big game, and her ability to take the SATs, and her ability to attend homecoming. Why she thinks these things is anyone's guess.

* When the cheerleader “rescues” some guy from a fire, it’s difficult to understand why the guy is just sitting in the middle of a fire, or why needs the cheerleader to help him walk away from it.

* The conversation between Mohinder and the nurse was a little on the precious side.

* I have grave doubts that this series will ever successfully explain this business with the eclipse. And can an eclipse really be seen in New York and Toyko on the same day?

* The teleportation sequence doesn’t make a lot of visual sense to me.

* The “I walked through fire and I didn’t get burned” dinner scene with the cheerleader is so fucking awful it gives me actual douche-chills.

How does it end, spoiler-boy?
“I don’t know. I don’t know. Oh God.”

Herc’s rating for “Heroes” 1.1?

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
***** better than we deserve
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

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