Hey folks, Harry here... This is a very heavily spoiler filled review of an incredibly fun horror film that is a throwback to 80s gorefests in more ways than one. HATCHET reminds me of MADMAN MARS, in a really good way. And I haven't seen a film this giddy with gore in a long goddamn time. HATCHET is worth checking out!
Hey Harry,
massive spoliers in this review
massive
Just got back from London's Fright Fest and thought I would send you a review of Hatchet, if you print it my name is Hollywoodnightmares.
So we are heading to Fright Fest festival to see Hatchet, a movie I have heard a lot about, so am kinda psyched to see, I love me my old slasher films and any film paying 'homage' to them fellas had better be good! Director Adam Green was there and introduced the flick, he was funny as all hell, seemed really genuine about his love of horror , complained at the amount of shitty remakes and sequels out there and told some cool stories about how he bagged Englund for the movie by buying him an out of print Marilyn Manson tee shirt, anyhow the movie, in the last few weeks I have heard some harsh criticism for Hatchet, because people were not liking the comedy in it, and after viewing it I gotta tell ya your love (or hatred) will depend on where you stand on the funnies this has to offer. Me, I went with it (as did most of the crowd) It's not Scary Movie funny, more Porky's , and well for an 80's throwback it worked for me. Adam said he wanted to get back to the essence of slasher films, gore, tits and humour.
The story is nothing special , deformed kid Victor Crowley lives as a recluse in the woods with his pops, now I must say I can't blame his father for keeping him locked up, as this kid is Ugly (that's right with a capital U) he's a cross between Jason in Friday part 3 and John Merrick (the elephant man dummies) and he likes to wear denim dungarees (just so you are sure he's a hillbilly) one night a group of snot nosed punks from town decide to go to Crowleys shack and throw fire crackers at the door, to scare him, of course it backfires and the shack catches fire (to be fair you cant blame these kids for that I mean The Burning hadn't even been made so they had no reference point to fire stunts going awry), young victors pop comes home just as the fire is a raging, but he can't kick the door down (now as Victors dad is played by Kane Hodder who is a big man this must be that industrial steel strenth wood then had in them olden days) so he does the only thing a father can do - he grabs an axe and takes it to the door, his father must have been dropped on his head as a child because he forgets to shout "move away from the door big head I'm coming in with a big fuck off axe" so well you can guess what happens - No? Jesus, where did you go to school? He plunges the axe into his sons head killing him stone cold Austin!
Legend has it that 40 years later you can still hear Victor crying for his daddy in the woods, his soul trapped in the torment of that night forever.
So what makes this above average horror fare? Well it has a decent script for one, the performances are pretty believable and the cast is really enthusiastic and the fun they are having really shines through, also writer /director Green manages to turn some genres clichés on their head, and delivers some great genuine scares without just cranking the music up.
The flick hinges on Ben (Joel Moore) has has broken up with his girlfriend of 8 years and his buddies who have taken him to Mardi Gras to get laid and forget about it, (at this point I must stop and congratulate Green for setting his flick in New Orleans? Mardi Gras, as the titty count, well lets just say it exceeds all expectations, I lost count at 30 I asked my girlfriend to keep count also but she didn't so I apologise I can't give you the exact number, but a rough estimate is over 50.) This guy must have a seriously broken heart because instead of meaningless sex and beer he wants to go on a haunted boat ride his friends told him about from the previous year (it's never explained that this kid is mildly retarded but I heavily suspect he is), only one of his buddies is down to go with him Marcus (Deon Richmond) , when they get to the midnight tour they are joined by a wannabe porno director and two aspiring starlets (further upping the already heroic titty count) a fat man and his fatter wife, and a mysterious girl , oh did I mention the tour guide who is Asian but manages a pretty good African American accent?
Well you know what happens from here, boat gets stuck, they find Crowley, people die.
But oh how they die , now I don't know if this is considered as spoilers - (if you are a true horror nerd it probably is so look away now) but here are some various deaths on offer
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A fat lady has her head ripped in two, I mean actually ripped in two our hero Crowley grabs her top and bottom nashers and peels her like a potato
Someone has their head twisted right off
Arms , legs are yanked from sockets
People are impaled
And blood sprays
It spray a lot
So yes there is a lot of blood in this movie, the special effects are handled by John Carl Buechler and well he did a sterling job, because they are special . This is one of the bloodiest US flicks in recent memory, Robert Englund has a great cameo as a redneck near the start of the picture which kinda sets the tone for the rest of it, and Tony Todd has a franky bizarre cameo as a New Orleans tour operator which is hilarious and so scarily camp I wanted to pitch my tent on him and holiday their for a week. The direction is solid , and despite its obvious small budget Green gets everything he needs to on screen .
Here is a fucking huge spoiler the size of my mouth.
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The ending of the film is pure genius
And I am going to spoil it for you
Right now
I'm not kidding
I'll do this
Ok
I did warn you
Green kills every fucking character in the film!
Everyone
He admitted he has made it hard for himself to make the sequel!
The ending consists of two great nods to past movies, Friday The 13th and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It features a twist on the Jason jumping out of the water gag, and it does that weird cut to black from the last frame that is in Texas .
Things I didn't like, Marilyn Manson playing over the opening credits, didn't get it, didn't fit or work, there is a lull between finding the boat tour and people being murderised which was a little too long.
And some of the comedy is a little mishandled, but the actors just about pull it off and well it?s such a good throwback to the golden age of slasher flicks, you can't help feel they should get Green to remake/re-imagine the Friday franchise .
It's the kinda movie you need to see in a packed theatre with a bunch of people that want to have a good time, yes it's the gorehounds perfect Saturday night flick.
Green said it had just been picked up (although he wouldn't spill on who it was) and should be in theatres this Halloween.
Over and out.
Destroy me in the talkbacks
HollywoodNightmares
Haddonfield, Illinois
