Hey folks, Harry here to introduce yet another of that scurvy man about Hollywood reviews... Joe Hallenbeck. That's right you hate him. And you folks over there... well ya love him. And them... those people yawning, they really don't give a excrement. But here, Joe is gonna be a happy boy, cause he saw a couple of worthwhile films. And that's all the kibbles and bits this pitbull reviewer needs to stop foaming at the mouth and waving his big bad bat around, or so you would think. I love both of these films, well Joe... He's a dog that just needs to be put down. Old Yeller style. He took on the wolves, but now he's just plain mean. Or he just has a different opinion. Awww heck, it's his right to be a foaming insane beast monster. So what if he thought the two films boring, Joe just needs to calm down and stop playing with his privates long enough to focus. Hahahahahaha! Boy am I gonna get an earful from Joe about this intro. Screw em. On to Joe and his look at Apt Pupil and Gods & Monsters... Someday I'll forgive his blasphemy... (just in case you didn't know, this was written with a wink and a smile you turd blossums)
There are a few things I know that are certain in life:
1. I'll never like a Woody Allen Film.
2. After the death of Bea Arthur, an autopsy will be performed and the World will finally know what I have believed to be true all along - SHE WAS A MAN, BABY!
3. Sir Ian McKellen will walk away with an Oscar Nom this year for one of his two Brilliant Performances.
The latter will be the topic of my next rant and rave(#2 will be dealt with after my lawyers look into some "legalities" dealing with "Slander").
Many have known for years that Sir Ian is one of the finest "Classically" trained actors working today. I can't say I've been a fan of his work, but what I have seen of it has always impressed me. This year, Sir Ian will join the ranks of another aging Englishman who finally paid his dues and has become a fav amongst the "Commoners" and Casting Directors. That Master Thespian being Sir Anthony Hopkins. True, he has been around for quite some time, but it wasn't until his spellbinding performance as that incarcerated, canibilistic Shrink that the "People" finally took notice. The mere mention of his name sends an Average Joe into a frenzy. Now, everyone knows what an incredible actor Sir Anthony is. Come next year, everyone will know the same is true for Sir Ian. Don't jump to any conclusions here, I'm not saying either of his 2 movies will be as successful or as popular as Silence(as a matter of fact, they won't even be close). I do know, however, this man's name will be on the lips of those pesky casting directors in the very near future. He just won't be another, "Great Shakespearian Actor" whose artistry can't cross over to a mainstream Film.
Sir Ian's performances in GODS AND MONSTERS and APT PUPIL couldn't be any more different. In one film he plays a power-hungry, nihilistic, control-freak monster and in the other he plays a Nazi. The care and restraint he puts behind each performance shows that this man is a master of his craft.
GODS AND MONSTERS
THE PLOT - James Whales(as you better know!) was, of course, the man behind some of the finest films ever made. His touch brought a certain dignity to the horror films of yore. What could've turned out to be pure Hollywood mindless crap(like most of today's films) became scary, metaphorical "boogie" Flicks that had a message. There was a certain "Class" about these movies...as there was about their Director. While the movie has a few occasional flashbacks dealing with his past, what it mainly concerns itself with is his quasi-homosexual relationship with his Heterosexual Gardener(Brendan Fraser).
THE DIRECTING - pardon my ignorance, but for the life of me I cannot recall who wrote and directed this film(I punish myself later by seeing Holy Man again...The Horror. The Horror.). Names aside, I'd just like to say this chap did a mighty fine job with that camera. What could've been a mundane look into the lives of two strangers who become friends turned into a crafty "suspense" film of sorts. For some unknown reason this film reminded me of Silence of the Lambs. I guess one reason has to deal with the fact these two characters were swapping info about each other throughout the course of the film. Another reason has to do with the "look" of this film. It's almost Gothic...like one of Whales' films. It has this eerie feel to it. It's a full blown drama, but sometimes I felt like I was watching a creepy little horror film. Kudos to the director, cinematographer, and art director for making this film at least "look" more scary than what it really is.
THE WRITING - Trying to tell the story of a real life Film maker who just happens to lust after young boys can be a very tricky task. It takes a certain balance of melodrama, a love for movies and care for the human psyche to pull off such a feat. The screenwtiter, in this case, proves he is more than up the the task. However, that's not to say the film doesn't have faults. It's main fault is that it's pretty boring. I was fascinated by certain scenes and plot points in this movie, but as whole, I felt rather bored while watching it. This movie will have great difficulty finding an audience.
The one thing that will attract filmgoers(mainly) is Sir Ian himself. One scene in particular stands out in my head...a scene that was written magnificently. The "Bernard" story was absolutely riveting. His mere words conjured up images of War that were 1000 times more horrific than what I saw in Saving Private Ryan. When Ian's telling that story, I felt like I was in that foxhole wih him.
THE ACTING - damn impressive all around.
Sir Ian McKellen - what can I write about this gent that I haven't already written? He delivers a knock out performance that's as creepy as it is sympathetic. You feel for this "Monster"...this outcast. This character is a pervert, an artist, and a misfit all at once(sorta like me...except for the artist part). You feel for the guy, yet, if you were in Brendan situation, you would fear him as well. This is a very difficult character to bring to life. Most actors wouldn't take a role like this NOT because of it's homosexual overtones, but because of it's multi-faceted psychological underpinnings. Sir Ian not only took it, but he made this difficult character come to life brilliantly.
Brendan Fraser - first off, let me say I pretty much hate this guy all around. I find him to be as untalented and as vapid as Keanu Reeves. Correction -- I used to think that way. I don't know what happened here, but Brendan can finally act. He still annoys me to a certain degree(like Christian Slater), but like that wannabe JACK, Brendan is slowly coming around and learning the tricks of the trade(plus, I think he's been taking some acting classes). He's definitely not Acadmy Material here, but he managed, at least in my mind, to erase all those dreadul performances of yesteryear with his confused gardener role. With a couple more classes this gent might make the Hallenbeck grade afterall(ADVICE TO BRENDAN FROM THE MIGHTY ONE: Do a few more movies with actors like Sir Ian. Suck them dry of their acting skills. After that, put them to good use. And by all means, DON'T DO ANOTHER GEORGE FLICK!...unless they offer you eight figures and points.).
THE MUSIC - chalk up another fantastic brooding score to Carter Burwell's long list of fantastic brooding scores. I'm definitely picking this puppy up when it's released.
OVERALL - While fascinating and well-acted, I found this movie to be pretty boring at times. I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone who is not an avid movie buff. However, if you want to see one of the finest performances commited to screen this year, then, by all means, GO!!!
APT PUPIL:
As some of you may know I hold Bryan Singer's last film, THE USUAL SUSPECTS, in very high regard. As a matter of fact, come the end of next year, I'm pretty sure this incredible film will appear on my Top Ten Movies of the Decade List. The question now is, "Will APT PUPIL kick the cinematic ass that Suspects did?" I'm afraid that's a definite NO!!! Did I hate this film? -- No, but I was very disappointed with it.
THE PLOT - It's that old Boy Meets Escaped Nazi, Boy and Nazi form an uneasy friendship, then Nazi asks Boy to take care of his dirty work kinda stories. Like with Gods and Monsters, this story is also about the unusual friendship that forms between an old man and a curious, lonely boy. That, of course, is where the comparison stop. While Gods actually builds up to an interesting climax filled with suspense and a few messages, Apt peters out half way through and becomes a very boring piece of tripe.
THE DIRECTING - Bryan sure knows how to set the mood and develop his characters. Unfortunately, with Apt, nothing interesting happens to these two lost souls. What started out as an involving psychological thriller about pure evil turned into a really bad TV Movie of the week. I'll give Bryan credit -- he made it as creepy as he possibly could. It's just unfortunate the script wasn't better.
THE WRITING - I never read King's original Novelella, but I'm told it ends with a bang. I only wish the movie had more "umpfh" to it in those last few minutes. About 1 hour into this movie the film does a 180 and turns into pure shit. They build upon the psychotic factor of this impressionable boy, but the payoff they give us is as unsatisfying as the sex I had last night with my neighbor's cat. I was surprised they didn't play some lame-o Pop Song during the montage scene where Renfro is studying his ass off. I just wanted to scream out and ask the filmmaker's, why, IN STEVEN'S NAME, did they turn an incredibly facinating portrait of the depravity of the human mind into a fuckin after school special?!!! What were they thinking? This kid was being groomed into one psychotic SOB and they just have him say a few "threatening" words to a certain individual at the end of the movie. Ooo, I'm scared. The bad guys win and we don't give a fuck. There is absolutely nothing positive or remotely interesting one can extract from this movie. The movie remindid me of a roller coaster that goes nowhere...it's a great, suspenseful climb to the top, but once you get to the peak the damn track just levels off and goes straight foward to the end without encountering any kind of bumps or hills along the way.
And yes, people -- I got the movie. I understood the paper thin message the filmmakers were trying to convey, but I, like the majority of people who'll see this film, didn't like that message. When dealing with Nazi-ism, I personally don't want to see them win...let alone create new members to join their ranks.
THE ACTING - once again, top notch all around.
Sir Ian McKellen - Once again Sir Ian shows the world that he can act with the best of them. His chilling performance as the epitome of evil will send shivers down moviegoers spines. Yet, at the same time, this old chap is likable. You almost feel sorry for him when that little bastard Renfro blackmails this escaped Nazi into telling him horrific stories that took place in the Death Camps. It will be interesting to see if the Academy nominates Ian for a more flashy role of evil like this or for the misunderstood monster he portrayed in Gods and Monsters.
Brad Renfro - One word of advice from The Mighty One: DON'T FUCK UP YOUR CAREER!!! You are on the fast track to becoming a great actor. You're young, dumb, and full of cum. Don't let those last two descriptions get in the way of your artistry. Have fun, yes, but don't pull a Pheonix on us. After seeing you in this and last year's underrated flick, Telling Lies in America, you have proven to the Mighty One that you have some acting chops. Just Don't Fuck It Up!!!
THE MUSIC - John Ottman is the best of the new crop of composers(ie Rabin, Arnold, Mancina, Powell, Beltrami, Revell, etc...). His style and technique are always haunting and lyrical. I love this man's work! My God -- he even wrote an awesome score for a piece of shit, direct-to-video movie called INCOGNITO, for CHISSAKES!!! I can't wait to hear what he comes up with for THE X-MEN. I'm still pissed he wasn't nominated for Suspects. Let's just hope those Academy Bastards don't ignore him any more!
OVERALL - This is a March Movie: In like a Lion and out like a lamb. For a movie like this(particularly one that deals with such disturbing subject matter) that old saying should read the complete opposite. It's a shame, too. The filmmaker's really had everything going for them. Unfortunately, the magic just wasn't on the page.
So, geeks and geekettes, what has The Mighty Joe Hallenbeck taught ye all today?
1. Sir Ian McKellen is an incredible actor that will be recognized this year by the Academy for his spectacular performances in mediocre films.
2. One day, we'll all find out that Bea Arthur is a man.
And, most importantly:
3. Never say no to a sailor.
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
