HARRY'S 2006 LIVE OSCAR TALK!!

Hey folks, Harry here at the beginning of my OSCAR commentary. Right now I’m watching the live E! red carpet coverage… and one single thought has hit me. If there’s one thing that can make the nominated films seem totally hetero, it’s E!’s commentators. They’re just the most cartoonishly gay freakshow folks ever. I mean, this one guy got so damn excited about being locked in a room with George Clooney for a month… but then the same guy when faced with Keira Knightley … all he could talk about was her necklace and her hair. I would love it if somebody actually had like John Madden doing Red Carpet coverage… It’d be the funniest goddamn thing ever.

Anyway – I’m kicking this thing off – it’s 5 minutes to the Bahbah WahWah Special – and soon after it’ll be time for the Oscars. Till then get down with your predictions and your own commentary…. I’ll be updating live on here through the entire Oscar show… Enjoy!

Oops – guess I missed BahBah… Right now the ABC official Red Carpet folks are interviewing Keira and the actress from JUNEBUG. Now Dolly Parton, “All dressed up and some place ta goooo!” First world premiere I attended with BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS – I thought she was a god. Will Farrell, “I think with a guy like Jon Stewart, there’s a big part of him that just doesn’t care” – when asked what he thought Jon felt about the pressure of being nervous. 54 minutes to go…

Jessica Alba, fucking DROOL! James Cameron told me we have to cast her as the PRINCESS OF MARS. Does that mean he isn’t casting her in his two films? Hmmm… Naomi is showing off her outfit, and these ABC guys might have an ounce of testosterone. I like these little previews of the Oscar characters. Paul Giamatti – “I’m a very polite guy, I was brought up well.” “It’s the tops man, I feel good!” Did you ever get in the ring, “Nah, I’d get my ass kicked!” Heh. Paul kicks ass. Helena and Tim Burton. They have the same hair. Now they’re previewing Michelle Williams, and now it’s Heath and Michelle… Michelle is beautiful in that yellow brick road dress. Will and Jada – Jada saying that Will is a clown. Kong, Kong 33, Jungle Book, Every Which Way But Loose, shit they’r going way too quick… I can name all the monkey movies… Hey, I was in Monkey Bone. Greystoke fucking owns, Weismuller, Flying monkeys, Bonzo, Pet Dettective, … Fun. 43 minutes to go

Bathroom Break… I’m back and it’s Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock… They’re a couple? Hadn’t heard that. I really want to see SCANNER DARKLY dammit!!! Now it’s Leonard Maltin, Joel Siegel and Anne Thompson with their predictions on actors. Maltin says Terrence Howard was mesmerizing. Joel predicts Phillip Seymour Hoffman for CAPOTE… Anne feels it’s Phillip or Heath. GODDAMN IT! I want TERRENCE HOWARD TO WIN! Joel feels that Reese Witherspoon will win Actress… so did Anne. Leonard is going to Felicity Hoffman for TRANSAMERICA because Oscar likes to anoint a new star. I agree, though I’d love for Reese to win, that was an amazing performance. Dracula, Alex, Hannibal, Smith, Freddy, Jack, Norman, Damien, Exorcist, Joker, Hotep, Voldermort, damn these go fast, Anakin, scarecrow, Vader… that was really lame

31 minutes to go… Zhang Ziyi, Nicole – rowr! LOL, lady asked CLOONEY if he thought when he was on FACTS OF LIFE that he’d ever be here today. Well, I know certainly it taught him to take the good, take the bad, take them both and there ya have… the facts of life, “I’ll be the drunk in the back!” Now they’re previewing Terrence Howard – “he was human,” Terrence is there with his boy, that’s the fucking bomb! I love that! Damn, the dream come true will be when he gets back year after year where he raises and responds to the quality of work this film set for him. I love that. Jennifer Aniston has a gorgeous black dress. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe… Matt Dillon – while I didn’t care much for CRASH – his performance was pretty damn great. This lady, “fragile road of love” needs to be buried in a shallow unmarked grave. 22 minutes to go…

Felicity Huffman is so jazzed and the Desperate Housewives made her cry. CAPOTE is such a great film, and Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t really know Capote’s work prior to taking on the film, but then became obsessed. David Strathairn – my favorite role of his was SNEAKERS… and the cigarettes were pipe tobacco cigarettes. Jake Gyllenhaal there. Best Picture preview… Anne is predicting BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN… Leonard isn’t predicting. Joel thinks CRASH. I’d love it if MUNICH won. If somebody tackled those guys with the awards… they’d spoil it all. And we could all go home early. Wait, I am home, and you probably are too. That Salmon and caviar oscar statue was the bomb yo!

7:50 to go… Billy Bush is inside. John Williams behind Sid Ganis… Rachel Weisz was pretty amazing in THE CONSTANT GARDENER. Jamie Foxx being faced with a terrible interviewer. Jessica Alba, Sandra Bullock’s had pockets. Keira is who looks nicest. Now we’re getting ready to head in for the Oscars… The Academy Theater is Amazing looking. Bana is hoping for lots of blood spilt. Ok – Oscar pre-show is over… When we’re back from commercials it’s time!

Back to the Future, Close Encounters, Titanic, cool… T-rex makes the Tower of Pisa lean… This is a very cool opening with visual effects starting off the 78th annual Academy Awards! Coke, Mastercard, J.C. Pennys, GM… must get our sponsors out of the way.

The tent has Chris Rock and Billy Crystal, then Steve Martin, then Whoopi Goldberg, David Letterman, Mel Gibson… lol on the set of APOCALYTPO… Jon Stewart in bed with Halle Berry, then wakes up with George Clooney…. Now here’s Jon Stewart… enthusiastic applause… I predict genius. “Ladies, Gentlemen, Felicity…” “This is the first time many of you have voted for a winner.” “There are women here that can barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts!” Clooney’s double take was awesome!!! “Not all gay people are Cowboys, some are effete New York intellectuals” “I think I speak for all Jews when I say, I can’t wait to see what happens next” “Bjork couldn’t be here tonight, she was trying on her Oscar dress and was shot by Dick Cheney.” “An atheistic pleasuredome” LOL… Jon’s awesome! “I’ll have you spreadeagle on a wagon wheel” “Charlton Heston is cut looks like he’s been working out with 20 commandments!”

Nicole Kidman – SUPPORTING ACTOR -- George Clooney (SYRIANA) great role. Matt Dillon (CRASH) – wonderful role. Paul Giamatti (CINDERELLA MAN) – if he wins, it’s for about 20 other roles. Jake Gyllenhaal (BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN) if he wins it’ll signal a BROKEBACK sweep. William Hurt (HISTORY OF VIOLENCE) if he wins, God exists!

SUPPORTING ACTOR goes to: GEORGE CLOONEY for SYRIANA!!! Wow. Wow. So I’m not a winning director. Funny thing Sexiest man Alive 1997, Batman died in a car wreck… If we all wore batsuits. CLOONEY is the shit! I FUCKING LOVE GEORGE CLOONEY!!! I hope he has 2 more of these!

The Tom Hanks speech about length was pretty stupid, but speaking of… here’s BEN STILLER in a Green Lycra Suit. LOL. Spielberg “no it’s not…” Nominees… THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: LION THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE, KING KONG – go kong go kong go kong!, WAR OF THE WORLDS – really wonderful work there. But go Kong

VISUAL EFFECTS goes to: KING KONG!!! Joe Letteri, Richard Taylor and Chrstian Rivers and Brian. Thanked Andy Serkis and Peter Jackson…WETA wins another one, deservedly so…

Reese Witherspoon cames out to present BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Howl’s Moving Castle – love the film, breathtakingly imaginative. Corpse Bride – I’d love it if this won! Wallace & Gromit – I absolutely love this film too. Can’t go wrong this year…

And the winner for BEST ANIMATED FEATURE is: WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERERABBIT! 4th Oscar for Nick Parks they put bowties on their Oscars! AARDMAN rules again. “Cracking cheese Gromit!”

Naomi Watts introducing Dolly Parton singing TRAVELING THROUGH’ for TRANSAMERICA!!! Not really a fan of this song. But I have to say, I’m a fan of seeing Dolly Parton on stage singing, if only because she feels so very unHollywood, and yet she exemplifies someone with independent character and strength. Great personality! I’ll never forget meeting her at that Premiere at the Paramount theater when I was just a little kid. And she has the audience clapping along. Heh. I don’t know if I’ve seen the Oscar crowd do that before. Cool! Awesome.

Actually outro’ed with a MUNICH clip… the girl picking up the phone. I’ve never understood why we don’t get a ton of high profile film spots during the Oscars. These commercials suck.

”and that’s why I think scientology is great for not just this city but for all of America…”

The Wilson brothers, “Live Action Short film” awards - AUSREISSER (The Runaway, CASHBACK, SIDASTI BAERINN, OUR TIME IS UP, SIX SHOOTER.

LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM Oscar goes to SIX SHOOTER Martin McDonaugh! Very brief acceptance, classy Irish fella!

Chicken Little and that Mallard – ANIMATED SHORT FILM… BADGERED, THE MOON AND THE SON, THE MYSTERIOUS GEOGRAPHIC EXPLORATIONS OF…, 9, ONE MAN BAND… go 9 go 9

Animated Short Oscar goes to THE MOON AND THE SON! Dang it, really wanted 9 to win. Faith in hand drawn animation – AMEN!!! John Canemaker and Peg thanked Eli Wallach and John Turturro – must see THE MOON AND THE SON!

Jennifer Aniston comes out BEST COSTUMES: CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS, PRIDE AND THE PREJUDICE, WALK THE LINE…

And the winner for Best Costumes goes to: Colleen Atwood, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA. She won last time for CHICAGO. She thanked the people of Japan!

Russell Crowe is out to present a bit on Movie Biographies… I was going to type them all, but then I got carried away watching… I love ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL’s flick. AAAAAAACK! Wire Coathangers followed by Angora!!! Bonnie and Clyde. Jake LaMotta… Ali, Malcolm X, Patton – great movie, SPIRIT OF ST LOUIS one of my fave forever. PRIDE OF THE YANKEES! Oh shit, that’s sad. Gandhi!

Will and Steve… Will’s all beat up and so’s Steve. Oh shit, have to pee…

Bathroom Break -- KNB won! Yes! This is what happens when you present your make up at FANTASTIC FEST!!! Howard Berger won!!! Yes!!!! That’s great. Jon Stewart had his fingers cut off by KNB in THE FACULTY!!! Awesome! NARNIA won Make up!!!

Morgan Freeman to present for Supporting Actress. Amy Adams – JUNEBUG, Catherine Keener CAPONE, Frances McDormand NORTH COUNTRY, Rachel Weisz THE CONSTANT GARDENER – go Rachel!, Michelle Williams BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

And the winner for SUPPORTING ACTRESS is… YES! Rachel Weisz for THE CONSTANT GARDENER – It’s about time she got something – she’s just amazing. And how cool that a pregnant woman is getting an Award, don’t see that everytime out!

Outro with GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK – Great film, great scene. As I’m watching this night, I’m beginning to hope that it wins BEST PICTURE. That’d kick ass!

So far I have to say, I’ve really liked how the awards are going. Not the most obvious… spread out, no real sweep in sight.

Lauren Bacall… Badass… Oh – she’s going to be talking about Film Noir! She’s having a bit of trouble with the teleprompter, but is isn’t her thing… Every single one of these films in this montage is better than anything that’s being awarded this night, I’ll tell you that! Marlene was the hottest gypsy Mexican ever!!! Lana Turner… was a real femme fatale!!! D.O.A. Kiss of Death! Heh… I LOVE THESE MOVIES! Gilda!!! Peter Lorre, Dick Powell, Sterling Hayden, BACALL!

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY’s cheeks are sprinkled with GOD DUST! In fact I think her whole body is GOD DUSTED and I will sprinkle that body, again and again! “Shameful!”

Pimp – Sort of like an agent with a better hat!

Terrence Howard to present DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECTS: THE DEATH OF KEVIN CARTER, GOD SLEEPS IN RWANDA, THE MUSHROOM CLUB, A NOTE OF TRIUMPH.

Oscar goes to: A NOTE OF TRIUMPH THE GOLDEN AGE OF NORMAN CORWIN! And another hilarious Clooney look

Charlize Theron to present DOCUMENTARY FEATURES: Darwin’s Nightmare, ENRON, March of the Penguins, Murderball, Street Fight (not Bakshi)

Oscar goes to MARCH OF THE PENGUINS – safest possible choice! And they have stuffed Penguins they’re carrying.. And a whistle thank you from the Penguins.

Jennifer Lopez looking amazing… to present a look at CRASH.. and the song IN THE DEEP - ohhh… fire, heh heh, fire… Really don’t like this song, but I can not fucking wait to see what the staging for IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP is! Look Live Slow Motion!!! I bet that little girl was told if she moves she’s getting her leg broke.

Sandra Bullock & Keanu Reeves – that Speed couple to present ART DIRECTION: GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK great production design, HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE – gorgeous, KING KONG perfection… how the fuck you compare that to GOOD NIGHT. MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA and PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

and the Oscar goes to: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA - John Myhre and Gretchen Rau! Classy black backed note. Cool.

Samuel L Jackson talking about Hollywood’s ability to tackle the hardest of issues. God I love hearing him speak! Whoa – DAY AFTER TOMORROW? After ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN… Weird… GREEN BERETS? That wasn’t a hard hitting film. Great Dictator was. GENTLEMEN’S AGREEMENT… TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, Cuckoo… Bob McCay! PHILADELPHIA, INHERIT THE WIND is fucking brilliant, NETWORK!!! People wonder why I’m liberal… I’ve seen all of these. Norma, ON THE WATERFRONT, MR SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON, GRAPES OF WRATH, SCHINDLER… Great films they’ve made!

”and none of those issues were a problem again! “ – Jon Stewart

Sid Ganis (president of the academy) Mickey Rooney!!!

Salma Hayek – jesus she’s yummy beyond belief. I shared a scene with her and Jon Stewart. Itzhak Perlman is doing score selections… PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, MUNICH, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA… this is unfair… he’s making all the scores sound better than they were in the films. Heh. He’s just that good. THE CONSTANT GARDENER, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, Outstanding! Williams was impressed by his friend.

And the winner for SCORE goes to: GUSTAVO SANTAOLALLA for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Could this be the beginning of a trend? We’ll see!

Finger Synching.

Jake Gyllenhaal – they’re called epics… They’re really pushing seeing films on the bigscreen. Of Course if they were really serious… why don’t they start fucking re-releasing these films back on to the bigscreen. Instead we just see them here on the small screen. Hey I saw CLOSE ENCOUNTERS at DEVIL’S TOWER last year! Fucking special edition walkie talkie version of goddamn E.T.!!!!

Oscars salute to montages.

Jessica Alba and Eric Bana to present for SOUND MIXING: NARNIA, KING KONG, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, WALK THE LINE and WAR OF THE WORLDS (which I hope wins)

And the winner for best SOUND MIXING goes to: KING KONG. I’m happy about that, but I loved the sound in WAR OF THE WORLDS tremendously. But any award for Kong. And monkey chest beating! Awesome.

Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep (13 noms) – God – I could watch these two for hours. “The Popcorn they’ve been munching have turned into Peyote Buttons!” That’s the quote for the night! And all this talk about Robert Altman ticks me off that I am going to be missing his new film’s premiere cuz of the overlap of TEXAS FILMMAKER’S HALL OF FAME and SXSW. Show POPEYE! His best film! Fucking hypocrites! Where’s POPEYE?!?!?!?!

Altman – his strange Sand Castle metaphor was beautiful and haunting in the temporary beauty that it seems to indicate. That heart transplant bit was touching then funny… like many of Altman’s films!

M Night’s AMERICAN EXPRESS commercial is just bizarre, very weird!

Ludicris is coming out… IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP – I kinda can’t believe this staging. This is more exploitive than the film. This is exactly everything that film isn’t and Terrence Howard’s version is about 1000 times better. That pink outfit is outstanding. She so should have so been nominated for Supporting Actress!!!

Queen Latifah “now how did I manage to be out here for that number” -- BEST ORIGINAL SONG: CRASH “in the deep” – HUSTLE & FLOW and TRANSAMERiCA.

and the oscar goes to: IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP!!! YES!!!!!! That’s fucking awesome. HUSTLE & FLOW – Academy Award winner! Yes!!! That’s great! CUSSING!!! Wow. That’s just fucking great!!!

”You know I think it just got easier out here for a pimp” –“Dreidel off” – “Why are they the most excited people of the night, that’s how you accept an Oscar”

SOUND EDITING -- Jennifer Garner to present…KING KONG (go!) MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, WAR OF THE WORLDS (go!)

Oscar goes to the KING KONG (3 awards so far) – Mike Hopkins, Ethan Van Der Ryn!! I followed Mike on the production diaries. Ethan thanked the original sound designer for the original Kong!

George Clooney to present those that have passed on…. Teresa Wright, Pat Morita, Robert Newmyer, Dan Oherlihy, Vincent Schiavelli, JOE RANFT! , Moira Shearer, Fayard Nicholas, Joel Hirshhorn, Sandra Dee, John Fiedler, Anthony Franciocsac, Stu Linder, Barbara, Moustapha Akkad, Chris Penn, John Mills, Buzz Knudson, Simone Simon, Debra Hill, Onna White, Robert Schiffer, Guy Green, Brock Peters, Ernest Lehman, Shelley Winters, Anne Bancroft, John Box, Eddie Albert, Ismail Merchant, Robert Wise, Richard Pryor…

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM – will smith presenting… DON’T TELL (Italy) JOYEUX NOEL (france) PARADISE NOW ( Palestine) Sophie Scholl, TSOTSI

Oscar goes to TSOTSI of South Africa! Well Moriarty’s fave of last year won! Great acceptance, very emotional. Awesome!

Martin Scorsese 0 oscars, 3 6 Mafia - 1

Zhang Ziyi – Film Editing -- god she’s gorgeous, CINDERELLA MAN, THE CONSTANT GARDENER, CRASH, MUNICH (go) , WALK THE LINE!

Oscar goes to: CRASH – oh no…. no… no, don’t you dare win for anything else! Hughes Winborne!

Hillary Swank to present BEST ACTOR… Philip Seymour Hoffman CAPOTE (so damn good), Terrence Howard for HUSTLE & FLOW (god if you’re listening make him win!), Heath Leadger BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, Joaquin Phoenix WALK THE LINE (I’d be happy if he won too), David Straithairn GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK (Great performance) and the oscar goes to…

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN!!! He’s done so much great work for so long it is nice to see him win one. LOL, Van Morrison song, I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE… We’re at the party, eh Mom! AWESOME. He’s making me cry. Awesome!!! He completely deserves the award. Actually everyone in this category does!

John Travolta to present for Best Cinematography the nominees – BATMAN BEGINS, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, THE NEW WORLD…

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA Dion Beebe wins Best Cinematography! If nothing else that film was gorgeous. From production design to cinematography – it was just gorgeous.

Jamie Foxx – presents the nominees for BEST ACTRESS… Judi Dench, MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS, Charlize Theron, NORTH COUNTRY, Keira Knightley, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, Felicity Huffman, TRANSAMERICA, Reese Witherspoon, WALK THE LINE

and the oscar goes to: REESE WITHERSPOON – YES! An amazing performance! Loved her in that film. She’s so cute! And I loved her in this. And man she doesn’t want to stop talking. Where’s the guy with the violin to crash on her head? Heh.

Dustin Hoffman to present for Adapted Screenplay. The Nominees are … not announced cuz Dustin’s hamming. Nominees are: Brokeback Mountain, Capote, The Constant Gardener, A History of Violence and Munich.

and the oscar goes to: Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN! Let McMurtry talk! YES! See how much more eloquent Larry was! He rules!

Uma is there… whoa – bad eye makeup! Best Original Screenplay -- CRASH, GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK, MATCH POINT , THE SQUID AND THE WHALE, SYRIANA…

and the oscar goes to: CRASH – oh fuck. Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco. My problem with CRASH is, I just feel it’s good, not great. Though the film has great moments, there’s far more mediocre ones. You know?

Personally – I would have loved had MATCH POINT won that. Either that or GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK.

Tom Hanks presents best director to ANG LEE. For Best Directing. From Hulk to Best Director. Good job Ang!

Oddly enough – I had to go take a crap right before Jack Nicholson came out. I was shitting when CRASH was announced… somehow… completely appropriate Bah… Whatever. This is one of those winners that people won’t remember in half a year. “What won Best Picture last year?” -- “I can’t remember, I didn’t care for it.” Sigh