I am – Hercules!!

PART 4: ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY’S THEORY! A magazine writer named Jeff Jensen thinks he has all the answers to what’s going on with lost, and published his theories in the current edition of Entertainment Weekly (pages 14-15 of the issue with June Carter Witherspoon on the cover; go get it). Jensen has come up with an explanation I think works beautifully.

In a nutshell, Jensen believes the Dharma Initiative accidentally created a monster. A “potent disembodied being” (kinda like “The Ring’s” Samara Morgan, in my view).

According to Jensen’s theory, the radioactive corpse of a comic-book geek named Aaron is walled up in inside the hatch. (Yep, Aaron - same name as Claire’s baby, and for a reason!)

The numbers – 4 8 15 16 23 42 – don’t mean anything, suggests Jensen, who further theorizes they might have been chosen because they correspond to retired Yankee jerseys, and whoever picked them was just a big baseball fan.

Anyway, about 35 years ago Dharma made nerdy Aaron the subject of a psychology experiment. It stuck him in the hatch and told him to type the numbers every 108 minutes or something very bad would happen.

It turns out something bad happened anyway. “The problem was that extreme stress on the subject in the hatch combined with the electromagnetic energy down there to jar loose some suppressed psychic powers,” suggests Jensen. In one “explosive moment, the once meaningless digits were encoded with devilish life.”

The ghost of That ‘70s Aaron is now so crazy and powerful he somehow types “4 8 15 16 23 42” into the fabric of reality, which is why those numbers are now everywhere we look. He’s also powerful enough to strand people from all over the world on Dharma Island, where they will serve Aaron’s purposes.

One of those purposes involves Claire’s Aaron. The article goes on to explain that purpose, and how Walt and The Others fit into the picture.

PART 8: J.J.’S RETURN?? Somebody just slipped me a not-yet-published interview “Lost” co-creator J.J. Abrams did to promote “Mission: Impossible III.” (Just to be clear, I’m NOT talking about the J.J. interview Harry Knowles did for Penthouse.) It got me incredibly excited to see “M:I III” in May but also offered this: “I’d love to become more involved in “Lost” next year — which, in many ways, would be almost anything, given how time-consuming the movie’s been," said Abrams. "I’m incredibly grateful to Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for running the show this year and doing such a great job. But I’d love to direct an episode. I miss those guys like crazy.” If Abrams does direct a third-season episode, it’ll be the first installment he’s directed since the show’s jaw-dropping pilot.

PART 15: EMAIL FROM DAMON! Speaking of the good Mr. Lindelof, I got very drunk during last week’s repeat of the still unbelievably great two-hour “Lost” pilot and drunkenly emailed him with the suggestion that perhaps maybe the flashbacks had served their purpose and should be eliminated or scaled back next season. As I say, very drunk. When Damon wrote back, he noted he’s long known of my “anti-flashbackian” leanings – but insisted the flashbacks ain’t going nowhere. He offered many good reasons, including this: “The ability for the audience to leave the island is nothing short of critical to the stories I want to tell.”

PART 16: DAMON’S FUNNYBOOK! Lindelof has written a comic-book series titled “Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk” and – to judge by the first two issues - it’s one of the best going: funny, disarming, fast-paced and swimming with cool. If you like the world-class stuff Warren Ellis (“Ultimate Extinction”), Mark Millar (“The Ultimates 2”), Grant Morrison (“All-Star Superman”) and Joss Whedon (“Astonishing X-Men”) have been cranking out, you might want to give it a gander. (And though it’s an almost shockingly worthy sequel to Millar’s original “The Ultimates” series, you don’t have to read “The Ultimates” - or anything else, really - to love it.)

PART 23: SPOILERS FOR TONIGHT! Invisotext on! Zeke’s back, and so is Ethan Rom!! A mysterious teen turns up, and it turns out she might be Danielle Rousseau’s daughter!! Jack and Locke continue to babysit Captured Guy. And Claire (tonight’s 2.15, “Maternity Leave,” is Claire-centric) starts to remember what happened when she was kidnapped last season!!

PART 42: SPOILERS BEYOND TONIGHT! Invisotext on! “The Whole Truth” (2.16) is Jin/Sun-centric and delves into a Korean love triangle. “Lockdown” (2.17) is Locke-centric and will feature a kindly priest. 2.18 is Hurley-centric and will look more closely at Hugo’s stint in the mental institution. And we may learn why Libby seems so familiar to young Mr. Reyes.

9 p.m. Wednesday. ABC.

What book about Stanley Kubrick could possibly be worth $200? How about The Kubrick Archives??

The extra-cheap “Buffy” slimsets (all the episodes and extras at a fraction of the price) ship May 30!!

“Buffy” pricing if you must have your season-sets now:
$29.99 The Complete First Season
$44.99 The Complete Second Season
$44.99 The Complete Third Season
$44.99 The Complete Fourth Season
$44.99 The Complete Fifth Season
$44.99 The Complete Sixth Season
$39.96 The Complete Seventh Season

“Buffy” pricing if you can order now but wait three and a half months for delivery:
$27.99 The Complete First Season
$27.99 The Complete Second Season
$27.99 The Complete Third Season
$27.99 The Complete Fourth Season
$27.99 The Complete Fifth Season
$27.99 The Complete Sixth Season
$27.99 The Complete Seventh Season