Michael Bay / 11th FRIDAY THE 13th Film? Too good to be true...
Published at: Feb. 14, 2006, 5:30 a.m. CST by staff
Hey folks, Harry here... in a better world, I would be reporting that Michael Bay was going to make a $165 million dollar FRIDAY THE 13TH film that was going to be Hard R and utterly fucking insane. I don't know why I would want a $165 million dollar FRIDAY THE 13th film by Michael Bay... but wait, I do know why. Because at that budget, he could pay to get Kate Beckinsale, Keira Knightley, Liv Tyler, Scarlet Johansson and at least a half dozen more of the hottest gals in Hollywood to not only get naked for Jason, but be meat for the grinder. It would have Ben Affleck as a camp counseler and Dakota Fanning as the spunky kid sister that gets beheaded on reel 2. It would also have Bruce Willis as the father of one of the girls that's been waiting out in the woods for Jason to return... to Crystal Lake... and that lake would have been the migratory hangout for Nessie, that was visiting the young Scottish girl all grown up, Keira Knightley... Jason would kill both of them in a sequence that would reveal 29,000 separate cuts and would completely cause 1/3rd of all audiences to develop epileptic fits. It would rule.
Like I said, I wish that was the movie, but instead PLATINUM DUNES - the horror label that's put out remakes of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, AMITYVILLE HORROR and the upcoming Chainsaw prequel... well Michael's horror remake label, still haven't seen an original vision out of that group yet, but I hear it's coming. What this means is the two great guys in charge of PLATINUM DUNES will be getting a slightly above average cast for a JASON film, I bet and the film will look sharp as hell. I just hope it's balls out awesome. We'll find out more later, but Variety scooped it. The film will apparently focus on the Vorhees origins. Heh. Enjoy!