I am – Hercules!!
David Goyer, who wrote all three “Blade” movies and directed the last one, hopes to bring the character to (appropriately enough) the channel called Spike!
The busy Goyer is also teamed with Brannon Braga on CBS’ “Threshold” and had a hand in the screenplay for for Christopher Nolan’s “Batman Begins.” First-time spy “Tickle Biscuit” has read most of the pilot script. Here’s his review:
Long time reader, first time caller. Had the opportunity to read the first 90 or so pages of the Blade TV series 2-hour pilot and thought I'd chip in my 2 cents. I figure this show is probably going to run pretty high on the fanboy radar, so I might as well ruin it for them now. I'm doing in FAQ style, in tribute of course,
1) So who wrote it?
David Goyer (All the Blade movies) & Geoff Johns (DC
Comics guru).
2) What's it about?
A young inner-city youth learns to escape the harsh
reality of his daily life through interpretive dance.
3) What's it really about?
A badass black guy named Blade who kills vampires.
Duh. If you've seen the movies, or read the back of
the DVD box, you'll know all you need to.
4) Is this a sequel, a prequel, what's going on?
Sequel. Think "My Big Fat Greek Life", but with Blade.
All the movie stuff in in here. Familiars, those funky
tatoos, UV weaponry. Of course we go through all the
motions of catching people up who somehow missed the
flicks. The movies are referenced pretty heavily too
for the fans. It starts shortly after the third movie.
5) Weren't all the vampires wiped out at the end of
Blade: Trinity?
I don't remember. Maybe. But I guess not.
6) Story, please.
As we start, Blade's flying solo (Jessica Biel and
Ryan Reynolds characters are dismissed with a line -
She's in Cairo, He's in Ethopia - having their own
wacky spin-off adventures). We start with Blade
beating up some Canadian vampires in Montreal (where
I'm guessing this thing is going to be filmed) who
give him a lead on some bad doins' with The House of
Chton in Blade's old neighborhood, Detroit. He sets up
shop with one of Whistler's proteges in an abandoned
department store, and then it's time to hunt.
7) Sounds cool. What's wrong?
Blade is cool. He slices, he dices, he delivers witty
banter. He tortures a tattoo artist by writing the
letters of the alphabet onto his back. And to prove
he's still a softy, he adopts a wounded stray dog.
Awwww. What's not to love? I don't know, how about the
fact that Blade gets maybe 25 percent of the screen
time?
8) Huh?
Meet Krista. Late 20s, recently dishonorably
discharged from the U.S. Army, just in time to
investigate the death of her twin brother, a Familiar
(wannabe vampire) who was working for the House of
Chton. The course of her investigation will lead her
to one of Detroit's wealthiest land developers, who
has a strange aversion to sunlight...(hmmm, what could
that be about?) She's a strong, tough, twenty-first
century woman and yeah, she's pretty much the main
character of the show.
9) Bottom line --
I don't want to spoil too much, because that's no fun.
Overall, the stuff with Blade is fun. It's also made
clear that Goyer and Johns are looking to push the
boundaries of violence on cable TV. Knee-capping,
bone-breaking, and lots of slicing. And who knew it?
Blade can crack wise with the best of them. But like
the movies, that's all he's gonna do. There's an
all-too brief flashback of Blade as a child, but
otherwise we get the same one-note character we always
got. And rather than decide to develop that character,
Goyer and Johns give us Krista.
The plot itself is the usual gothic vampire/bad
science scenario with ancient Indian vampire gods, and
hey, did you know if snort vampire ash, you
temporarily get vampire powers? Well, you do. But you
shouldn't.
Having only read the first three-quarters of the script, it's not clear how this is going to work on a series. Most of the story seems like it's going to be wrapped up by the end of the pilot, and for there, who knows? Maybe they'll retool it and Blade will end up living in an apartment next to Freddie Prinze Jr. and they'll become pastry chefs. Probably not, though.
Casting? I have no idea. But this character is the Snipes character, and I doubt he's involve beyond cashing residuals, the best we're going to get is a guy doing a Snipes impression. I'm a pudgy twenty-something white guy, so I'll probably miss the auditions.
Since this is one of those backdoor pilots that will be shown regardless of whether the series gets picked up or not, you can look for this one sometime next year.
Herc, Blade may be badass, but when it comes down to it, he's no Angel.
for just $129.99!! That’s like all 144 hours for – what? – 90 cents per hour!! A better Christmukkah gift is unimaginable!!!
