Hey folks, Harry here with a review from "Ben" of the remake of THE FOG. I've been anxiously awaiting word on this film. It's interesting that this reviewer wanted to hate this film, but in the end couldn't... and actually came away saying that it was pretty good. That's a good sign. Right now, I'm watching Carpenter's original - which is a film I love even though probably more than any other film of his, it shows it's age and budget. But damn it. Barbeau, Jamie, Janet and Houseman just flat out rule. And Carpenter's score and the sound design is spine-tingly. A little film that did quite a good job. I'm hoping this is a film that does quite a bit more. Been awfully quiet on this new version so far.
Hi Harry. I love you man.
Saw a screening of the Fog tonight. Here’s a shocker…
Didn’t hate it.
Actually, I should give more credit. I expected to hate this movie. I wanted to hate this movie. It was pretty good. Better-if you give hottie cred for blonde from Lost and SELMA.
While I’m at it, Let’s be honest. SELMA is too good for this stuff, but once you make out with Buffy you’ve got to prove yourself worthy. How long does that take? I’ll let you know. But SELMA was really great, a welcome distraction from the “acting” of blond from Lost and Supermodel.
Okay, legit review time. The Fog was pretty good. A 6, maybe 7 out of 10, which is worthy of acknowledgment given the crap we’ve been choked with for the last year. It makes House of Wax look like another Paris home vid, and it doesn’t take itself too seriously like, oh, every damn Japanese remake. Why does the vulnerable but very hot girl hang out with the dead bodies? Cause it’s a movie, and it’s creepy. Why does same girl do every stupid thing she does? Cause it’s a movie, and it’s funny to watch her be stupid. We all like to talk at the screen when we see these kinda movies, and happily we’re given lots of chances here. In this instance we also get a good scare or 15, and most impressively the scares don’t come when you expect them to. Whoever shot the movie (yes I’m too lazy to look up names) did a fucking bang up job, and he made SELMA look sooo hot. Blondie looked blonde, and damn she’s hot too when she’s not speaking. Overall the acting was missing something, namely acting, but if you forgive the performances, which were not good, you’re gonna get scared. Nuff said. The movie has lots of off-frame movement/hand-on-the-shoulder/silence-then-loud-noise/violin scares. There’s also ample story, which only occasionally gets in the way.
The story, in case you’re too cheap to rent the vid, goes like thus. A 100 years ago these guys on Antonio Island, Ore. (people actually live in Oregon?) killed a bunch of lepers and stole all their cash. The lepers burned to death. Horrible. Antonio Island meanwhile, CACHING. Built them a town. But the ghosts of the lepers ain’t happy, and yes, they’re back to kill the descendants of those who killed them. How radically convenient, then, that our core of main characters (Supermodel, blonde from Lost, People Over 30 that I don’t care about, and SELMA) are-if you can believe it-descended from the guys who betrayed the lepers. Yawn. But if you forgive the very recycled plot, which was flawed the first time when it was called THE FOG, this movie actually improves upon its template. That’s rare. The scares are more numerous and scattered evenly throughout a movie that (for once) doesn’t run too long. Theres also a connection that was missing in the original film. SELMA gets to leave the lighthouse. And gets wet. She’s actually active, and wearing black leather. She and Tom Welling have “a past” which doesn’t pay off as suggested but makes for a nice we’re-all-in-this-together hatch-battening climax.
Like most horror movies pretending to have a plot, The Fog gets really lost in the first 15 minutes. Lots of people are talking. Oh, and there’s a lighthouse. We get back story, character, and timelines ga-fucken-lore, and a few funny spoken lines that aren’t given the time they deserve. The screenplay is typical but organizes well the massive and oft-unnecessary back story throughout the movie. It’s also smartly written most of the time and doesn’t dumb down the scenes. The movie doesn’t waste your time. It doesn’t linger like the original. It sets up, cashes in, moves on.
Surprisingly it was more “The Blonde From Lost Show” than anything else, with Tom Welling and SELMA book ending her and providing a welcome break from glassy-eyed taught-jawed stares. Blond from Lost was hot, IS hot, and gets wet (twice!), but this will be her only feature. Guaranteed. She’s distracting not just as eye candy but in her blatant inability to be in the moment. She’s like Mischa Barton. Soo pretty, except when she talks or moves in any way. SELMA was fantastic, maybe just a smidge wooden in her last scene. No jest, friends. She was damn good, and one fiiiine looken mama. Tom Welling was just-fine. I mean, he was okay. Supersized Smallvillian but okay. He may actually find a niche out there. (I hear Freddie P. is doing TV now, so there must be 8 Julia Stiles movies on the shelf just waiting for a forgettable hunk like him.) He’s got more chemistry with SELMA than Blonde, but you believe that he and Maggie (huh, she DOES have a name) have “a past,” if for no other reason than -we are told they have a past. And before we ask too many questions they get naked and showery. It’s PG-13 but still hot.
Now for my sour grapes. Er, grape. The ending kinda sucked. If you’re the kind to roll your eyes and move on you probably won’t mind, but I wasn’t a fan. It just didn’t fit. But, again, to be fair, as I strive to be, if you can get over this, you’ll be happy with your ten bucks spent.
So here’s my summation. The Fog is, believe it or not, a scary movie with hot women and a nice look to it. I was pleasantly surprised, which is quite rare. But the flick does hold up, and in so doing not only does the original justice but makes a weak soup better. This Fog has more fright, more cool scenes, passable special effects, and breasts that weren’t store bought. If you love Selma Blair this is the best movie of 2005. If you like her as a friend it’s just a good movie. If your indifferent it’s still worth your time.
