Ok folks, here’s a Hallenbeck birthday present to Jerry Bruckheimer. Hallenbeck is an evil heartless soul that... well can’t help but tell the truth as he sees it even on a man’s birthday. I whole heartedly reccommend not reading this today, if your birthday is today. Read it... tomorrow. Joe doesn’t rip it to shreds, he doesn’t grab his mighty bat, but he does discuss the problems as he saw it with the film and made recommendations. Of course, I often disagree with Joe. Will this film be one of those, or one of those where I completely yell and scream about Joe’s lack of a mentality. I don’t know. Haven’t seen the film yet. I can tell you this, Joe called me up and in tears began weeping that he had to give this a bad review. He loves Bruckheimer and Tony Scott. He says the world is a sad place for him, because this movie didn’t rock his world. OF COURSE this is a test screening, and the final print could be different. And others have felt differently. But this just goes to show you, that them NRG numbers don’t always speak for the individual. Here ya go....
Before I get to my review of ENEMY OF THE STATE, I'd like to extend a hearty Hallenbeck Congratulations to Jackie for kickin' some American BO Butt this past weekend. The good news is, Jackie is finally a bonafide star here in the States(of course, to us fans, he always has been). The bad news is, Chris Tucker's career will benifit immensely from this movie's success. Tucker is a 3rd rate Eddie Murphy with one goddamn annoying voice. He's slightly amusing in a "nails-on-the-chalkboard" kinda way. I can name at least three scenes in that movie that Eddie did way better as Axle Foley in BHC...I was waiting for Tucker to say he's from Buffalo in the begining of the flick when his bust was going down. Well, I guess you win some and you lose some.
Today, as most of you DON'T know, is Mr. Bruckheimer's B-Day. Jerry(along with his partner Mr. Simpson...may he rest in peace) has produced some major Uber-Fuckin-Cool flicks these past 2 Decades. In my twisted little mind, the Simpson/Bruckheimer scale of coolness ranges from the Uber-fuckin-Coolest(Beverly Hills Cop and The Rock) to the Uber-Fuckin' Lamest(Dangerous Minds and Days of the Thunder). Their other movies(some of which only Jerry played a part in) fall in between that range.
For those of you want to know the range, here you go:
Beverly Hills Cop
The Rock
Armageddon(Bruckheimer only)
Crimson Tide
Thief(Bruckheimer only)
Top Gun
Bad Boys
Beverly Hills Cop II
Flashdance
Con Air(Bruckheimer only)
Days of Thunder
Dangerous Minds
*Thief of Hearts need not apply*
You know a Bruckheimer film when you see one. They are loud, stylish, and always have hot chicks, nice hardware, and beefed-up hardbody, derring-do Heroes. The one thing that separates Bruckheimer from Joel "MY MAN" Silver is that Jerry's films have that certain GQ, slicked back hair, I'm too damn cool for the world, sweat dripping off my muscles attitude. Joel's works are more down to earth...more of the blue collar hero. His movies are in a world of their own, baby...AND I LOVE LIVING IN IT! That's not to say I wouldn't like to dwell in Mr. Bruckheimer's world. I'm always in the mood to do a sequel. Let's see how Jerry and his crew portray my badassness on the screen.
But enough about me. Today is Mr. Bruckeheimer's B-Day and I'm about to unwrap my gift to him. First, let me pull out the receipt because I know he'll want to return(or throw away) the gift I got him.
A few weeks back, Flunky Sidekick and myself hopped on the Lear and took a trip over to that Sundevil State, Arizona. Our objective for this trip was simple...See the test screening for ENEMY OF THE STATE. Mission Accomplished! Now, before I start o unwrap my review I just want to say this movie will make some bucks. It'll do at least $100 Million...maybe twenty or thrity more. It's a shame it'll pull in the big bucks because, quite frankly, this movie blew.
The Plot - High Tech, Big Brother, Conspiracy Theory, Paranoia via late 1990's. Will Smith bumps into old friend. Old friend slips Will a secret disc without Will's knowledge. Old friend gets killed. Bad Guys chase Will. Will doesn't know why. Gene saves his ass and tells him why. They try to beat the bad guys at their own game. Sound familiar? Good...thought so. Change the names to whomever and you've got the run-of-the-mill, cliched-riddled, high tech paranoia movie that they teach in Film Government Bad Guys 101.
"Paranoia...Paranoia...Everybody's coming to get me!" I love this sub-genre. Three Days of the Condor is a masterpiece. Parralax View, while dated and slow, is pretty damn good. Sneakers...KICK ASS! The Net and Pelican Brief....SHOOT ME, PLEASE!!! I can't believe I remember those last 2 flicks. Put me out of my misery?! (Remind self why you can't die right now: Episode One...Next May 21. After that, you may die.). Whew...close one.
Anyways, back to Enemy.
The Directing - Tony Scott, while the lesser of the Scott Bros, is a competent director. Hell, he directed me into the Film Hall of Shame... I mean Fame. I like the dude. He directed the uber-fuckin-cool Top Gun and Tarantino's best script, True Romance. The first 45 minutes of the Fan were pretty damn good...after that, I draw a blank. He directed Susan Sarandon in a lovely Lesbo scene in The Hunger and made fireworks appear under the ocean blue in Crimson Tide (I refuse to acknowlege Days of Thunder). All and all, Tony ain't no Billy Carter or Frank Stallone. He has a tendency of not showing the audience what the hell is happening during an action scene(ie ECU on actor's faces with shakey camera work), but he sure as hell knows how to work a fog and rain machine. The question that one must ask while watching Enemy is this; "Does he succeed in the Paranoia Dept.?"
Answer: Don't you think Cole Trickle's a cool name for a Race Car Driver? No...no it's not. Not once was I on the edge of my seat during this high tech game of hide and go seek. One reason why this movie fails to deliver the goods is quite simple: In this world of 90's High Tech, theres no way anyone can hide. It's a constant chase and it gets quite tedious after awhile. They'll always find you. The only thing you can do when they catch ya is to out smart them. Setting fire to a closet ain't a clever way to get out of a predicament.
The writing - Reason No. 2 why this movie sucks -- WE KNOW EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!!!! There are no surprises...no twists and turns. The red herrings are for Will Smith, not for us! We don't have to guess what's next because we've been told what's going to happen! Watch the first 5 minutes of the film and you'll know the whole story. Believe me when I say say this, THERE ARE NO TWISTS AND TURNS!!!! It's staright forward. We know everything within the first 5 minutes of the film. I'll keep repeating this until you get it into your head...NO TWISTS AND TURNS. A person with average intelligence can see this miles away. Everything is revealed in the first 5 minutes...after that it's one long, boring, pointless chase! Some simple minded folks will think the movie is intelligent because words like "EQIVICATIONS" a said every so often. That's not intelligence, that's called a Thesaurus!
The Subplots - thinner than a supermodel. Your reasoning behind THE MOB being invloved is ridiculous. Unfortunately, you can't cut out all that unneccessary shit in the beginning because, if you did, the ending wouldn't make sense!(BTW, Tony did a much better, coherent and logical standoff in True Romance, thank you very much!). Will's relationship with Lisa Bonet was somewhat involving, but had no payoff. His family was incidental. I say cut them out of the fuckin' pic! They don't come into play for at least 30 minutes into the movie and they seem to be unneccessary. They are never in danger. We, the audience, don't give a shit about them! If you want them in, then add a moment of danger with them, for chrissakes!
The acting - I'm lumping them all together:
Will, Gene, Jon Voight, and the rest of the Saved By the Bell Crew(BTW, the "This is just a Training Exercise" aspect of this teenage team of G-Men is really lame) all try to do their best with the shoddy material they have to work with. Hey, they got paid. That's the main thing.
The music - temp tracked with Zimmer and Gang's finest.
The Climax - this calls for a reshoot. You still have time. The climax you have is stupid, boring, and completely uninvolving. If you want to have Will with a family, then have them involved with this part of the film. Otherwise, they are just scenery.
Overall - "Enemy" falls right between Con Air and Days of Thunder on the Bruckheimer Scale O'Coolness. A massive disappointment from a man who is an idol of mine. My advice to him is this; "Don't try to make smart films. When you do, they turn out dumber than the ones you made that you knew were dumb."
The reason why Armageddon was good is because it knew what it was: "DUMB, FUN, and FULL OF CUM!" "Enemy" is a pathetic entry into the Paranoia, Conspiracy World of Film. A good script was needed and it wasn't there. Next time, don't have the script written by commitee. A single voice, especially with these kinds of movies, is all you really need.
Happy Birthday and T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
