Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a real negative review of Cameron Crowe's ELIZABETHTOWN. I have a feeling I won't feel the same way as this reviewer because the sugary endings he hates from Crowe's previous films I happen to really dig. I'm sure this review will mirror the views of the more cynical out there and I hope I completely disagree. But never let it be said we don't show both reactions to a flick!
Hey Harry,
Been reading your site for years and years and years. About every couple, I have a chance to send in something to you (There's Something About Mary, Halloween H20), but you've never published any of them so far.
Just wanted to chime in on the screening of "Elizabethtown" last night at Paramount Studios in L.A. For B.G., I have to say that I'm a little hit or miss when it comes to Cameron Crowe. On his best movies (Say Anything, Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous), I usually love them until it gets to the end and he fucks it up with a completely phony, sugary, bullshit ending--"You had me at hello," or the damn Rockstar visiting the kids house (hold while I wretch). I guess the reason Say Anything's ending worked is b/c it can't be that sweet--no matter what John Mahoney ends up in the slammer. I hate, hate, HATE "Singles."
So anyway, I went to the screening. I had hoped we'd be getting to see the re-edited version that Crowe's supposedly working on, but no one mentioned anything, and given the film's length (around 2 1/2 hrs), I doubt that there had been any editing.
There are some very good things in this film--Kirsten Dunst, who pulls off a very difficult role because she's asked to do so many phony, unbelievable things; the guy who played Jesse, the cousin, and a lot of the Chuck and Cindy stuff.
Unfortunately Orlando Bloom can't act. And when I say can't act, I mean he sucks...bad. The whole movie builds up to a scene where he is supposed to cry over his father's death. People mention it over and over again: "You'll cry soon." "Has he cried yet?" "When you cry, it'll be for days." So what happens when we finally get to the scene where he's dealing with his father's death, which it the whole point of the movie? They disguise it with a crap ass montage set to typical Cameron Crowe pop music. Not that I think it would have been a good film even if he HAD acted that moment well. It still would've been just a dude crying.
Susan Sarandon is also horribly misused here. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but at her beloved husband's funeral, what does she do? Oh nothing, just gets on stage and delivers a 20 minute stand-up comedy act. And it really is an act--a full-on take-the-mic-from-the-stand and wander the stage Seinfeld intro. Completely unbelievable.
So, in summation--all the things that seem whimsical in most Crowe films, just seem fake here. It's too long. Bloom sucks butthole. And it still manages the shitty sacharrine ending. That being said, it's probably not so bad that it will end up being a total bomb.
For another perspective, I went to the screening with my girlfriend, who is really the absolute target audience for this film. She laughed a lot throughout the whole thing, but the instant it was over, started complaining that it was too long and that there was stuff she didn't believe--Sarandon's standup, the map...
So there you go. If you use this, call me
Gatsby
