Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with MiraJeff who takes a stand on THE CHUMSCRUBBER that I totally disagree with. However, dealing with opinions there is no absolute right or absolute wrong (the notable exception being Uwe Boll... there is only one opinion there) and I believe there will be some of you who side with Mira. I'm just saying, as someone who has seen many low budget and film festival indies... I think I have a good handle on pretension. While I agree with the (not negative) statement that this film takes itself seriously (it's not chock full of fart jokes, that's for sure), I would not call it pretentious. But never say we don't show both sides of the fence! Here's MiraJeff's rant!
Hello AICN, MiraJeff here with a dissenting opinion of The Chumscrubber. A lot of really good things have been said about the film on this site. I read nearly every review sent in, including Moriarty, Quint’s, and Harry’s from SXSW, and they all got me really excited to see this movie. I even skipped my Wed. night dodgeball league to see this movie. I hustled into the New Line screening room 5 minutes late, fearing that it had started without me. I thanked God it hadn’t. The lights came down and the film started rolling and the audio clicked on and then I was treated to a delightful sequence of a California town being transformed into a video game. Little computer-generated houses popping up from a lawn made of ones and zeroes. We’re quickly introduced to Dean Stiffle (Jamie Bell) as he sneaks out of his house and away from his self-absorbed parents. He goes to visit his best friend Troy, the high school drug dealer. Dean goes to the pool house, which serves as Troy’s bedroom and… finds him swinging from a noose, hanging there dead, the lights on his sneakers still blinking. I thought wow, this movie is awesome. I can’t wait to see the rest of it. What’s going to happen? How’s he going to deal with it? Etc. Let me sum up the rest of this film in two words. Pretentious nonsense.
Stop the bitching and moaning right there. How could it be, you ask? How dare I, you scream? I dare you to go see this movie and tell me you found the experience enjoyable. I was fucking embarrassed that I took my friend to see this movie. This was a movie that felt so self-important and took itself so seriously, it disgusted me. Writer Zac Stanford and newbie director Arie Poser… ahem Posen, try to pull off a Donnie Darko/American Beauty feel and let me tell you something right now; This guy isn’t fit to be Richard Kelly’s toilet paper. Alan Ball has more creativity in a follicle of his pubic hair than this guy does. I realize I’m ripping on a first-time director whose film, really, is probably better than half the shit that clogs up the multiplex these days. But for a critically acclaimed indie, I found The Chumscrubber to be downright inexcusable.
Quint just went on and on about the performances in this film. I’ll give you my take on them. First off, none of these characters are particularly likable. The adult cast was especially disappointing, considering the level of talent who were willing to be in this film. Let’s begin with…
Jamie Bell… the saving grace of this movie. His performance was far and away the best in the film, and yes he did handle the dramatic scenes well. He’s an actor capable of real emotion as he’s shown before in Billy Elliot and Undertow, and here he has the perfect balance of angst and emptiness. While his performance may be comparable to Gyllenhaal’s in Donnie Darko, I don’t think he’s destined for stardom or studio roles like ol’ Jake is. And what was with that scene where he’s trashing his room? Awful.
Camilla Belle. I didn’t see The Ballad of Jack and Rose and I don’t know much about her but I do know this. She’s weird looking but in a way that makes me think the filmmakers wanted her to look weird. She reminded me of Eva Amurri in Saved!, except not as talented. She didn’t do it for me. The script for the When A Stranger Calls remake sucks and there’ll be nothing she can do to save it from utter mediocrity. Her character in this movie is a manipulative bitch with a couple cute one-liners who basically disappears in the second half of the film. She’s no Evan Rachel Wood and she’s certainly no Jena Malone.
Justin Chatwin is easily the most charismatic figure in the movie. He looks like Billy Joe Armstrong and he sneers like him too. There’s always more to a bully underneath the surface and Chatwin does do a good job of conveying this. However, I have no idea how The Bearded One saw this performance and went "Aha, now that’s Tom Cruise’s son!"
Lou Taylor Pucci’s character was kind of underwritten and quirky. The end of the film is his shining moment, but even still, he’s too much of Chatwin’s little bitch. I think Thumbsucker looks way better than this piece of shit. He looks like he could be a real indie darling if that one hits.
Rory Culkin goes to waste as Dean’s little brother. He’s relegated to sitting on the couch, playing The Chumscrubber video game, though he does play a significant role in the proceedings as the third act approaches. The film’s biggest find may be young Thomas Curtis, who Chatwin mistakes for Dean’s brother and kidnaps. He holds his own amongst the older, more experienced cast and looks just like Brawley Nolte from Ransom. Curtis seemed very mature for his age and won me over when the script allowed him to take front and center, like when his instrument is destroyed.
As for the adults… here we go.
Glenn Close takes a wonderfully wicked turn as a mother who can’t blame anyone but herself for her son’s untimely demise. She starts off Stepford and descends into an Annette Bening in American Beauty type character. Had to say, I hated the surreal scene where she’s tending to her garden inside of Dean’s bedroom. Too artsy-fartsy. Go back to The Shield, Cruella.
William Fichtner is kinda funny as Dean’s dad but his character is so one-note and career-obsessed, it’s like, we get the point already. He has a shit relationship with his kid because he psychoanalyzes Dean at every turn and to make matters worse, has a bottle of pills for every occasion. I’m normally a huge Fichtner fan but he isn’t given much to work with here. Same goes for Alison Janney, who has the most cliché scene in the film, which tries so hard to be a poignant moment. It involves her talking to her son Dean about reversing roles, with him being the parent and her being the trusting child. Come on, could this script try to be more indie-cool? And we get more of the same bullshit with…
Ralph Fiennes. He plays the mayor who’s about to get married in the midst of a mid-life crisis. He starts walking into swimming pools fully clothed and painting his house with dolphins. What the fuck? His only good scene is when he starts walking in a puddle of spilled wine. Fiennes is really doing his own thing here and for once, it doesn’t work. Trying too hard is putting it lightly.
Rita Wilson is funny in that her character is cartoonishly self-absorbed. Nearly every scene she’s in she’s holding a wine glass and her disinterest in life leads to her not even realizing her son is missing. She’s marrying Fiennes because he’s a powerful good-looking guy who she has completely whipped, and the scene where he finally gets his shit together and takes back the reigns in the relationship is one of the film’s best moments. Wilson is great as she hides behind her bedroom door begging him not to leave her.
Lauren Holly has a bit part as a wedding-dress maker/seller/whatever. Why is she in this movie? This role could have made some no-name actress so happy, and jump started her career. Instead, we’re like how did the chick from Dumb and Dumber wind up with a role that only has several lines? Why aren’t her and Rita Wilson reversed?
Carrie-Anne Moss is fun and sexy, breathing a fresh air into a movie that definitely needs it. She exudes confidence and sexuality and she is one of the more interesting, excitable MILFs to grace the screen in some time though her character needs more development. She should’ve brought Trinity’s leather costume to the shoot though.
John Heard is still stuck working with Culkins, and in a smaller role as the town sheriff, comes off likable. Jason Isaacs and Caroline Goodall round out the cast as Lou Taylor Pucci’s parents, and they might share the funniest scene in the film when they don’t believe the trouble that their darling son has gotten himself into. Not to mention, their house has a lot of clocks.
I’ve read the talkbacks carefully with regard to this film and people seem to have no clue what it’s about. The Chumscrubber is another film about suburban dysfunction. Kids who have no morals or values because everything they’ve been taught has been from adults whose own lives are ass-backwards. Everyone in this film is looking for escape. Happy pills, wine, thankless jobs, loveless marriages, hell even the kid who gets kidnapped is excited to be away from his oblivious parents because he can’t stand them anymore. The reason I felt compelled to write in with my take on the film is because it feels so acutely aware of itself and the message it wants its audience to go home with. The story turns don’t seem to come out of character development, but from the interconnected plot lines that are becoming a tired device in these types of movies. The tone of the film is so schizophrenic, I could never figure out what The Chumscrubber wanted to be. A serious indie comedy? An absurdist tragedy? The point of this rant is to keep people away from this movie. My AICN colleagues have made allusions to American Beauty and Donnie Darko. They think the Donnie Darko crowd will love this film. Let me tell you folks, I AM the Donnie Darko crowd and this film is not for me, you, us, or anybody we know. It’s a warning for adults to sit up and pay attention to their kids before they turn out as bat-shit crazy as their parents and neighbors.
Whatever, I’m done. The film is sure to divide audiences. Some will love it but I predict that once people get over the slumming, big-name cast, most will hate it. If you don’t believe me, then take your chances with this film. But if you’re really looking to take a risk, follow the lead of Brian Herzlinger, the lovable star of My Date With Drew, and go see his film. It’s charming, endearing, and can be seen as an allegory for any regular guy who’s had a crush on an unattainable girl. A brilliant comedy that would make a great double feature with Pretty Persuasion, a film I’ll be back to review later this week. ‘Til then, avoid The Chumscrubber at all costs.
