I am – Hercules!!
\The first words of Kathy Griffin’s hilarious Bravo stand-up special, “Kathy Griffin is … Not Nicole Kidman”:
“Are you ready for me to say some things so horrible I can NEVER take ‘em back? I can’t stand that asshole Ryan Seacrest and here’s why. Okay. Here’s the deal. I love The Idol. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t get him. He can’t sing, he can’t dance, he has no talent, when is he going to go away? But the thing that kills me about him is that he thinks he’s funny, and that’s really annoying to me.”
If you have no interest in what Griffin says next, I implore you. Do not watch Bravo Wednesday night. Do not troll in talkback. Nothing you say will change the immutable fact that Kathy Griffin rules your ass.
Kathy Griffin may be the funniest female stand-up on the planet. On the hour-long “Kidman” special, she has only three topics:
1) Having Seacrest tear Griffin’s top off in front of Ozzy Osbourne and Anna Nicole Smith during Dick Clark’s American Music Awards, and having Nelly’s posse comfort her.
2) Oprah, and specifically what happened when Barbra Streisand visited (“It was like a Mexican cock fight!”), and Oprah’s participation on “The 1623 Show.” With a digression on Tyra Banks on “America’s Next Top Model.”
3) Miss Gaiken. “He does interviews about how he just can’t find the right girl!”
If Ryan Seacrest, Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand or Clay Aiken bug you, even a little teensy bit, you may really kinda love this special.
It’s immediately followed by “My Life on the D-List,” the premiere of the best celebrity reality show I’ve ever seen, and ever hope to see. I knew I would love “D-List,” which follows Griffin around, Osbourne-style, because I saw Griffin on “Celebrity Mole,” and I could do little else but mutter, “Somebody needs to give Kathy Griffin her own ‘Osbournes’-style reality show.”
Kathy is really funny. Kathy is really smart. Kathy has a lot on her mind. Watch and tell me I’m wrong.
“The D-List”: 11 a.m. Wednesday. Bravo.
“Kathy Griffin is … Not Nicole Kidman”: 9 p.m. Wednesday. Bravo.
”Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”: 10 p.m. Wednesday. Bravo.
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