Sorry folks, I’m playing catch-up here… As you can imagine – my life is pretty darn full at the moment – and I’ve missed some screenings – and then didn’t have the time to write up others. So – I figured I’d catch up with quick reviews of three of the films I’ve seen recently – but never got around to writing up.

Let’s start with… THE ISLAND.

My reputation on Michael Bay films precedes me… I go against the popular-critical word on Bay’s films, meaning I really love most of them. The only Bay film that I just out and out dislike was PEARL HARBOR. Well, add to that… THE ISLAND.

How much of this is Bay’s fault?

To be honest, I’m not sure. We’re all familiar with Steven Spielberg’s abject phobia regarding making a mainstream R-rated film. He’s had it beaten into him that R-rated films won’t perform. But – THE ISLAND is an R-rated film… or rather it should be.

This isn’t a light hearted “fun” film for teens. The issues going on here are issues about older people. The idea of growing a clone of yourself to replace aging body parts… that’s really not on the minds of the average 13-22 year old. Those notions come in to the mindset of people in their 30’s and older.

Then you have the stars… Ewan and Scarlett – these are not teeny-bopper stars – these two are well known for their show all talents and adult dramas. Sure, Ewan has done great as Obi-Wan, but really – his fans want him in full on no-holds barred films. He’s an actor that I want to see in edgy material. Same with Scarlett… and in THE ISLAND – they pull back from the edge constantly. Be it their love scene or any of the action… none of it had the visceral punch that had this film been R-rated – it would have carried.

And their advertising campaign didn’t seem like a film for “teens”. They were selling it as a film about an early age retirement community. Their trailers gave away the twist, so as I sat there in the theater for the first 40 minutes, I couldn’t help but think how boring this part of the film was. Instead I was picking on the concept – knowing that this was all a façade. I couldn’t help but think… what idiot made this place CO-ED, if there’s only a dozen different memory plugs – and you let these people freely associate – how come they haven’t figured this out much earlier. I just felt that most of the production design reminded me of a far better film, THX 1138, only there… George had the balls to make the film R-rated, his cops kicked unholy ass – and in the recent special edition – hell… it even had a better chase scene than this.

The trailers point to a sex scene – and even the line, “Why haven’t we done this before?” and yet they’re surprised that families aren’t turning out for this film? Hell, you’ve got a line in your trailers that is advocating for early promiscuity… technically between a 3 year old and a 4 year old. And then if that did get you into the theater – there wasn’t anything more to the sex scene than what you got in the trailer.

Personally – I just felt the film was far to pedestrian to be a balls to the wall Michael Bay film. And the ending was just flat out flaccid. Is the film a waste? Not really… the personalities and the charisma of the actors was pretty solid – I just wish there was a helluva lot more to this story. Folks holding up LOGAN’S RUN, CLONUS EXPERIMENT and THX-1138 are absolutely right to… the problem is, those are far more original and entertaining films. This could have been the R-rated film of the summer. Instead it’s the PG-13 flop of the summer. Oh well. That’s what you get for aiming for a demographic instead of realizing a story’s potential.

Next….

THE BAD NEWS BEARS

I went to the Austin premiere of this with my nephew and dad. The audience was filled with the Bad News Bears kids in uniform and Richard Linklater. It showed at the grand ol theater… THE PARAMOUNT – very apt for the film in question.

What’d I think? Personally – I thought this film just underlines why being a kid from the 70’s ruled so much more than being one of today’s brats. In the seventies, you could hand a kid a beer to sip from and the first thing that popped into one’s mind wasn’t how abusive that was… but you’d see the kid scrunch up his nose cuz it tasted nasty… or he’d stick out his chest and drink it proudly. It was kinda adorable. The kids in the original BAD NEWS BEARS were from a permissive society where kids were wild untamed hellions. The cussing felt shocking, yet cute at the same time.

In the new film – I dare say there is far more cussing – but instead of cute – it comes across as excessive and mean. These kids aren’t wielding the words with an innocent glee of… HOLY SHIT, I CAN SAY SHIT! – but the cruel meanness of, I’M GONNA SMASH YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU ASSHOLE. And there’s a big difference there.

The other thing is… when you look at the original film, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think of those kids as playing a character… they simply are characters. Here, you get the idea that these kids are play-acting LIKE the BAD NEWS BEARS instead of actually BEING the Bad News Bears. You get what I’m saying?

This was particularly underlined in the post-film Q&A with Linklater and all the kids. After the film, they fielded questions from the audience – and quickly demonstrated more pure charisma, charm and character than they ever did in the actual film. And I think I get the problem here. BAD NEWS BEARS was a bit of a rush project for Rick and Paramount. From the time they cast the film till they were shooting was almost no time at all. So instead of working with these kids, finding their personalities and then tailoring the parts to their rather hilarious and unique personalities… it seems they instead forced the kids to bury their real personalities and try to become the good ol Bad News Bears.

That’s a huge mistake. Just watch this film and SCHOOL OF ROCK and you can see night and day differences in the quality of acting from the kids. BUT – these kids are not several degrees below those kids – it’s just – Rick had the time and the freedom to have those kids create characters from scratch – rather than the cookie cutter process of trying to reform them into something they are not. “But they’re actors” actually no they are not. Most of the kids in this group are 1st time performers – and I would have loved to have seen them defy expectations and be Bad News Bears for today… but even then… Kids today just aren’t as cool as when I was a kid. Ahem. Hehe…

Lastly…

THE DEVIL’S REJECTS

Holy Shit!

I never wrote a review for HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES. I programmed that film, sight unseen for BUTT-NUMB-A-THON 4. The night before it screened I talked to Rob Zombie on the phone for about an hour and I was thrilled by what he said he was attempting to do. He was saying he wanted to make a film rooted in the nitty gritty horror filmmaking of the seventies. The sort of horror that is just off the main road, the sort of horror that hits you when you’re on your innocent Sunday drive and you pull into hell for a fill-up.

When I announced the film – the audience went fucking nuts. They were primed for Rob Zombies filmmaking debut. You could feel the timbers of the theater quake with their enthusiasm. The first 20 minutes… oh man, it felt like we were really in for it. Then the rest happened. I hated the MTV film stock shifts for sheer extravagance. This wasn’t the reality of 70’s filmmaking – this was bullshit. The starkly original first 20 minutes took a U-turn for LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and did a half-ass job of it in my opinion. The audience turned ugly and – it was amongst the darkest times ever at BNAT. And for me – the single biggest disappointment as a programmer of a cool event.

That’s why… I missed the critic screening of THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. I felt burned. I didn’t want to suffer that much. Word came back that it was great. Obi-Swan flipped for it, but he was one of the crazies that really loved HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES… I didn’t necessarily trust his take on it. I still didn’t have the word of someone I trusted on this particular sub-genre of filmmaking.

Then everybody I knew saw it – and they went fucking nuts for it. So last Friday – Father Geek and I woke up early and checked out the first showing of it here in Austin. We had the theater to ourselves. Front row of an empty theater – still wiping sleepy out of our eyes when Rob Zombie slid the sheet metal door to the side and conked us both on the head with the sledgehammer. Holy shit that hurt!

This is not some slick retread of the 70s – elevated by production values and a great modern day cinematographer. This isn’t like KILL BILL or SIN CITY. This is brutality, cruelty and sadism unleashed – not with glee – but malice. This bleed ya slow and painful horror. And the casting is absolutely fantastic.

This doesn’t FEEL like any of the 70’s horror films in particular… rather – it is its own thing. And it is a dirty nasty mean unspeakable thing. And one helluva morning film. Jesus. You need a few more hours of your day before you see this, cuz straight out of dreamland – this is a granite wall of torment and hell to run into.

The filmmaking on display here is pure basics. You’re not gonna get any of that MTV shit here. This isn’t about astonishing impossible computer assisted shots. This is pure basic filmmaking at its most badass. Rob Zombie knocked this sucker clean out of the park. Absolutely fantastic.

Warning – this film is only for those that can handle excessive and no holds barred evil filmmaking. If you’re a cinematic pussy – don’t go. You’ll just piss your seat and stink up the theater. So if you’re a wimp – stay at home, Mommy wants you. However, if you like a bit of the ultra violence… then pull up a seat front and center. Rob is about to insert a boot up your ass!