I am – Hercules!!
"Family Guy Presents. Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story”
“streets,” as the kids say, on Sept. 27. Here’s “Tall Boy” with a review:
Well, the direct-to-DVD Family Guy movie, “Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story” has hit the torrent sites, so all those greasy movie pirates can get their hands on it. Not me, though. My copy was delivered to my door by the Stork. *ahem*
Off the top, I want to say I like Family Guy Season 4. Its great to see the show back on the air again, and I don’t think they’ve “lost it” or “FAMILY GUY SUXS NOW!” The only difference I can tell in the new episodes is that they try a single flat out “shock value” gag every week, as opposed to every few episodes like in Seasons 1 – 3. But, c’mon people, stop spreading the hate! We got Family Guy back on the air – the geeks won for once! Let us rejoice and caper and so forth.
Anyway, “Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story”. Right.
First thing’s first. This is rumour control and these are the facts:
1) The whole “Stewie goes on a road trip and discovers that he’s gay” rumour / plot thingie that was mentioned when the DVD was first announced – nope, not in here. Well, ok, there’s a bunch of subtexual stuff you can read into the 3rd act/episode about Stewie being gay, but its not explicitly stated - he doesn’t “out” himself and that’s not an element of the plot …. Was that rumour ever legit in the first place? Sheesh.
2) As for the hullabaloo about this DVD being Family Guy “UNLEASHED!” and “UNCENSORED!” – its fairly standard Family Guy stuff. Ok, they do drop a few F-bombs here and there - and by “here and there” I mean 2 in the first 50 minutes and then about a dozen more in the last 20. Its like they realized, “Damn, we can swear in this!” right at the end. To be fair, the 2nd F-bomb that is used is very funny . . . and people will accuse it of being stolen from “Anchorman”. Ah well. But if you were wishing / hoping for “South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut” levels of unleashed profanity, this isn’t it. Probably because that “Untold” will be aired on FOX eventually so they couldn’t just have full-on penetration shots or whatever sickos like you and me are looking for. However, if the biggest complaint about “Untold” is that there isn’t enough swearing in it, that ain’t much of a complaint at all.
Key to understanding “Untold” is that it is, aside from the (very funny) DVD premiere bookend scenes (totalling about 15+ minutes of screentime), it is basically a supersized 3-part episode of Family Guy. I mean that very literally; you can see where they would transition from one episode to another and the opening credits include writing stamp for “Part 1”, “Part 2”, “Part 3”. There are complete “B-plots” that are wrapped up in 20 minutes in the first 2 episodes. So if anyone is pissed at this, cry “RIP OFF!!” and let slip the dogs of Talkback. The disconnected feel of it is probably because “Untold” is going to air on FOX as a 3-parter. However, the individual episodes that make up “Untold” are a little longer than your average episode, so a whole bunch of stuff is going to have to be cut out.
The opening act / episode is about Stewie learning to swim which leads to a near-death experience after he tries to blow up the best swimmer in the class. The “B plot” in this episode is Peter getting a job as a talking head on Channel 5 Action News for the new “Grind My Gears” segment. There’s some real fun stuff if you love Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. (is it just me or is Diane’s rack getting bigger every season? Anyone? Nah, its probably me.) Peter’s antics aside, there is also a great bit when Stewie and Brain go out and get trashed at the Drunken Clam. Stewie singing “Suicide Is Painless” and seeing the two bicker over a game of Pac Man (“I’m not gonna get the fruit, there’s a ghost right there!!”) is a fun character moment between the duo. This all wraps up with a shocking revelation that leads to the next Act. (on TV, this’ll probably be followed by a subpar episode of “American Dad”. Joy.)
Act 2 / episode 2 is Stewie and Brian setting out to find a man whom Stewie believes is his real dad they hitch a ride with Quagmire on his “Cross Cuntry Tour” (no, that’s not a typo). Its basically another “Road to Rode Island” / “Road to Europe” episode. I really like those episodes, so I enjoyed it. (the opening credits of “Untold” recalls the opening credits of those 2 episodes – check out the blink-and-you’ll miss it Star Trek V reference) The “B-plot” of this segment is Lois and Peter teaching Meg and Chris how to hook up with the opposite sex. (“Meg, when you’re done with me, you’ll be beatin’ guys off with both hands!” Peter enthusiastically predicts.) But the real strength of this is, as always, seeing Stewie and Brian bounce off each other. Ah, odd couple pairings. God, I love the classics.
The best stuff is the 3rd act / episode, and I don’t want to spoil the twist that drives the episode. Besides, it’ll probably A) already been spoiled B) be spoiled in other reviews or C) will be spoiled in the Talkbacks anyway BY SOMEONE POSTING IN CAPITAL LETTERS!!! So just scroll down if you want to find out.
Now that I think about it, I may be too harsh on this whole “3-parter” thing because the main plot wraps up nicely, and even the dating b-plot from the previous episode are given an interesting twist. But it its rough to say it holds together as an entire “movie” – each act is structured as an episode so inside each episode there’s another 3 acts! It can get kind of aggravating if you’re thinking that hard, but it doesn’t shoot a hole in the plot or anything.
But, seriously, screw all that noise. This is Freakin’ Family Guy we’re talkin’ about here – what does plot matter? Honestly. We all know what the show is really about – randomness and small little crazy moments.
In an average episode of Family Guy there’s about 10 minutes of story and 12 minutes of just randomly bizarre, cutaway comedic non-sequiturs. And this is magnified times 3.5 over the course of “Untold”. Now, if you’ve chain watched Family Guy episodes after picking up the DVD sets (and I know you have. Yes, you.) this’ll be easy and fun to sit through. For the uninitiated, their heads might explode.
As for the cutaways / “Do you remember when” / “this is like the time” jokes, there’s a lot of good, solid geek references throughout: Superman and Wonder Woman, Thundercats, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for”, Steve Bartman, 2 Indiana Jones references, and more. These gags happen approximately every 30 seconds and some people will either love it or hate it.
To be fair, not all of these are just a sampling of pop culture references. For every Johnny Quest gag there’s another character based or bizarre situational cutaway / gag waiting immediately after that. So before more rants start up about, “Blah, blah, blah, stupid Family Guy is stupid because its just about stupid pop culture references, you stupids.” No, it’s not. Shut up.
For my money, the best jokes in the whole movie are 1) “This is even more disturbing than that cartoon is saw the other day” (I’ve been waiting to see something like that for years) 2) the scene when Stewie is all hopped up on pills he got at a truck stop (“The Pioneers, Brian! We share their spirits! Manifest destiny!!”) 3) Peter’s butchering of the Spider-Man theme song as he seduces Lois. 4) Wacky Wavy Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man! (“African American? Hail a cab!”) Oh, and there’s also a good gag involving Micheal Chiklis and a talking pair of testicles (this joke probably won’t make it to air on TV) And also the real funny Futurama/ Entertainment Weekly / neck breaking gag at the start of the movie. Really, I could sit here and rattle off a dozen different quickie gags, but you get the point, its all bizarre “Family Guy” randomness fun and the tally is higher on the “hits” than the “miss” scoreboard.
For Family Guy freaks, all whole bunch of minor characters pop up throughout – greased Up Deaf Guy, Randy Newman, Blackie Williams, Evil Monkey, Mayor Adam West, and others. But they never overpower the scenes; they just pop up, do their thing and take off. There’s at least 3 scenes of someone getting hurt and failing around on the ground in agony. No giant chicken fight gag, though. Sorry.
The voice actors (ie. Mostly Seth McFarlane) are all in top form. For some reason, I always laugh whenever Stewie starts yelling. Alex Borstien seems to really enjoy saying the word “Fuck”. I believe that Milia Klunis is starting to become much, much better at this whole voice acting thing. Maybe the time off did her good, but Meg seems to “pop” a lot more in Season 4 than she did in previously. And, yes, the continual, mean-spirited, random put-downs of her character continue unabated in “Untold”.
So the big $30.00 list-price question would be: is this worth your cash? For Family Guy geeks, fans and DVD completists, that’s a big yes. Sure, it’ll air for free on TV as a 3-parter (and probably on the eventual Season 4 DVD set), but they’ll have to hack it to iddy biddy bits to meet the airtime requirements. All of these random little moments will be chopped out and the smattering of “edgier” materiel will be gone. So just for little things that’ll be lost once “Untold” is churned through the Fox censor sanitizer, this is worth the purchase. Its as much fun as Family Guy can be and the flick is very rewatchable (I’ve watched it twice already today). As for people who would just be casually interested in it – wait for it to air on FOX and then pick up the DVD later on if you like what you see.
“Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story” pretty great all around for people who love the show. Just don’t expect anything too different. Its not “South Park: BLU” or anything, but it’s a decent set of episodes rolled together. Besides, I still want to see what special features they pack onto this bad boy when it’s released. Anyway, I better roll now. This “review” is dragging on too long and pointless, and the Stork is demanding to do perverse things to my body as payment for the DVD. Enjoy the flick/ 3 parter!
Either trollin’ in the AICN talkbacks, or standing in front of you @ a concert, I’m still:
Tall_Boy
PS – I am a plant on the FOX payroll.
Family Guy Presents. Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
