Published at: July 24, 2005, 4:22 a.m. CST by staff
Hey folks, Harry here... Living in Austin has many side benefits. Sweet as hell eye-candy around the U.T. campus area. Fucking balls out eclectic Music scene. Barton Springs and the tops optional policy there. Then there's the Film scene - with the Paramount Theater, Alamo Drafthouses, Austin Film Society and the Studios. And my god the food. Then we got a kickass College football team, the NCAA world champion Baseball team and the winningest coach in the history of the NCAA. Oh - And right now - arguably the greatest damn athlete of the modern era (and arguably all time). Oh - and I love the trees.
Right now in this town you can't go anywhere without seeing folks wearing those yellow bracelets that say LIVESTRONG - or banners or headlines, newstories and all that jazz. Movie Theaters here offer screens to watch the Tour De France in on the BIG SCREEN, Bars opening at dawn to catch the live feeds. You hear people talking about how he's genetically more advanced than 99% of the people on the planet Earth - and man... I'm so glad I'm not caught up in it. I've always had a notable phobia of Bicycles. Charlie Brown had his kites. With me, it was bicycles. I was worse on bicycles than our President. I'd get on one, and the next thing I know... there I was flipping over the handlebars. Wasn't any help that Mommie Dearest started me at the top of a giant hill that fed into 45th Street - traffic whizzing at the end like piranha in the Amazon River. I can remember 6 times going over the top of those handlebars and landing right on the left top most part of my forehead. We called the resulting spewing head wound an Easter Egg.... on account of how purty it was. Other than looking a bit like Rondo Hatton - Bogdanovich hadn't made that film of his yet. Sigh. It developed this notable twitch whenever I saw a bike. My friends were all into BMX bike stuff - I only stood and cowered in abject fear... knowing full well the humiliation that laid in wait upon those innocent enough looking wheels.
But enough of all this Lance stuff - what I'm here to discuss - is that when I was flipping channels and Father Geek made me stop on ESPN 2 - where they were discussing Lance and whether or not U.T.'s bio-engineering dept had a breakthrough - the made an aside about the Lance Armstrong Feature Film. Apparently - Lance has been talking to... MATT DAMON - you see, Matt is apparently a big biking enthusiasts (man obviously has a death wish) and Lance is pretty darn certain he wants Matt to starve himself... be put on the rack and stretched into a Triplets Of Belleville-esque looking stand-in for Lance - as they tell his rather insanely dramatic life story. They've been talking about it - and for now - that's all it is. BUT - it is a movie rumor - which gives me the excuse to not be caught up in all this stuff and just... um... say... GO LANCE GO!
