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Quint, JB and KG rock your socks off from the set of TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a tale to tell you. A tale that involved a seaman and his date with the greatest band in the world as they made the greatest movie in the world.

I'm a mega-massive-huge fan of TENACIOUS D and have been for years. Even though I first heard their CD in 2001, it still remains in my essential travel music. The shine hasn't worn off in 4 years, which is a damn impressive feat for any modern music, let alone that based on comedy. There's something more to the D's stuff than the funny. The music is well-performed and catchy as all hell and there's even some underlying satire, especially in CITY HALL, a song that is hilarious, but also underlines how good intentions can still lead you down the path that turns you into that which you are fighting against.

So, as I was out in San Diego, covering the Comic-Con, I bumped into the New Line publicists who told me that the Tenacious D movie was in its last week and that they wanted AICN to come visit. They first offered it to Moriarty, but that sucker ended up having already booked a trip to Canada during the time alloted for a visit, so instead of flying back to Austin after the Con ended, I jumped on a train going from San Diego to Los Angeles' Union Station.

So it was that I ended up down in Santa Monica, on the beach next to the pier, watching the Greatest Band in the world form thanks to the hand of destiny drawing two dynamic forces together for the very first time.

The day was bright and sunny and just what everybody think all of LA is all the time. Golden sand beaches, palm trees that reach to the bright blue sky... Good day for filming.

The scene has Kyle Gass (with a flowing mane of long hair, by the way) playing his guitar for a small crowd. He's kinda free-stylin' it and Jack sees him play, a look of wonder on his face. He edges into the crowd and applauds loudly when KG finishes.

"Hi, I'm JB. I just rolled into town..."

This is the forming of the D! Funnily enough, KG is a bit weirded out by Jack's enthusiasm... expressed like:

"Oh, my God! That's the best thing I've ever seen! Who are you?"

"My name's Kyle Gass..."

"Can you show me that thing you do?"

Jack begs to be taught to do the bridge that KG just did. KG tells him to step back and watch from the crowd.

"I don't give free lessons."

A little more playing and Jack's enthusiasm starts driving away the two or three people who were watching KG before JB came into the picture. Then Jack interrupts again, telling KG that he wants to start a band with him. KG is not interested at all. He's a one man show and:

"See this space right here? I need all this space to perform. I thought I told you to stay over there?"

KG starts to play again, but this time it's Bach's Bourrees in E minor. Tenacious D fans will recognize this from their song ROCK YOUR SOCKS (This is Bach/And it Rocks/It's a rock block of Bach/That he learned in a school/Called the school of hard knocks). Jack jumps in and jams with KG. JB has a guitar strapped to his back, but he uses only vocals and his trademark D mannerisms. I'll describe those after you get the lyrics. There were some bits I couldn't quite completely catch, so I put a ? next to those...

What's interesting about this song is instead of singing to the rhythm of Bach's Bourrees the whole time, Jack switches gears to Beethoven, then to Mozart. It's fuckin' hilarious. I suggest finding MP3s of Beethoven'sFur Elise and Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik... they're both super famous classical music numbers that you'll recognize immediately when you hear, but it really helps to know what the rhythm of the music is when reading the below (you can click on the titles above to hear a sample from Amazon... just scroll down and find the titles and preview the track).

Can't you see he's the man/Let me hear you applaud/He is more than a man/He's a shiny golden god
(He then shifts gears into Beethoven'sFur Elise)
If you think it's time to Fucking Rock/To fucking roll/Out of control
Well you know you've got to rock the block/A fuckin' sock/My fuckin' cock
'Cause when you rule/Something's cool/Oh lovely pool(?)/Oh lovely jewels (?)
'Cause if you think it's time to (high)/'Cause if you think it's time to (low)
If you think it's time to fucking roooo-ooockkkk...
(Shifts gears into Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik)
He/is going/to kick yer fucking ass
And/you know/his name is Kyle Gass
Rocking and fucking rolling/
and fucking rocking and fucking rolling...

"CUT! That's a fucking cut!" called A.D. Milos Milicevic, a gentle giant of a man. The crew got a good laugh out of that use of vulgarity.

OK... some description of the graphic dance/gestures courtesy of Mr. Jack Black. These will be big moment... assume the rest has lots of raised eyebrows and wide-eyes.

Can't you see he's the man/Let me hear you applaud/

During "applaud" JB theatrically claps his hands in big scissoring arcs for each syllable.

He is more than a man/He's a shiny golden god

Made "twinkly" magic fingers around his face during the "shiny golden god" bits.

Well you know you've got to rock the block/

Nothing that I recall

A fuckin' sock/

Made a conical mime with his two hands

My fuckin' cock/

Oh boy. This was my favorite. Depending on which take they use, you'll end up seeing only one of the variety of ways Jack mimed a penis out of thin air. My favorite was the one he started low with each hand a half-circle that connected at the fingertips and worked its way up until it got to what can best be described as "the mushroom." That was my favorite, but the others were slight variations on that.

'Cause when you rule/ Something's cool/Oh lovely pool (?)/ Oh lovely jewels

At "jewels" he made a ball-tickling motion with his fingers.

He/is going/to kick your fuckin' ass/And/you know/his name is Kyle Gass

Where each "/" is there was a finger pointing or a fist raised. Again, all very theatrical.

I know that is very minute detail, but I figure so much of his performance is visual that it'd be a good idea to give you D fans an idea of how Jack plays this scene.

That's essentially the scene we saw shot. They changed camera positions 4 times in the 3 hours we were there, but it was all various coverage of this scene. Matter of fact, the very first thing we saw when we were walked onto set was Lee (yes, THAT Lee, alias J.R. Reed) making his appearance. How great or how small his part is in the movie I cannot tell you. I can only tell you what I saw him shoot...

He plays a Pizza guy that stops and watches JB and KG jam. He rocks out (alone, of course) and cheers them on after it's over, saying stuff like, "Awesome! You guys are rad!!" One can only imagine how instrumental this is in forming The D.

The group was led over to the director's tent during the first downtime of the visit. As we were waiting for the publicist to get Jack and Kyle's attention I heard a phrase come out of the tent that really stuck with me. I believe it was Liam Lynch, director, who said this. I may be wrong... but I someday hope to know the full story behind this phrase:

"I fucking gave you money for your sperm!"

Don't you want to know the history of that statement? I sure as hell do! Anyway, were introduced to Jack and Kyle and Kyle's mom and dad, believe it or not. Mr. and Mrs. G, I guess... Remember that they were in the tent when that great string of words I highlighted above were unleashed upon this earth... I shook Jack's hand and he recognized me from all the time I spent on the KONG set, a much different scenario than this short little visit.

The unit publicist, a cool lady by the name of Spooky (no shit), asked JB and KG if they'd talk with our little group for a few minutes. They agreed and we walked to this little Tattoo shop that I would have sworn was real, but was constructed solely for the movie.

On the way, Kyle noticed my yellow legal pad that I took my notes on and he came right up to me and said, "Write this down: 'The Tenacious D movie is bogus. Completely and utterly bogus.'"

I did what I was told, being the good follower than I am.


Now me and Andre Dellamorte from CHUD and Todd Gilchrist from IGN were there, so I'm sure you'll this pop up on their websites, too. I don't like roundtables for that exact reason, but when it came time to chat with Kyle Gass and Jack Black as the crew was changing camera position, I had to whip out my tape recorder and partake of the discussion.

We talked in a little alcove, a Tattoo parlor created for the film, which was right next for a fake pizza place where Lee works in the film. This Pizza place had things on the menu like "Hungry Bitch Sandwich" and "Colon buster" burger. Small details, but funny nonetheless. Lots of good stuff below, including the whole number of tracks, cameo appearances and just some funny, funny shit from JB and KG.

I started chatting with Jack and Kyle about their set they played at the Comic-Con, including a new song that was fucking awesome to see done live... the song starts with them talking about how proud they are that they didn't have any playback while shooting the movie (lie), that it was all performed completely on the spot. Then they start up a song that is completely prerecorded and Jack and Kyle pretend to play guitar and sing. It was hilariously over the top and worked perfectly. That's where we start... I'll mark when a question is asked by me. If it's asked by any of the other two people there, it'll just be a Q: for Question.

I started my tape recorder after telling them how much I loved that song they did at the Con.

KYLE GASS: It's really funny. I love those things. Like the Andy Kaufman thing. "Here I go to save the dayyyyy!"

QUINT: Good ol' Mighty Mouse. That was awesome.

KYLE GASS: That was great.

JACK BLACK: Well, because you're not spending any energy on actual vocal output, so it all goes into the ridiculous faces. And you can print that!

KYLE GASS: (he waves at my note pad) I don't know, no... don't... I don't like any of that!

QUINT: Ok (make note on my pad). Kyle didn't like...

Q: (to Jack Black) How do you maintain your energy?

JACK BLACK: I don't know, dude. I'm totally running out of gas. I've been drinking a lot of Emer-gen-C. You ever have one of those? 'Cause it's got elec-tro-lites. I try not to eat too much at lunch 'cause that'll fuckin'... that'll make you tired.

KYLE GASS: I've been nappin' right through lunch. I turn on the AC and...

JACK BLACK: Then douche into the pillow. Douche.

KYLE GASS: Then I wake up and I got the thing (he squishes his face up with his hand) and it takes, like, a half-hour make-up to get this off.

JACK BLACK: Yeah. You got the pillow-face.

Q: How many of your songs from your album are in the movie...

JACK BLACK: The old album or the new album?

Q: Well, the old album.

JACK BLACK: The old album... Two songs. Just to give a little nod to the old days.

KYLE GASS: To ease the transition.

JACK BLACK: And also, this is about the beginning of The D, so we had to represent a little bit.

Q: So, it's an origin.

JACK BLACK: Exactly.

KYLE GASS: It's a docu-drama. It's a biopic.

JACK BLACK: It's an origin episode.

KYLE GASS: It's an origami, organic...

Q: Which two songs?


KYLE GASS: For our very first gig.

JACK BLACK: That's the very first gig we've ever played and then we've got ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

KYLE GASS: A new version. We rerecorded it.

JACK BLACK: We redid both of those, but um... We got a ton of new songs that are really... really...

QUINT: Do you know how many tracks?

JACK BLACK: How many tracks in the movie?

KYLE GASS: Well, we started with 72 new songs...

JACK BLACK: We whittled it down to I think 13. Right now there's 13 tracks.

Q: Is there anything you miss?

KYLE GASS: Dude, in the vault there are, like, 7 double-albums of stuff. You're looking at a time capsule.

JB makes a raspberry sound

JACK BLACK: We never save any golden nuggets for later. We always shoot our load as fast as we can.

KYLE GASS: (mock smacking JB) Ohhh, whydooyou... oh you just blewda...

Q: Who are your collaborators on this album? Any of the same people?

JACK BLACK: We got Dave Grohl back for one song. As of now, that's the only one that has drums on it, but we'll get him back later for some more.

KYLE GASS: John King is producing it...

Q: From the Dust Brothers...

JACK BLACK: Yeah, he produces our stuff, too. And some friends of ours playin' different instruments...

KYLE GASS: We got Shreddy, right behind you. (KG points out a skinny, young bearded bloke right behind us) He's responsible for the Master Exploder guitar theatrics.

JACK BLACK: His name is actually John Kenesky (forgive me if I butched the spelling of your name, dude), but we call him John Bartholomew Shredman, but he hates it. He hates it when you call him Shreddy, but it's really sticking and now he can't stop the fuckin'...

KYLE GASS: He can't shake it.

JACK BLACK: He can't shake The Shred. (To Shreddy) Why would you hate being called "Shreddy," though? Shreddy is like saying, "Hey, my name's "Awesome."

KYLE GASS: Yeah, I mean everyone loves the Shredder!

Q: How tough was it for you to put together the origin story?

JACK BLACK: It was really hard.

KYLE GASS: It took years.

JACK BLACK: Well, it took years to figure out the simple thing. "Wait, we should just make it a real biography about how we started off...


KYLE GASS: (whisper) Yeah!

QUINT: Nice.

JACK BLACK:... We gotta start from the very beginning. That shit took years to come to that simple conclusion. And then once we settled on that, it was so obvious... "Oh, of course! We gotta start from the beginning! That's where you start!"

KYLE GASS: Start at the beginning.

JACK BLACK: Ah... retarded. Although, dude... Batman didn't start at the beginning. Their movie... they started in the fuckin' weird middle. Did you see the latest one? I heard it's kick-ass.

GROUP: Yeah/it's awesome/it's good stuff

Q: It's Christopher Nolan from MEMENTO.


KYLE GASS: Well, I think whenever you take Tim Burton off of a project... you're doing a good thing. 'Cause that guy is stinkin' it up... every which way.

JACK BLACK: But me and Kyle tried to write it a few years ago... five years ago and then we just got depressed and we bailed on it. We had some other guys take a pass on a draft, then we read that. We got even more depressed, we were like "Aw, fuck it."

KYLE GASS: That was the darkest hour...

JACK BLACK: Then we said, "No-no-no, wait a second... now that we've seen the stinky... let's really fuckin' put it together." It wasn't that it was stinky, but it wasn't ours...

KYLE GASS: Yeah, it wasn't bad... it would have been a good movie for someone else.

JACK BLACK: Then we started partying with Liam and we were going and doing short films with him and he did a documentary. And he was like, "Dude... we should just fuckin' do it. You guys don't need someone else to write the fuckin' script. We can do it." And he just provided the confidence. He's so creative that he took us to the next level, really.

KYLE GASS: (taking the micro-cassette recorders from two of us and saying into each) God Bless Liam Lynch. God Bless Liam Lynch.

JACK BLACK: Five years, though. The answer is five years. But once we really started with Liam it took, like... I don't know... fuckin' Fifty days and fifty nights.

KYLE GASS: Yeah, once got sorted, we knocked out the story and it just seemed right. Then you guys really filled it in with some great funny. Then, only, like, two rewrites, really... like two rewrites and...

JACK BLACK: Like all of our stuff... Well, like most of our stuff... it plopped out in one well-tapered, not too much over=thinking it poo. Golden nugget that pops out of our butts. Alright, that's enough description. Ass... creativity.

QUINT: I was told that the super-awesome KONG song that you shared with us at the Con was exclusive between you and Pierre (Vinet, the great still photographer), right?

JACK BLACK: Umm... did I say that?

QUINT: No, Pierre said that.

JACK BLACK: Yeah, I know. Pierre said (in French Canadian accent) "And he wrote it... just for me!" Yeah, I never agreed to that. There's no handshake to that. Why would I say yes to that? Because he's going to sell the DVD with a song on it? Seems silly to me.

Well, we haven't put it on the album. We probably won't. It's a different movie.

QUINT: Just do it live or something?

JACK BLACK: But I do think it'd be really funny if we put out the KING KONG music video... Tenacious D's KING KONG music video one week before KING KONG comes out in theaters... But I think Pete would be really pissed off.

KYLE GASS: Yeah, but what's he gonna do now? He can't fire you.

JACK BLACK: Maybe I'll just say, "Dude! I just thought was helpin'! You! I thought I was helpin' you!"

QUINT: Well, how mad does Peter get, really?

JACK BLACK: No, he never really... I've never seen him lose his temper.

KYLE GASS: Now, this is a rumor, but I heard there was a LORD OF THE RINGS part 4 that might be coming out.

QUINT: Do you mean the Hobbit? (I knew he didn't)

KYLE GASS: No, no... It's actually right after...

QUINT: That they're actually doing a sequel.

Q: Is it just the rest of the endings?

KYLE GASS: I don't know what it is. It doesn't seem right, to me...

JACK BLACK: It's retarded.

(laughs all around)

Q: You guys have been shooting this for a while. What has been the most toughest or most challenging for you guys to shoot?

KYLE GASS: (to JB) What's been the most hardest scene to shoot?

JACK BLACK: Ummm... what's the hardest one? The one where I had to remember a bunch of shit...

(laughs all around)

JACK BLACK: ... you know I was really worried about certain scenes like when we sit down and try to write the masterpiece... When we step into the thing... I don't want to give away too much...

KYLE GASS: Whenever we had to talk, that was probably hardest, I think.

JACK BLACK: When we had a lot of talking...

Q: Once you were writing it... were you thinking... shorter. That doesn't need to be a full page.

JACK BLACK: What's weird is when we wrote it it's like 90 pages long, but now it's like a 2 hour movie, somehow, 'cause it doesn't really... You can have a one page script that goes for 5 hours if you go for... never mind.

KYLE GASS: "Man takes train to Boston."

JACK BLACK: Yeah. (laughs)

KYLE GASS: I thought there was a lot of economy, though. I think we tried to strip it down, just keeping the story going. 'Cause on the day, as they say in the movies, when we're actually doing it, you usually come up with some business when you're there and you're in the scene. All the sets and stuff are kind of inspiring. It would always sort of make you feel like doin' something. Like the museum... it's really cool.

JACK BLACK: I think we're going to have a lot of painful cuts because there's so many funny nuggets. We're going to have to streamline...

KYLE GASS: (in unison with one of the other reporters... don't remember if it was CHUD or IGN) But a great DVD!

JACK BLACK: Yeah, that's the great thing about the DVD (he said it "Divid" like saying "David" really, really fast).

KYLE GASS: And we might come out on the same day, Mark Cuban style...

JACK BLACK: Dude! That's what I heard about KING KONG. KING KONG and the DVD coming out on the same day...

KYLE GASS: Bring out the DVD same day to reduce piracy.

JACK BLACK: (pointing to Kyle)... but I heard it from him, so... Or from your mom...

KYLE GASS: Listen, my mom IS the internet.

JACK BLACK: (to me) Have you heard that?

QUINT: Uh-uh...


JACK BLACK: KING KONG release and DVD release same day... around the world... To cut out... I think it's kinda genius... to cut out piracy...

KYLE GASS: (he spots Director Liam Lynch and waves him over) Liam, come here.

JACK BLACK: And then people are still going to go to the theaters.

LIAM LYNCH: The KING KONG DVD comes out the same day the movie comes out?

JACK BLACK: Well, that's what I hear Mark Cuban was fuckin' pushin' for this new thing. It kills the pirates AND um...

LIAM LYNCH: It does. Yeah, right on...

JACK BLACK: Liam's gonna have to have a private stop without us... with these guys...

KYLE GASS: Oh, a private chat? You can be in the circle.

JACK BLACK: Um... not part of our circle. No dude...

(Laughs all around)

JACK BLACK: No, yeah... he said it was going to go at the same time for two reasons. Piracy kill and... fuck it. People still go to the big theaters anyway.

QUINT: Especially for a movie like KONG.

JACK BLACK: Yeah! But dude... the DVD sales will be even more massive. And the movie theaters can be selling the DVDs at the theater.

LIAM LYNCH: They will with...

JACK BLACK: With popcorn!

LIAM LYNCH: With popcorn packing around them!

KYLE GASS: Here's my plan. I'm going to make enough money off this thing to get out of the Biz... open a Jersey Mike's... smoke some weed.

JACK BLACK: Jersey Mike's? What is that?

KYLE GASS: It's a great sub shop.

Q: They're pretty good.

KYLE GASS: They don't have 'em out here! I'm sayin' we got a gold mine! Are you in, dude?

JACK BLACK: Subway sandwich?

Q: Yeah, yeah.


KYLE GASS: Dude, but they make it right there... they got the thing... the slicer.

JACK BLACK: It's better than Subway?

KYLE GASS: It's much better, yeah.

JACK BLACK: You're going to buy one?

KYLE GASS: I'm gonna buy one, yeah.

JACK BLACK: That's a good investment because they don't have any on the west coast. Dude, I'm in! (He punches knuckles with KG)

KYLE GASS: Then we hire these, like, really capable young men to run it!

JACK BLACK: (laughs)

KYLE GASS: What? (Pause) Reeaaaalllyyy capable... super-good guys to run it... Yeah!

JACK BLACK (laughing) You're really psyched about those guys you're going to hire!

KYLE GASS: Maybe some chicks, too! Maybe some chicks! I don't know. No, but they're really good. They're good subs.

JACK BLACK: I would never trust anyone that...

KYLE GASS: No, I'm pickin' up the money every day! I'm goin' there! That's why can't have J.R. (alias "Lee). Sticky-Fingers Reed, I'm telling you. Don't leave money around with that guy. No, he's a good friend... (long pause) I'm glad you're in on the Jersey Mike's 'cause I think the Valley...

JACK BLACK: I'm not sure if I'm in anymore. Did I shake on it just then?


QUINT: Well... (I make a fist)

JACK BLACK: Punched it. It's not legally binding. Knuckles do not legally bind! (laughs)

KYLE GASS: There's a good chance it's not going to happen.

JACK BLACK: Okay, good.

Q: Who shows up in the movie from your sort of... cadre of a...

JACK BLACK: I think we got everybody except for Bob and David who didn't make it in, but that's just because we didn't have good enough parts for 'em. I woulda felt like we were insulting them to give 'em, like, turds...

KYLE GASS: Weeeelllll.... They didn't put me in their movie.

QUINT: So, they don't have a "Kick in the Cunt" scene.

JACK BLACK: They do not have a "Kick in the Cunt" scene. We should have, maybe, given them a little kick in the cunt. Maybe they should have been security guards... one and two.

Q: But like the Largo crew... Like Paul F. Tompkins...

JACK BLACK: Paul F. Tompkins is amazing in it...

KYLE GASS: Jay Johnstone is in it, from Mr. Show...

JACK BLACK: Jay Johnstone. Great.

KYLE GASS: What's the other guy from Mr. Show?

JACK BLACK: Oh, yeah... What's his name? C'mon... John Ennis!

Q: Brian Posehn?

JACK BLACK: No Brian Posehn. Almost. Almost. We couldn't get it. Couldn't get everybody. We got a bunch of people from the Actor's Gang and a bunch of people from Mr. Show.

KYLE GASS: Cynthia Ettinger from CARNIVALE plays Jack's mom.

JACK BLACK: Amy Poehler.

KYLE GASS: Amy Poehler. Tim Robbins. Sasquatch! Sasquatch in only his second role.

JACK BLACK: Ben Stiller is in there... Sasquatch is in there.

KYLE GASS: And you know what? It's so wonderful!

JACK BLACK: He wasn't totally professional, though. He didn't go in the fuckin' Port-A-Potty.

KYLE GASS: Alright. Alright, he took a shit in his trailer. He did not know! But I'm telling you... professional soup to nuts.

JACK BLACK: He's a force of nature.


JACK BLACK: But we also got Ronny James Dio AND Meatloaf and they kicked ass!

KYLE GASS: Oh, get this. Will Ferrell promised to be in it and then wouldn't be in it.

JACK BLACK: N-n-no-no. That's not true! He said, "Yeah, man. I'm gonna fuckin' be there," but his schedule was like... "But this is kind of a foggy area. I'm probably gonna definitely be there." And we were like... I'm sure he would have made, but we're like... we gotta go with the sure fire.

KYLE GASS: It's bullshit!

JACK BLACK: It's not bullshit!

KYLE GASS: It's bullshit because when I said I would do ELF... there was one stipulation...

JACK BLACK: (laughing) There was one caveat.

KYLE GASS: ... Mr. Bill... Will... whoever you are this week... that you do our fucking movie.

JACK BLACK: N-n-no... In fairness we asked him after he had already booked this other movie, so he didn't have a chance to block out that time.

KYLE GASS: Whatever! Will... Will, if you're watching the internet... Bullshit call! Yeah, when ELF 2 rolls around you're not gonna spy on me!

JACK BLACK: ELF 2! (laughs)

QUINT: It's actually happening.

KYLE GASS: It's called "ELVES."

Q: Is the album gonna be released just in conjunction with the movie or is it going to be released just prior...

JACK BLACK: I like to release the album day of the movie release. Kyle wants to release it 5 months before.

KYLE GASS: On 6-6-06.

JACK BLACK: Y'know... I was into the 6-6-06 until I found out that, like, 3 horror films are vying for the 6-6-06 slot...

QUINT: Including THE OMEN...


KYLE GASS: We're no longer. We're going day of.

JACK BLACK: Probably the Tuesday before the movie opens... I think is how we should do it.

KYLE GASS: Maybe the Tuesday right before. See, I think we're going to put a comic book in... of the whole movie! It could ruin the thing! We should tell people, "Caution!"

JACK BLACK: You know what I was thinking, though, that might be good, too? Just kick-ass pictures from the movie. Kick-aaassss pictures from the movie. Put some lyrics on the other side... Comic books are so hard, man...

KYLE GASS: We're not doing it!

JACK BLACK: It's this size, though (JB holds fingers out CD cover length). What I mean is it's this size. It's hard to communicate the whole story of the movie in comic books that are four by THAT! They're stamps!

KYLE GASS: You know what? Use a magnifying glass. Trust me. We'll include a magnifying glass.

JACK BLACK: We're thinking about doing a comic book.

KYLE GASS: I think it'd be great.

QUINT: Funny, I was going to talk to you... Do you know who Tim Bradstreet is? He did the PUNISHER covers...

JACK BLACK: Oh yeah!

QUINT: And the Hellblazer covers...

JACK BLACK: And he wants to do...

QUINT: He's a huge fan of you guys and he wanted to do an album cover or a comic book cover or something.

JACK BLACK: Reeeally? Oh really?

KYLE GASS: We'll get him to work... for free!

QUINT: Maybe...

JACK BLACK: Dude, where did Liam go?

KYLE GASS: You didn't want him in earlier. He's got to direct a movie.

JACK BLACK: Dude, I was kidding. He disappeared... like a puff of smoke!

(someone brings KG a packet of Nicorette gum)

KYLE GASS: Oh, dude! You got me a cigarette instead?

(He pops one out and starts chewing)

JACK BLACK: Dude... I have been going strong no-smoking since we started shooting this film...

KYLE GASS: I have been as long as you.

JACK BLACK: ...and right now, I'm like... I'm wanting some.

KYLE GASS: Well, you smoked in New Zealand.


KYLE GASS: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

JACK BLACK: What do you mean, "Yeah?"

KYLE GASS: You started up again.

JACK BLACK: How do you know? You can feel it?

KYLE GASS: I know because you're away from home.... Hey! Hey! Get it! Get it! (Kyle lifts a leg and bend over like he's going to fart on JB. JB runs)

JACK BLACK: (as he's running away) Evacuate!

KYLE GASS: False alarm! Turtle alert! False alarm! Turtle alert! Come back... Okay, now that he's gone...

QUINT: Now's this is the real story... So, he's an asshole right?

KYLE GASS: Well, he's more of a Diva, really. It's like, "Alright, dude." They guy can't even take a shit on his own now. His fuckin' little helper. He's pouncing around here with someone holding his umbrella like he's fucking Michael Jackson. Ego to control! The Eagle has landed!

QUINT: Is he taking your close-ups and everything?

KYLE GASS: Takin' my close ups? I don't even know I'm in the movie, quite frankly. It should be a one-man show. I'm a prop in a costume! We're all just part of the Jack Black story! I don't want to bad-mouth him, though. It's not my style.

QUINT: Well, you were there during the KONG panel when everybody all anybody wanted to know is whether or not you were in KONG...

KYLE GASS: Well, you know the irony is that I left because it was so boring. I was like, "This panel is boring me to tears. I gotta go with Michelle... I gotta get something to eat." And then everybody started asking for me. That was so flattering and I can't believe I missed it.

(Long pause)

I'm just glad the real story is being told... of how we started. I mean, who fuckin' polished the shitty piece of coal into the diamond you see now... Think it happened by magic? Didn't. You'll see in this movie what really happened.

QUINT: Sweet.

Q: It's all about you.

KYLE GASS: Well, it's just... Once in a while the older man takes a younger boy under his wing... with fresh, tight skin... keeps him in his room... and teaches him... things. That's what happened. Life lessons! Important life lessons. How to hold his... guitar. How to make it swing... uh, swing... uh, sing.

There you go, squirts. Part one of the TENACIOUS D set visit. I also have our chat with director Liam Lynch and the tale of our impromptu cameos in the film and some more detail on the meeting of The D. I hope you enjoyed it and have an idea of where those crazy bastards are going with the movie.

Stay tuned for the second and final report on my adventures in Santa Monica with Tenacious D!


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