Ahoy, squirts! Quint here again with our main man in Florida-land, Rav. He's got more adventures to tell of from his last day of roaming around the Palm Beach Film Festival. Below he will uncover the mystery of I WILL AVENGE YOU, IAGO! as well as add some more Shitty film descriptions into the mix... then ending it with a huge revelation of his love for Patrick Warburton and Eric Roberts. Enjoy!
After writing yesterday's shorts article I thought it a bit wise to watch Iago on a screener in my hotel room, rather than braving it with the onslaught of the Iago-promotional-army. While my laptop isn't exactly the ideal substitute for the theatrical experience I think it kinda/sorta is at least as good as video projection with house lights left on. In a way it really sucks though, because now I've proved their over-promotion successful. After the blitz they did, quite off-putting as it was, I still became insanely curious to see this damn movie. The way they push Iago, I was picturing a bizarre russian farcical comedy that made no sense whatsoever with humor that only a sugar-addicted ADD preteenager could understand. In actuality it is still a very silly comedy with many bits that don't really work, but when it is working it is a very enjoyable film. The title refers to a spikey-haird psychopath/theatre fan who is convinced the play is real and intends to avenge "Iago" by killing the "governor," this was my favorite part of the film and it had a lot of potential, unfortunately it's just a small sub-plot bookending the movie. It's a very worthwhile film to see, I'd recommend it with only a little reservation. Giancarlo Esposito's pretty good in it too.
Okay after that quick viewing, I put my laptop away and it was back to theatrical experiences for me, Huzzah! Shitty Movie #3 was a film I missed to watch #2, after emerging beaten and violated from #2 I heard good word on this feature (#3) and longed for a time-machine to go back and make a different screening choice. In front of this next movie I saw perhaps one of the stupidest short films I've ever seen. It was a film set in a future where the world is over-populated and there isn't enough space for new babies, unless somebody dies. So for the next 16 minutes the short is a race to see if a baby can hold out being born long enough for the guy with cancer in the next room to kick the bucket. Riveting stuff here, it was like watching a turtle race in a walmart parking lot. It's a film that'll have you crying, begging, pleading for them to just abort the fricken baby and get it all over with. It sounds sadistically fun, but it's not, stay away from this anonymously shitty short film. Wait...I'll give the title to anyone if they email me at Ravkill@msn.com", I feel the need to spare someone the horror of watching this very unoriginal short film.
Argh! Now that that frustration was let loose, I was on to my mediocre feature presentation. Shitty Movie #3 was really a film that upset me, it as well probably doesn't deserve the moniker of "shitty," but I really don't have anything good to say about it and should probably protect it's "image" a bit. I really was looking forward to this movie, the director seemed to be a very nice guy, it had a really talented actor in it that is the star of an HBO series, and plenty of people had recommended it. This was supposed to be one of these "sure things," unfortunately nothings ever 100% sure. You'll see this movie for sure, its mediocre enough that it will become late-night filler for showtime 3 or Lifetime movies. It sucks, I love twisted mentally unstable romance movies, Takashi Miike's Audition is one of my favorite films, unfortunately this film is a textbook example of how not to do one. Bad writing, lame cinematography, over-acting, and first-time clunky direction made this movie what it was...Shitty Movie #3
(spoilers for the next movie below)
The next fucking movie I saw dropped on this beach front community like a big-ass fucking purple elephant. It was the motherfucking "Civilization of Maxwell Bright" and god damn was it a doozy. I went in with the lowest of low balls-ass expectations, and fuck damn it was a little fucking better than I expected. The film stars Patrick Warburton, who was the fucking bomb in Seinfeld and The Tick as well as shitty indie-movie-fav-has-been-extraordinaire Eric Roberts. The film follows Warburton as an asshole electronics store owner who buys himself a mail-order-bride-of-sorts. Now, this film has a lot of fucking problems, particularly in the first damn thirty minutes where it's pretty fucking lame, it's like all the humor surrounds itself around Warburton and his friends cursing a lot and Warburton's major humongo-afro-size penis. Someone just needs to fucking tell these filmmakers that just saying the word "fuck" is not fucking funny, people need to re-learn their fucking morals these days, these fucking kids are getting out of control with their cunt-fucking language. God damnit, it just fucking infuriates me sometimes, its not fucking funny. It's useless words and can be toned the fuck down. Other than that the fucking movie has a few other problems, Warburton's character is totally unlikable, even through his "transition" during the movie he's still a fucker. I really can't say that I was that sad when he got cancer and fucking died. Though all those complaints aside it really fucking works at times on the basis of Warburton's and dare I say it Eric Roberts' charm. It's really fucked up when you have a movie where you sort of like Eric Roberts, his acting might not always be "spot-on," but his character in this is really sad and dorky, it fits. It's an odd bird in that I can honestly say "it's a good movie,"without lying, but I can also bitch about its problems for hours. Fuck yeah! done with that.
Off for another day in the beach, it's starting to become that sad bit of the festival where everyone is beginning to ditch for other endeavours. Notable comrades lost today were Ray, the most kickass photographer in the planet and the fun fun fun troupe that produced Laundry Night, Susan and Jared. The beach misses you guys or something cheesy like that. I'm sure others left, but I forgot em, I'm an asshole.
later,
Rav
