Hey folks, Harry here with something fun as hell. I heard that there was a screening coming, but I heard it was 2 weeks to 2 and a half weeks away. However, did he see the film? I don't know, but his coyness about a revelation 2/3rds of the way through the film - and who reveals that revelation - has my ass doing a "Guess Who" game - cuz who it is told to, would be my pick for the best thing about the first two films, but apparently it's another character that is the best thing about the first two, but not these two. ARGH! Cuz when you begin to think who is dead and who is alive... it fucks with ya. Course, it could be a ghost. But that really begins to fuck with ya. ARGH! So is it bullshit? Could be. But half the fun of STAR WARS at this point is figuring out what's true and what isn't. And like he says - who the fuck would believe him. I don't know if I do - but I know these things are more fun to tear apart and wonder about - and after watching CLONE WARS 2 - I'm too geeky to stop myself... so here ya go...
Howdy Harry! Out here in Monterey CA... I am a BIG time fan of your website, and up until now..I have never had shit to write about!.....But right now, I feel like I won the the Biggest GEEK lottery in the history of Geek lotteries! NOW I KNOW!!! I KNOW HOW YOU MUST HAVE FELT WHEN YOU SAW "AOC' before everybody else back in 02..!!!!!!!!!! Only I Keep saying " who the fuck is gonna believe my shit??!!! HA!" Then I Stick my big fat ass with a "12" needle to remind me that IT WASN'T A DREAM!!!! Ok soooo where to begin, WHERE TO BEGIN where to FUCKING BEGIN???? (CALMING DOWN, TAKING DEEP DEEP BREATHS HERE!)! HA! ....I feel like one of my nephews whos been eating snickers bars round the clock...!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok...to begin with my GF works an ex cap for one of the biggest movie theater chains in northern CA they have theaters in Sacramento, SF, San Jose. and of course, right here in Monterey....Well..as it turns out, one of the big boys at ILM frequents one of the theaters in SF with his fam...hes a really cool guy, I have met him once or twice (Hmmm does he maybe have a thing for my girl? HA!)...Anyway...My Gf comes home from wk on sat and shes giddier than when combine, Pizza, sex, and the Lord of the Rings triology!!!....I say Sooo "whats up babe?" She says...(trying to hold herself togeather!!!) "Would you like to go out to ILM with me on Monday, and see the finished version of Episode 3? (Nawwww...think I'd rather stay home and suck the creme out of Twinkies with a straw, Homer Simpson style! ) OF COURSE I SAY FUCKING RESOUNDINGLY 'HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!....OK OK OK OK OK (TAKING DEEP BREATHS, TAKING DEEP BREATHS...LOSING CONCENTRATION FROM COMBO OF TO MUCH SUGAR, NO SLEEP, AND AN MULTIPLE ORGASMS FROM SEEING "THE MOVIE EVENT" OF THE YEAR!...OK OK OK...WHEW I am calm! ...ok..sooooooo going into ILM is like well...GETTING INTO FORT KNOX, OR THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE....Everyone has heard that story from the 80's about how Ronald Reagan asked to see "Skywalker Ranch" and was turned down!!!! HA! ..Anyway....So the security in this place is tighter than a virgin's pussy on prom nite!!!! no fucking joke (and yes I know..."Statement of the obvious!!")
Ok..ok sooooo we meet the guy at the gate...we get Passes..( I am READY TO FUCKING EXPLODE AT THIS POINT! ) I feel like the UFOLOGIST "Stan Friedman" (Thats is that fuckers name right? HA!) if he was givin' a big fuckin' free pass to Area 51!!!!....I could go on, and fucking on, about how this place is a world onto itself...but that would take a whole other letter to write about!
The "Screening room" we entered was really cool...like a mini "stadium theater" ..COMPLETE WITH DRINKS HOLDERS!!!, TRAY HOLDERS FOR FOOD, AND AN EXTENSIVE CAFETIRIRA RIGHT NEXT DOOR!! (Ok I know thats a minor fucking point!..but HEY its the "Little things" right?)....Well I am sitting there..and clasping my Girl friends hand so tight...that the sucker was really really really gonna fall off!..AND THEN...AND THEN...IN THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF ME IT HAPPENED!!
IT HAPPENED (AND NO ONE IS FUCKING GONNA BELIEVE ME! HA! OH WELL...."FUCKEM'! HA!)...I was watching...the opeing crawl for .................EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooooooooooooo after I caught my breath.....and that took A LONG FUCKIN TIME! ..On the screen in front of me..was maybe the GREATEST SPACE BATTLE, NOOOOOO FUCK THAT!, ONE OF "THE GREATEST BATTLES" EVER ON FILM!!!!...This thing will suck the air out of your lungs! ITS FUCKING FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY, I'm not gonna be a dick and give away..all the goodies this will summarize, but NOT SPOIL 2 MAJOR RELEVELATIONS THAT LUCAS HAS KEPT VERY VERY VERY DEEPLY UNDER RAPS WE ARE TALKIN' "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" KIND OF REVELATIONS ABOUT 2/3 OF THE WAY THROUGH AND....AND AT THE VERY END! THESE REVELATIONS INVOLVE A CHARACTER WHO I THINK HAS BEEN THE BEST THING ABOUT THE PREQUELS...And he explains EVERYTHING!! AND I DO MEAN "EVERYTHING" FROM WHY ANAKIN WILL "NOT" BE THE "CHOSEN ONE", TO SIDIOUS'S EVENTUAL DEMISE YEARS LATER, TO HOW LUKE BEFRIENDS HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, WHY THE DROIDS MEMORIES MUST BE ERASED..YOU FUCKING NAME IT!!!!!!!!!!...Anyway (WHEW I am WORN OUT MANNNNNNNNNN!!!).. during the battle to rescue Palpatine. Obi-Wan's Ship is badly damaged..thats when these little "nano-droid" type things come out and start repairing his ship( I had an accident last week..where the fuck were these things then? HA)....So...Anakin is able to locate the Fed Cruiser where Palpatine is being held captive...and Obi-wan tells him to go on ahead...THE SCENE WHERE ANAKIN PUNCHS A HOLE THROUGH THE FED CRUISER...AND LANDS LIKE NO BIG DEAL GAVE ME WOOD LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE!....Ok sooooo after he jumps out of the cockpit...he encounters what seems like 100s and 100s of battle droids, and super battle droids, drokiekas YOU FUCKING NAME IT!...And if you thought that Jedi battle in the arena at the end of ATOC was impressive..wait till you fucking see this! ..OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD!....They truly make Anakin "Super-human" in this one..the way he hacks through those droids..it makes any other Jedi-battle with droids, or non Jedi..look silly in comparison!!!!!!!...so when he finally gets to the bridge to face "Dooku", before the battle begins...Dooku.. atempts to tell Anakin something.....that will be VERY IMPORTANT LATER ON!!!...But before he can fucking say a thing...Anakin whips out his light sabre in a fit of rage and comes full steam at Dooku...mean while Palpatine is sitting there...strangely calm, and strangely reminscent of "Return of the Jedi" when he tried to convert Luke to the Darkside....he even eggs Anakin on by telling him to "Strike Dooku down..quiclky"..and that he should he give himself over to "His feelings"...Well..Long story short...Obi-Wan makes a late entrance, and Gets into the light Sabre duel against Dooku...Now this sequence looks ALOT better than the last time these 3 fought in ATOC....I mean, it really really looks like Chistopher Lee, and not some cut and paste CGI deal..don't get me wrong..I loved ATOC .but this entire light sabre duel (The 1st of many MANY MANY Light sabre fight is incredable!)...Obi-wan gets a "force wave" from Dooku and gets knocked out....the whole time Palpatine has a truely EVIL look on his face...Esp when he utters "STRIKE HIM DOWN!!!" GODDDDDDDDDDDD THAT was GREAT!
I'm gonna finish this up a little quicker..and get to SOME MAJOR HIGHLIGHTS!!! Because my ass at wk..and I wanted to beat ANYONE ELSE to the punch with this MAJOR SCOOP!
The General Grievous vs Obi-wan fight Uppppppppppppps the Ante through the roof as far as light sabre duels........this one bad bad bad Mother-fucker! Obi-Wan takes him down...and with his dying last few wds..he tells Obi-Wan that Palaptine is behind the whole thing....Obi-Wan gets wd to the Jedi-Council and Mace Windu and 3 other Jedi are dispatched to bring him in....BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! Ok the 1st 2 light sabre duels are like big time warm ups for this fight between Mace and Palpatine....(This film is DEF a PG-13 FILM NO QUESTION!!!) The look on Palatine's face when morphs into Sidious as attacks the Jedi will gloriously haunt my nightmare for YEARS TO COME ! I mean...its some SCARY ASS SHIT He KILLS THE OTHER 3 JEDI.....(umm That is, Decapates 2 and badly mutilates another!! GREAT!...but theres really no blood....its just the way he kills them..SHOCKING! His speed and dexiterity with a light sabre HAS to be CGI-Enhanced, but who gives a shit! When Palaptine tells Mace that the Jedi's days are OVER..it sent chills up my SPINE!...Anakin crashes in and Sidious morphs IMED back to Palpatine, and gives Anakin the big Sob Story about how he's been wronged by Windu and the Jedi Council...and..ANAKIN BUYS IT TO OUR DELIGHT!....The Mace Windu Death sequence? AMAZING!!!!! thats all I will say about that!
WHEW! Ok my mind, and body are still trying to comprehend all this!!! LOL..Soooo after Palaptine and Anakin off Mace....Palpatine tells Anakin about The Jedi are weak, and corrupted from within and how "EVERY Jedi is an enemy of the Republic!!!" He sends him on an eron to Kill EVERYONE! (and this is some dark dark stufff..and THEY ACTUALLY SHOW IT!!!!) THEY SHOW ANAKIN OFFING EVERYONE, WITH THE AIDE OF SOME "CLONE TROOPERS" From then on, we see different Jedi being diposed of in a multitude of different ways!! Heads will roll, arms will be severed, legs will be lopped off! INCREDABLE!!!!
Palaptine eventually dispatches Anakin to tie up ALL lose ends with the "Trade Federation" including The Viceroy and his cronies, Cutting to the chase!!! HA!!! When Yoda, and Obi-wan return to the temple and see it wiped out..THIS IS WHEN THE CHRACTER I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT MAKES HIS APPEARANCE...AND TELLS ABOUT HOW" SHIFTS IN THE FORCE..ARE NECESSARY, IF NOT UNPLEASANT...AND HE BEGINS TO TELL YODA AND OBI-WAN EVERYTHING THAT IS TO COME..INCLUDING ...THE BIRTH OF"DARTH VADER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know we all know this..but the way the this chracter tells it...well its just plain fucking SHAKESPEARE!!!!!!
Ok up to this point, we've only had 3 light sabre duels...but the PALPATINE VS YODA FIGHT...WELL ITS GONNA GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE KING OF MANO Y MANO!!! When Yoda confronts Sidious in his office.....the fight spills out into an empty Senate chamber, and its here that we really realize that there is NO Jedi alive ot dead that is a match for Sidious!!!! Yoda, puts up one helluva fucking fight...dodging flying senate pods, and holding his own with a light sabre...but with all those fucking Dark side force powers at Sidious's disposal...its NO FUCKING CONTEST! HA!! GAWWWWWWWWD I shot my load after this fight!!!
WHEW my ass is tired..I will conlude by saying that the Battle on the Wookie Homeword of Kasshack..could give Peter Jackson and his Weta team a run for their money!!!! The Anakin, Obi-Duel...is a little longer and sometimes not nearly as exciting as some of the earlier duels..BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG..IT RULES!!...The last few shots of Anakin and his badly burned and broken body are EVERY reason NOT to take someone under 10 to see this film!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE EVERTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST 24 HOURS..I WOULD KEEP WRITING BUT MY ARM IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF!!!
LASTLY!!! I WILL ULTIMATELY SAY THAT LUCAS WILL, WILL (AND I DO MEAN "WILL" REDEEM HIMSELF WITH THIS MASTERPIECE...EVEN NATALIE PORTMAN RISES TO THE OCCASION IN HER FINAL REALLY HEARTBREAKING SCENES!!!) BUT PALPATINE V MACE WINDU STILL RULES!!!!! I WILL NOW PASS OUT!
WHEW! If you use this Harry....you can call me "The Well dressed man!"
Over and out from Monterey!!!