Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with yet another positive test screening review of the remake of THE LONGEST YARD starring Adam Sandler. I thought the trailer had some laughs (didn't see the super bowl spot, but I heard it wasn't all that hot) and the set up is well used, but still fun. I'm happy to see the good reviews that keep coming in. Gives me hope that it'll be a solid hour and a half of entertainment... but this is coming from someone who enjoys most of Adam Sandler's movies. What do you folks think? Could this movie be fun or are all the reviews we've been getting over the last couple of months plants?
I went to a test screening of Adam Sandler's latest film "The Longest Yard" tonight. Doesn't that sound weird? Maybe even wrong. Adam Sandler and "The Longest Yard" together in the same sentence. Well, I'm here to tell you, America is about to fall head-over-heels in love with a bunch of hardened convicts. I not only cared about each and every member of the Mean Machine team, I grew to love, appreciate and root for them all in under an hour and forty five minutes time. They're characters that you see for the first time yet feel like old friends. And not because it's a remake. Memorable, seriously qoute worthy types. Especially, Cheeseburger Eddie. You can probably guess what he's all about. There is such a warmth generated by the team's camaraderie it's absolutely contagious. The casting of each of these roles is dead on. Nelly and ex-football player Michael Irvin concerned me before seeing it. I assumed their lack of acting experience might hurt the movie. Man, was I wrong. They both fill their characters with heart, likability, humor. Megget and Moss are the definition of cool and really fun to watch. In the summer tons of kids playing football will be fighting over who gets to be Megget and who gets to be Moss. Paramount give your entire casting department a bonus this year. They deserve it.
It also seems that Adam Sandler has pulled off the impossible. He's managed to coerce a funny and memorable performance out of Chris Rock and put it up onto the silver screen. Don't get me wrong, Rock is a genius but strictly on the stand-up stage, in a sketch, or on a talk show set. Rock in the movies is consistently a disappointment (yes, even Pootie Tang), yet I always find myself checking out his movies in hopes things would change sooner or later. They never did, until now. Caretaker is instantly endearing in a world of shit. The prison is as grim as the character of Caretaker is inviting. Rock finally does it right and does it in the right movie, hopefully he'll capatilize on the momentum. New Jack City and this are the only times Rock has lived up to his potential on celluloid. Also, the chemistry between Sandler & Rock is undeniable. From the second Crewe sits at Caretaker's table in the prison cafeteria you can feel it. You can tell they're friends in real life and a comfortable rhythm flows between them throughout. A great pairing. It makes you want to see them together again ASAP.
Another thing I liked is that the bad guys are bad guys. It's fun when you genuinely hate the villian or villians. The guards are dicks and the warden's the biggest dick of all. James Cromwell does a good job of filling the shoes of the original warden. Sorry, I know it's horrible, but his name escapes me. Oh yeah, look for a cameo from the original Captain Knauer as well. Anyway, Crowell and his goons do a great job. The guards are mainly made up of former football players and professional wrestlers, half of their names I knew, half I didn't. They were all good though. One I even noticed was Greg Meaney from "The Waterboy" even bigger and badder than before. I'm sure the wrestling fans attending will be satisfied as will the football fans. The football footage is just incredible. I'm not a big football fan myself and it was still entertaining to me. Visually amazing as well. Yes, I just said a Sandler film is visually amazing. The big game is just that. A BIG GAME. Nothing but fun and genuine excitement. Gee, I wonder who wins?!?!?
Before I go, I must mention another highlight, okay, a pair of highlights, Courtney Cox's breasts. No, she doesn't break 'em out here because she doesn't need to. They're relatively contained but ridiculously perfect. I bet my bottom dollar she was breastfeeding during the shoot. Courtney, trust me when I tell you this, your husband is a buffoon. Dump his ass and come crash at my pad. Don't forget to bring your breasts though, 'kay? Burt Reynolds is kinda weird looking here (plastic surgery?) but is obviously having fun and no matter how odd he looks he still oozes charm and likability in the role of the beloved Coach. Again, the chemistry with Sandler is real.
As for what I didn't like, I thought they could have done without Rob Schneider rehashing the line from "The Waterboy," you know the one, "You can do it!" And a couple of Chris Rock lines I've heard a million times in other movies and in real life. The music was kinda all over the place but it was most likely a temp soundtrack so who can really tell. However, there were a couple of well place AC/DC tunes in there.
Okay, I suppose I'm done. This movie is going to surprise a lot of people and convert more than it's fair share of haters. I've noticed a lot of smack talk on the internet regarding the idea of a Yard remake. Sandler chooses not to talk in a goofy voice or scream at people in this one and it's a nice change of pace. Oh, I'll be first in line when he's spewing gibberish and dancing a retarded jig of some sort but it's cool to see Sandler in a different kind of role. Sandler, tough guy movie star is born. Funny moments. Exciting moments. Scary moments. Touching moments. Good stuff. Good stuff indeed.
Almost forgot, Tracy Morgan is priceless as Miss Tucker. That is all. Call me..........
Spliff Scar Jr.