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UPDATED!!A Spike-Centric Buffiverse TV Movie'' Er ...

I am – Hercules!!

We’re aware of it! So you can stop writing now!

If you, gentle reader, are one of the 17 Americans who are not aware of it, here’s the what. Someone named Grace wrote TV Guide’s Mike Ausiello with this:

I'm pleased to hear that you plan to ask the WB folks about Angel movies, but please, what we need are Spike movies starring James Marsters. So, if those WBers try to brush you off with a generic "David Boreanaz is busy," you'll help us out and ask specifically about Spike, won't you please? — Grace

Ausiello replied:

Ausiello: As you predicted, WB president David Janollari immediately played the "[Boreanaz] has a lot of other things going on" card when I asked him for an update on the Angel movies. But I was ready with my Spike follow-up. "I've never thought of that," he said of doing a Marsters-centric telepic. "I had not thought about it. We always thought Angel would be the character the audience would want to come back to see. We may give some thought to the Spike movie. That's interesting."

Some 900 Coaxial News readers immediately wrote to ask if I’d heard of this “TV Guide” publication and if I’d seen the news. One AICN reader, we’ll call her “Marie,” asks Herc:

What did you think of the WB's comment about the possiblity of a Spike movie? They must have known there was fan support for it. Was he being stupid or just oily?

Whaaaa? Neither! “We may give some thought to a Spike movie,” he says! And I say thank you, Mr. Janollari! Thank you thank you thank you!! Can someone quickly organize a pilgrimage to Burbank, Calif., so that we may grovel gratefully en masse before Mr. Janollari’s lushly appointed office and groan thanks for his possible willingness to think about devoting two hours of valuable WB airtime - airtime that might otherwise be earmarked for an exciting two-hour “Summerland” event!! - to one of the most popular and compelling characters ever to grace American television?

Can we bathe his tasseled Italian loafers with our tongues, pausing only to howl gratitude to the passing WB programmers who canceled “Angel” but spared “One Tree Hill”? Can we at last be allowed to personally acknowledge their roles in filling the consequent primetime void with serialized marvels like “The Mountain,” “Blue Collar TV,” “Jack & Bobby,” and “Drew Carey’s Green Screen Show”? Can we construct please football-field-size signage hailing “David Janollari: Programming Genius”? Can we assign massive Army cargo helicopters to dangle said signage over Hollywood Way from now until the end of eternity?

For the record, James Marsters revealed on Australian television back in July that Buffiverse mastermind Joss Whedon had approached him about reprising his most famous role in one of four potential TV movies. The news was ceaselessly cycled all over the media for weeks; I think it even trickled all the way down to the local newscasts here in Los Angeles. Can the PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING WB be so consumed with organizing ski trips and tanning sessions and aborting "Global Frequency" that he's wholly unaware that both Marsters and Whedon are keen to make a TV-movie for which millions of fans have been salivating for months??

Jesus Christ!! Who hired this asshole??

Looking for bumper stickers, plush toys and girls’ underwear covered with cute cartoon double-amputees? Visit The Herc Store!

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