Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a review of the newest fucked up monster of a flick from Asia, a review written by one of my favorite people in the world. When not dodging muggers with guns in LA (true story) Rav watches every movie that comes out, unless it's a Renny Harlin flick. If there's an obscure Asian horror/crime/yakuza flick out there, he's ordered the nation of release DVD or dug up a bootleg somewhere. He's also addicted to closet made movie, but that's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother day.
At the American Film Market this year I did get a chance to watch THREE... EXTREMES, which has the short version of Fruit Chan's DUMPLINGS (review forthcoming) and can vouche for the short version, which somehow blew away Chanwook Park and Miike. Park's segment was awesome, but Miike's was just kind of over-long and rambling. I can only imagine what Chan's feature length version of DUMPINGS is like... Hopefully we'll get to see this one in the states in the near future.
This review had me in tears. I love the way Rav writes. This crazy motherfucker cracks me up like no one else. Enjoy, squirts!!!
Heya everybody,
So a few years ago I was sitting in a crowded theatre in Venice, Italy, there I was watching a shitty DV film from some arty farty fucking asian guy. Directly in front of me a man exclaims, what could only be some sort of obscenity, loudly in frantic german while slapping his hands at the air, until he could take no more leaving the theatre in a hurry. Behind him the exodus began, hundreds, cine-phile after cine-phile individually reached their own ?breaking point? with the film, they could take no more inane dramatic plastic-shit-baby-moments. So, an hour later when the lights came up in the theatre, I remained in my seat looking around surveying to find out that I was of only a dozen brave adventurers that stayed through to the end. For those few moment?s I reflected on the film and thought to myself, ?Oh my god, a film with plastic shit babies, could actually be one of the most boring experiences of my life. Damn, I should have left with behind the freaky german dude and got a bite of pizza. I just totally wasted an hour of my life. Fuck you!, you fucking random arty farty asian director!? The film was called, ?Public Toilet? and this was my first experience with Fruit Chan.
Earlier this year, when the trailers for Three Extremes/3:Monster were hitting, I became very excited. Well you see, the film shared two of my major heteroly-homo-sexual-infatuation subjects, Takashi Miike, a filmmaker whom I've worshiped like a deity ever since seeing Audition four years ago, as well as Chan Wook Park, the Korean master of kicking ass in every way un-imaginable. Though the third element brought the entire project down for me, the simple fact that they included Fruit Chan in a collection with the other two master filmmakers must surely mean Miike and Park were just needing a quick paycheck. Either that or Hideo Nakata canceled at the last minute and the fruit fucker was the only guy available for the job.
Everything started to change as early word began to come out for the film, a review claimed his short film ?Dumplings? to be the best of the series. Blasphemy! There?s no way that fruit fucker could make a better film than Miike or Park, then word hit that he had made a feature-length version of his short and that it?s release was merely used to promote the release of the short collection. It was dumped in theatres the week before the shorts, then promptly removed, as well as dumped on asian dvd right before the release of the shorts on dvd. For some reason, I put my fruit-hate aside and decided I had to see the feature version first.
With both versions of Dumplings Fruit Chan has hit a home run, between Bai Ling?s eerie performance and Christopher Doyle?s stunning photography there?s enough aesthetic pleasures to fuel both of the films. Though he uses the same film elements for both films, they remain two radically different films. The short being the quick fluff exploitation version of the film, the feature is the dark moody character-piece version. Under no circumstances should one watch the short version first, it ruins the mood of the feature and you might as well not watch it. So with this review I have this not-so-secret agenda to try to get every fan of great cinema to hold out for the feature version, even if you have to walk out of a theatre for the middle forty minutes of Three: Monster it?ll very much be worth your wait. It?s very much a travesty that applause pictures is letting this gem fall through the cracks and go damn near unnoticed.
Okay from here on out we are venturing into mild spoiler-ish territory, what makes the film so absolutely wonderful to me is a few major story elements that I think people should watch it best without much knowledge of what they are venturing forth into. Just know in advance this is one FUCKED UP MOVIE, perhaps as fucked as Audition except without any of the gore or the brilliant snail?s pace of the miike opus. So everyone who hasn?t seen it yet get the fuck away and go watch this movie!
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Now that everyone has ran away, the film is perhaps the best film ever made dealing with abortion, in the package of a fluff horror film with a story line, though brilliantly executed, it could have been lifted directly from a twilight zone episode. It?s about a woman (Bai Ling) who operates a dumpling shop, her dumpling?s are the most expensive around, but as she say?s ?They are worth every penny.? Through her secret ingredients the dumplings bring the client a sort of fountain of youth. Halfway in to the film it is very evident that the ingredients are chopped up aborted fetuses, though that doesn?t seem to matter to most once they?ve already seen the effectiveness of the dumplings. The film is an addiction film, an addiction film where the addiction is eating babies, and that to me makes it one of the greatest films ever made. It?s rare that a ?fucked-up film? contains great characterization and never dribbles into popcorn shock theatre, and that is what makes this film truly special. If Rick Linklater made a screwed up horror film, it would be something like this (in fact that might be the greatest remake idea ever!) it?s a horror film that thrives on subtle dialogue and character work while being able to still make your stomach queasy.
Hopefully things change and this will hit state-side theatrically, even if just for a tour of the film festival circuit. Beautiful photography, great acting, and sublime direction. This is a rare treat for horror fans and it needs to be appreciated, don?t ruin your experience with the crappy short edit first!
Later on,
Rav
email:Why not drop Rav an email? He may have a mild form of tourretes, but he's not aggresive! I swear!!!
PS: also this film kicks off the incest wave of the year! Be prepared everyone incest is taking over.
